#topic: syscovery

[sys-advice-corner]

Um, hi. Im sorry, I don’t know where else to go for this, and I’m looking for advice. For a little context I’m a questioning system.

In the middle of last week I was playing Dandy’s World, and I switched to Eclipses character to complete her mastery. A voice in my head that wasn’t mine went “that’s me,” and I dismissed it at the time, but when I tried to dismiss it I got an incredibly irrational overwhelming feeling of dread. I’m still kinda trying to dismiss it, but I keep getting the awful sense of dread unless I treat her like a real person and, like, this isn’t the first time something similar has happened, but this is the most distinct feeling. I don’t know what to do about this, and I’m worried that I’m just faking? She feels real. I’ve talked to her a little? I don’t know, this is all so stressful. I do have what I believe are a few other alters as well. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense. I’m just looking for some tips and advice, this is all so scary for me as someone who just thought these other people in me and my dissociation/amnesia were completely normal, and were something I could dismiss for years.

Im so sorry, ignore this if it’s too much.

[PT: Welcome! Please, take a seat.]

While I cannot be certain as an outsider, your experience is a familiar one. If it is causing you distress to not acknowledge this potential alter, it may be best to do so. If it turns out to be something else, there's no shame in that.

[PT: The owner of this blog is anti-endo, anti-radqueer, and anti-proship. If you are a supporter of these, kindly do not interact!]

[sys-advice-corner]

AGHHH im trying to figure out whats going on in my head because its so confusing right now. because of had other beings in my head for a long time, and about a year ago i identified them as "alters". but looking a dissociative disorder criteria, i realize i dont meet them? like my trauma just pointblank isnt bad enough to cause did, osdd, etc. like sure i was hit as a kid and felt very neglected sometimes but like. so now im just really confused? because i (the "host" in the "system") dont know why there are others? where did they come from? what does this mean? i was talking to my grandmother, who has a psychology degree about it and she said that having parts of yourself is normal. but she said that having those parts never affects memory? and our memory HAS been affected by... whatevers going on up here. i guess my question would be: what do i do???? do i still refer to ourselves as a collective with headmates? (we dont like the terms system or alter personally). or do i go back to saying im a singlet despite the fact that there are clearly multiple of us? help is appreciated! sorry for the rant have a good rest of your day

[PT: Welcome! Please, take a seat.]

There is no such thing as "bad enough" trauma. A child does not have the same scope of what events "should" be more or less traumatizing that a more developed mind might. Trauma is the reaction, not the event. Neglect is very much a reason a complex dissociative disorder (DID, OSDD, p-DID, etc.) (abbrev. as "CDDs") can form. The presence of parts means that traumatic events did occur. However, I do not advise trying to dig up that trauma if you are not prepared to do so. There is a reason you don't remember it.

Your grandmother is absolutely right that every person has different facets of their self. That is very much a normal experience and is even utilized as a part of IFS therapy. This can also be seen in different parts/alters of a system. Memory problems often occur with CDDs, but they can also occur for other reasons. There are several differential diagnoses that present with symptoms that might look like a CDD. Many disorders have overlapping symptoms. If you happen to discover that you are not a system after all, there is no shame in that. Mistakes happen.

If you do have a CDD, you should not feel pressured to use specific terms to define your experience if they do not fit your experience. The terms you use are your choice.

My best advice is to keep record of what symptoms you experience and to do your research. Identifying the problem is the first step and often, the things that help with one disorder may also help with related ones.

[PT: The owner of this blog is anti-endo, anti-radqueer, and anti-proship. If you are a supporter of these, kindly do not interact!]

[sys-advice-corner]

Anything for dealing with cagey gatekeepers? Ours kinda... won't let me in 😭 as in like I can't communicate with the others or access our headspace cause they keep me out. I can tell it's as a defense mechanism (I discovered the system when I probably shouldn't have, no one was ready to be revealed and I think they'd planned to be covert for much longer originally) but I feel like our syscovery is kinda stunted cause I can't get in-depth with anyone. Every time I try to think deeper the mind gets loud/disorganized

[PT: Welcome! Please, take a seat.]

I think it's best to take it slowly and let them open up at their own pace. It can be frustrating, but rushing into it may only cause more damage. Push gently and step back when you're hit with a roadblock. Your health and safety are the priority, and if learning more about your system is a hazard, then it can more thoroughly be explored later.

[PT: The owner of this blog is anti-endo, anti-radqueer, and anti-proship. If you are a supporter of these, kindly do not interact!]