A message to my daughter,
Today something monumental occurred to me, something that has spun my world on it's axis and righted it back into a mindset not full of fog and general haziness.
Too others this moment may not even seem important, it would seem down right inconsequential but for me and you it was a huge step forward.
What was this moment; well we got out of the door to go to mothers group in under 30 mins.
I know, it sounds crazy. For me though it was the first moment in a crazy whirlwind of 5 months that I actually felt like I knew what I was doing. That I was confident in what I was doing.
I've spent the last 5 months worrying almost constantly that something would go wrong, that in some way I was going to do something to damage you. I worry that I've dressed you to cold or to warm, that it might rain and you'll get wet or that it will be too sunny and you'll burn. I worry that I won't have enough nappies or wipes or that I don't have enough spare clothes. I worry that I'm not stimulating you the right way or that I'm not giving you enough tummy time. I worry that you're not eating enough or that your eating to much. The list is practically endless...
Of course these are just the small worries. I also panic about the bigger picture, about how difficult it is to raise a girl, a woman in this world.
I want you to be brave and independent. To be strong and fearless and to stand on your own two feet but also to know that I will always be here in your corner ready to fight for you or even just to always give you a place to call home.
I want to raise you with all the hopes and dreams in the world, I want you to see the good in people and to be the one who will help when no one else will.
So yes, I've spent the first 5 months of your life in an almost constant state of anxiousness.
Today though for that first few hours I didn't worry. I was confident. I was sure of myself and something monumental occurred to me.
We can do this. I can do this.
Together we can take on the world and you know what, I might be raising you but in your own way my darling girl you're raising me as well, and I'm so excited that we are together in this. Forever.
