Hey! I know it has been a while. Looks like over a year since my last update. My apologies, life has been overwhelming in many ways. But I do miss this blog in many ways and constantly say I want to update it and make new polyamory content. Luckily I have that opportunity today! A friend started a new podcast so i went on to do an episode about all things non-monogamy. So if you have missed me then please give it a listen and a good rating. It is an 18+ podcast with a focus on BDSM so keep that in mind. Also I am a very loud person so there is a warning for headphone users! I hope this will let me jumpstart the blog again and start posting again soon!
Because... I'm gay. And that might mean you're gonna send me to a conversion camp or pretend that I died of a brain tumor or make me watch Wedding Crashers.
We were at my house, a few days after I told him. We hadn't been able to discuss any of it further. It was to Eddie's and grabbing our friends, and spending the whole night out together...to being grounded and having to do chores. My father didn't appreciate the thought of me having only male friends, he found it impractical, and he always insisted I make more girl friends. A girl would evermore be a good influence on me. I had my mother, though, I always thought- wouldn't that be enough? Would that be enough to please him? I suppose it never was, and by the time Beverly came around, he wished it was just the boys and me again. He was always hoping- hoping, hoping, hoping.
Richie stopped at the comic shop, briefly, before coming over. He picked up the latest Spider-Man. We enjoyed collecting them together, saving up from chore money, and coins on the ground. Whoever saved up enough first, would head down to the shop, and buy the next issue. That person would keep it for their collection- but we always read it together.
He has it open to the first spread and is sprawled long ways across my bed. I frown, "Rich! Get your shoes off, my mother's gonna throw a fit if she sees this."
He grunts and rolls off, sitting on the carpeted floors, untying his shoes. "What's it matter, anyway? You can wash them afterwards."
"We already had laundry day, and it could like, stain."
"And you care why?"
"Geez, just take off your shoes."
"Right on it, Captain." Richie leaves his shoes near the side of the bed. I turn around, giggling- the thought of being called captain has a kind, fuzzy feeling growing in my body. "Heard this one's really good."
"With a name like this? I hope so." I hold it up, and it reads, "The Hobgoblin Revealed!" I flop onto my bed in excitement. "Rich, c'mon." And he follows suit- albeit hesitantly.
I want to ask 'what's the matter,' cause something seems off with Richie. The way he holds himself next to me. But judging from the other day, I'd understand if he was uncomfortable.
"Hey," he whispers- and my heart nearly beats out of my chest. The way he pauses and thinks it over, I'm sure he changes his mind on what to say. "So, everyone wants to get together tomorrow..."
I sigh, "I'll ask. I think I'm still grounded- might be an epic plot to ruin summer."
"Damn, well, I think it's working." He laughs, and his face shines, even in the littlest of light.
"And why's that?"
"You're not there." He doesn't even have to think of it- I think he knows it before I even ask, I imagine I knew it.
"Rich," he hums in response, "In the barrens when you said you like me, what did you mean?"
He seems surprised at my question, but answers- thoughtfully. "I like you. I want to spend all my time with you, I want to do what the big kids do- I want to date you. "
"Me? That seems silly, you could pick anyone, and you pick me?"
His face twists to an unreadable expression, but it's dark and ugly.
"Why not? Your gorgeous."
"How about...hot."
He mockingly debates it in his head, "Yes, definitely."
"And handsome?"
"Sure- if that's what you want."
"More of how I feel."
"Hm, would you explain it for me?"
"It's like this feeling deep within me, and it's just the worst feeling. I'd rather physically be in pain than deal with this every day. But, something doesn't feel right, being a girl."
"So, it's not that you've had a dick all this time or?"
It's this that makes me slip, "what's with this obsession with my dick- are you sure you're not gay?"
Richie's light mood turns angry. His brows furrow, and he frowns, making a hideous expression.
"Jesus, I'm sorry, Rich, really."
He hums in response, "Sure."
I sigh, "Look, I am sorry. It's just, you've had such adverse reactions to me even mentioning it! What if I was gay? I mean, I'm not, of course."
"Exactly, your not. There's nothing to worry about, silly." He chuckles, and tickles my sides, making me giggle. "Let's get to Spiderman, okay?"
"Y-yeah," I say, sitting up quickly to grab the comic off the bed before Richie could.
"Sounding kinda like Bill, something wrong?"
"Richie! That's so mean! I'm good, just surprised by your tickles- are you trying to start a fight?"
"Oh, challenging me now?"
"Maybe, I'd watch your back if I were you- just in case, y'know."
We fall back laughing, and I hold the issue between us, so we can both read.
.
"Hey, Rich, it's nearly six. You think your folks are expecting you?"
Richie lets out a low hum, "They can have one dinner without me, I haven't seen you all week."
Chuckling, I continue, "Partially your fault, though. You know I can't stay out that late."
"Do you want me to?" He sits up and turns away from me.
"What- no. Why would I?" That uncomfortable, awkward feeling that always left a heavyweight against my chest, slowly trickled into the room.
"Things have been pretty weird between us."
"Yeah, well, we're weird," I laugh nervously. "I know, that's on me. I have a loudmouth. If we keep avoiding this, though, things are just going to get worse."
"What's there to discuss?"
I sigh, "Well, for one, what are we?"
"Two, why are you so insistent?"
"And three, how do we talk without getting into a tiff about it?" Richie playfully snarls at that, and I try to hide a smile from appearing on my face.
"I think you know plenty of what I want us to be."
"I've never done that before, I need time to think about it?"
"Sure- just don't decline because you think I'm a fag."
"I-I don't think that."
"You're very insistent on it- why is that? If your not gay, then-"
"I may not be a dyke or a fag, but I'm sure not with today's standards. If you were up there with me," I sigh, trying to sort my scrambled thoughts and pick words that wouldn't upset him. "I don't know, Rich, maybe I wouldn't feel so alone, or I wouldn't feel so bad about this."
He doesn't respond, not right away, at least. He slips off the bed and searches the floor in search of his shoes. Richie guffawed, "That's selfish."
I know," I look away, "You can leave."
He frowns, sighing, "I'm sure it's not what you want."
I hum in return, I don't look back at him, and part of me(even knowing that Richie would never be so rude as to do this) thought he had already slipped out the door and was biking back to his house by now. And the me that still held onto the idea that he would never do that wanted to get up and hold him in the biggest hug. Instead, I ask in the quietest voice(perhaps just above a whisper) I could muster, without my voice cracking and showing to Richie that I was near crying, "Would you stay tonight?"
I don't receive a response, but I can feel my mattress shifting under someone's weight, and I can only assume it's him. I can feel him lie down next to me, and his soft breathing is confirmation enough for what he chooses. I run a hand along his arm, gently, and lock my pinky with his.
He curls his pinky around mine.
In his own way, this was the best way to answer and to go about all of the questions we brought up that night. We weren't ready to discuss issue two, not entirely, really. And I wasn't ready for a relationship, not quite(I think). But that night, with our pinkies held together, we didn't need answers, this was just enough. We were happy in those moments.
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No Indian Government till date has spoken so bluntly about Pakistan’s role in perpetuating terror on its territory and calling for talks only when there is a complete stoppage of terror exported by it. This is for the first time blunt speak has created such a response that even the social media is bombarded with messages of asking Pakistan to vacate PoK, the territory it has annexed from India. …
