#trans documentation

[catboybiologist]

Transition journal and documentation: Jan and Feb of 2024

Measurements for January are up, and February will be soon to follow! Tagging @whalesharkcat and @trans4hire here. If you want to be tagged when I post these, let me know! The advice for injections is in the journal below.

Transition documentation (public)

Sheet1 Month (info taken near end of month),Drug information,T levels (ng/dL),E levels (pg/mL),Body metrics,Height (in),Weight (lbs),Band(i

Some quick notes to clarify things:

I'm consolidating qualitative observations into my journal. Oftentimes these haven't been easy to cleanly classify into different categories of observation, so I'm not really gonna bother.

As I'm sure you've realized, the timing of these observations isn't consistent. I have a private document with exact date stamps for everything, and these are mostly right at the end of the month. But my levels checks don't match up to this cleanly, so I group them with the closest set of other measurements. Sometimes I don't have one that cleanly fits.

I can't trust myself to measure height anymore, to be blunt. I want to ask the doctor every time but chicken out about it easily.

But anyways.

And now, as a journal, a brief summary of my thoughts on the past two months:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*deep breathing*

fuuuuuuuucccckkkkkkkkkk

Okay. So. I'm not gonna list off everything that's happened since the year started. So many independent things started happening, one after the other, that I had to start formatting it as a bulleted list to tell people I know irl what's been going on. Each one has been a crisis on its own- massive emotional events, health problems, health problems in people close to me, transphobic drama with former "friends", academic&research problems, and a resulting mental health spiral. And all of this leading up to my qualifying exams at the end of February, for which I barely scraped by and passed.

But. With all of this. There's silver linings.

The biggest one is that the start of this year has been a stress test of my overall emotional state since starting HRT. I'm not gonna lie- if all of this had happened a year ago, I don't think I would be here now. I either would have completely snapped and done something I regret, or... yeah. But as it stands? I cried. A lot. I isolated a bit. I had mood swings and anxiety and anger and excitement and relief and highs and lows beyond my wildest dreams. It was intense. It was not pretty. But it was cathartic, and healthy. Before this, I would've processed all of this as a generic, stressful, anxiety-ridden malaise, that would've weighed down on me until a breaking point. As it stands, however, I made it. Not in a neat way, not even really in an emotionally stable way, but I made it. And there is no fucking way that would be true pre-HRT. I think I can genuinely say at this point that estrogen has been life saving for me.

In the middle of all this, I switched to injections, right at the start of February. A mistake? Maybe, but I'm too fed up with delaying my progress because "the time isn't right", so I stubbornly refused to delay that change any further. It's a goal I worked out with my provider ahead of time and I stuck to it. So how's that been?

It's been an incredible and WILD experience. I'm on estradiol valerate. For those that don't know, estradiol is conjugated with another compound, which is then cleaved over time in your body to release it. For injections, that results in a peak irculating levels about 1-3 days afer injections. Some people feel it more than others- and holy shit, do I feel it. This has given rise to "the Sundays", because on Sundays, I'm going fucking nuts. My senses are heightened, and I start craving and reacting to physical touch in intense ways. It's not always sexual- while arousal comes easier to me the closer I am to peak, mostly I just become a cuddleslut. It is WILD. I'm also more emotional and cry more easily. Some cis female friends I have confirmed that it mirrors the feelings they get at a certain point in their monthly cycle, so essentially the fluctuating levels are giving me the sensory and emotional effects of a period every week.

The flip side of this is that I feel like shit on Thursdays, like I missed a sublingual dose when I was on that. After the first two weeks, I started taking 2mg sublingual on Wednesday night and Thursday mornings to avoid this, which helped a lot. My provider specifically said this was a good idea, so if you're dealing with that yourself, consider trying it out. I might move to a 5-day injection interval instead, but we'll see.

I've only had one problem with injections so far, which I'm dealing with right now- on my fifth self injection ever, I had unsteady hands and hesitation before stabbing myself, causing a not-great needle stick. Currently, I have a nasty looking injection bruise. Not painful, and healing pretty well, but not fantastic to look at. Self injecting has been intimidating and scary, moreso than I thought it would be. But the actual physical pain is much, MUCH less than I thought it would be, its just that the lizard brain refuses to stab yourself.

If you're thinking of switching to injections, here's a bit of my advice:

keep as many oral/sublingual pills on hand as you can anyways. These will be helpful if you feel your injections aren't carrying you emotionally for the entire interval, or if you don't have an environment where you can inject regularly

If you have a provider, they should provide a nurse tutorial and consultation for you to inject properly. If they don't, try to insist on one. They'll give better advice than I can.

think less, do more. Ideally, the actual moment of the stab should be painless. Be quick and steady about it. The fluid entering feels like pressure and slight burning, but nothing more than that.

vary your injection sites. A doctor or nurse should explain this to you, but this reduces risk of doing what I did and bruising yourself.

be extremely sterile about things. All of the wiping down and sterile technique you'll hear? Don't fuck around with it. Infection is no joke, and absolutely can happen.

