I encounter posts almost every day among antis claiming that Aleksander groomed Alina. This problem in the Grishaverse fandom is especially propagated by fans of Zoya, Genya, the Crows, and really a lot of young people who... well, what is their actual goal in this? Because the truth is that this statement is not only false — it is either the result of deliberate slander or a complete misunderstanding of the subject matter and the definition. If someone continues to repeat this claim despite the lack of psychological or textual evidence, they fall into one of two categories. Either they are lying in bad faith to defame a character they hate, or they simply cannot read critically.
The definition of grooming is clear. It is a process of manipulation used by perpetrators of abuse—usually older, more influential individuals—to gain the trust of someone significantly more vulnerable, most often a child. It involves calculated steps: isolating the victim, making them feel obligated or dependent, subtly breaking their sense of autonomy, and then emotionally, psychologically, and ultimately sexually exploiting them—this last word, "sexually," is what grooming typically refers to. It aims for complete control over the submissive individual by undermining their boundaries.
This is not Aleksander. This is not what happened between him and Alina.
Alina was not a child — that’s the first important thing. In the show, Alina is 20 years old, and in the books, she’s between 17 and 18 (we can assume that, since even she’s not entirely sure of her age). And she was not isolated. Aleksander did not prey on her innocence. He did not manipulate her with false affection. What he offered her was recognition. A mirror. The chance to be seen not as a saint or a symbol, but as a person with impossible power and no clear path. He never isolated her. On the contrary, she was surrounded by the palace, Grisha, Genya, the Apparat, and later, Mal and Baghra’s warnings.
In the context of the grooming accusations against Aleksander, repeating this lie becomes part of the propaganda model described by Goebbels: “A lie repeated a thousand times becomes the truth.” This is a very dangerous technique, intended to distort reality and turn false claims into something that begins to be treated as a "fact," even though it has no foundation. When a lie is repeated endlessly — in media, posts, articles — people start to believe it. And so, Aleksander's antis continue to repeat the grooming accusation without properly analyzing what it really means, or looking at the facts.
It’s no longer just about someone not understanding what grooming is. Over time, repeating the same accusation becomes a tool for the deliberate destruction of Aleksander’s image. Antis are not looking for the truth. Instead, I see that their goal has become creating the impression that what they say is true simply by repeating those words. It’s the same as when they repeated the lie that Aleksander was modeled after Leigh’s toxic ex, but we all have evidence that this is not true, so they had to come up with something else. When they don’t have other arguments, they start repeating this accusation over and over again—just to provoke a reaction and manipulate public opinion. This is a classic manipulation tactic aimed at destroying someone’s reputation and creating a false image of that person.
This technique is particularly dangerous because it’s not just about destroying one person’s name, but about destroying the ability for critical thinking and analysis in the audience. When one accusation is repeated over and over, it begins to function as truth in the minds of those who don’t have the time or desire to think about the sources, context, or concepts being used. People stop questioning what is true and what is manipulation.
Aleksander’s antis, who regularly repeat this lie, are in fact participating in this manipulation. Their goal is not only to weaken Aleksander’s character but also to instill in people the belief that what is false is actually true. And this is already a classic form of propaganda, the aim of which is not just the lie itself, but the change in the way people think, to make it fit their narrative. One thing is certain in all of this—Goebbels would be proud of you, and I bet his skull is shedding tears of happiness that his students has surpassed the master.
And before you get outraged, think about it—if you destroy people for things like differing preferences and interests, if you threaten people with death, if you intentionally spread false propaganda, well, I have very bad news for you. But let’s continue.
So, if it’s not Goebbels’ tactic that part of the Grishaverse fandom has adopted to slander The Darkling, could it be a misunderstanding of the definition and their relationship? Because twisting their story into this narrative is a refusal to engage with the nuances. It shows a complete inability to understand psychological concepts.
Was Aleksander older? Yes. Did he have an influential position? Yes. Was their dynamic simple? Absolutely not. But complexity is not an exaggeration. A power difference is not grooming. Attraction built on shared pain is not manipulation. And desire, no matter how charged, is not the same as sexual exploitation. So this accusation has no basis in reality. It has no foundation in psychology. It has no foundation in books. It has no foundation in the TV series. It rests on discomfort with complexity. It seems to be more about fear of morally grey characters that don’t fit into simplified categories of "hero" or "villain."
So no, Aleksander did not groomed Alina. He saw her. He desired her. He respected her power, even when she opposed him. The saddest part, however, is that those who call it grooming are not defending victims. They’re distorting the facts. And in doing so, they reveal more about their own lack of insight into the subject than they do about Aleksander or the broader issue within the Grishaverse fandom. So if you need to lie about Aleksander to justify your hatred, you've already lost the argument and shown that the problem isn’t with him, but with you.