i forget that cis people really just. don't consider being trans to be anything more than a label. like they will be like "oh yeah i'm fine, be whoever" until you
use any bathroom
correct anyone on your pronouns/gender
expect to be treated like your peers on any level at all
do anything gnc
have a minor, unrelated disagreement/conflict with a peer
then it's "too much" or "legally dubious" or "causing discomfort to your peers (the cis ones)" or "not consistent with documentation"
like. 1) speech is an action, so someone declaring themselves to be trans is taking the action to become trans and 2) being trans involves a whole range of actions that are more tangible than a semantic change. if you have trans peers, you will see them go into bathrooms you might not agree with, get into minor spats (like everyone else!), stand up for themselves and demand the respect everyone else is given, and express their gender in ways that don't click for you. you have to be ok with all of that. those are actions you need to allow trans people to take.
trans actions include using bathrooms, introducing yourself unapologetically and without elaboration, interacting with people without defaulting to (or even referencing!) gendered roles, trans gnc expressions in public, trans binary expression in public, removing yourself from "my [expletive] spouse" culture, refusing to categorize others around you into tiers of status based on gender, embracing the fluid nature of the self, and striving to embody intersectionality. there are so many more.
there are infinite trans actions. you must be willing to sit with and learn from these actions to be an ally to trans people. if you cannot openly support trans action, do not claim to support trans people. your words of allyship means nothing when your actions (including speech) take away the ability of a trans person to really Be Trans in their actions