Purchase spare needles and syringes from a pharmacist or online. Several reasons for this- one, if you make a mistake and a needle is no longer sterile, you don't want to hesitate about throwing it away. And two... well, let's make a second point about this.

If you want to stock up on estradiol for the future (if you're worried about future access to HRT), this can be easier with injections- but you have to be careful, and you'll need extra needles (for the love of fuck, do not reuse needles). Vials will always have excess medication, because it allows standard volumes to fill and distribute, and it also ensures that needle draws will always be able to be fully submerged. Do NOT try to run your vial out. You WILL run into sterility and contamination issues. That said, vial expiration dates are typically measured from time of first puncture. This will vary, but for me, I was told that the vials are good for 4 weeks after the first puncture. This is overcautious, but not egregiously so. My recommendation would be to use each vial for 1-2 extra punctures, and open the next vial a bit later. Still get prescription refills as frequently as you can. That way, you can stock up on unpucntured vials in case anything happens to your supply. THIS SAID- if you notice ANYTHING wrong with the vial- if the seal isn't containing the fluid properly, if bits of the seal are falling into the medication, if you can see a noticable hole in the seal, DO NOT USE THAT VIAL. Look me in the fucking eye. Do. Fucking. NOT. get sepsis. Do not fuck around with this. The flexibility to be cautious about your vials is a great reason to stock up on a bit extra in the first place.

To anyone in the US, if you're comfortable with doing this to stock up, I would highly, HIGHLY recommend starting this now. Slowly start using your vials for 1-2 punctures extra, stock up unbroken vials. Just in case something bad happens after the elections.

Typically, your medication will come with two sizes of needles- a draw needle (puncture the seal and draw medication into the syringe) and an injection needle. You might want to consider going *slightly* smaller on one or both of those needles. Estradiol is dissolved in a viscous oil as medication, and can be difficult to draw and dispense as a result. But, if you're patient, a smaller gauge might help. For the draw needle, it can help do less damage to the seal and preserve it a bit longer. For the injection needle, if you have a bit more sensitive skin, it might be comforting. Don't deviate too much, though, ESPECIALLY without a medical professional involved.

Remember that I'm not a medical professional, please consult one whenever possible.

I'm still on spiro for now, and I'm continuing it until my next levels check comes back clean. I don't want to erase months of progress getting my levels up by dropping it too early.

Measurement-wise, there hasn't been much change. But I'm starting to realize that the measurements aren't really telling the full story. My breasts look so much larger and, for lack of a better word, breast-like than they did even a couple months ago, but that hasn't been coming through in the measurements very well. I think what's happening is that my fat around my sides is shrinking at the same time my breasts are growing. This is reflected a bit in terms of underbust and waist measurements, but it still seems more dramatic than those are letting on.

Face wise, I think I'm really seeing some changes now. It's hard to put into words, but I'm starting to look more and more androgynous or femme by default, especially if I shave. I'm estatic, honestly, and I hope the trend continues. My chin and nose continue to be problems, but as the structure of the face around them changes, that's becoming less and less true.

I've been getting laser, but so far it's done pretty much nothing. There's lag time, and some of my health issues meant that I had to delay a session and get both sessions at a much lower power than I would've like. I was really hoping to have visible hair removal by June or so, but it looks like that's not happening. That kinda stings, and is a huge blow to my ability to pass by the one-year mark, which has been my target.

I think my boymoding has been holding, for the most part, although its been harder. Even with my sports bras, small bumps are visible under a t shirt, and the face changes won't be unnoticable forever. I've def been more loudly bisexual, and I think most people just write it off as me being fruity. Cis people can also be pretty oblivious, especially when changes are gradual. That being said, I've been coming out slowly to people, giving my usual speech of "I'm still presenting as a man for now, but just so you know this is what's going on", which removes a lot of the pressure and anxiety from boymoding. Still, I haven't told everyone (notably, labmates and family), and my timeline of social transition between June and August seems to be holding steady.

So uh, yeah. If you're curious about anything specifically, I'm an open book, although I may move it to DMs if it gets too personal. Hope that my progress updates are helpful to at least someone!

[catboybiologist]

A late December transition journal, and spreadsheet update!

The spreadsheet is (finally) updated with December measurements:

Transition documentation (public)

Sheet1 Month (info taken near end of month),Drug information,T levels (ng/dL),E levels (pg/mL),Body metrics,Height (in),Weight (lbs),Band(i

So I’m writing this in January, but… most of the thoughts on here are about December progress, and the measurements were taken in December. 

It’s a weird mixed bag as far as transition is concerned. The measurements seem to be somewhat stalled. The only thing that seems to have changed is height, which like… it feels like it has to be error, and I’m pretty sure it is, but its been consistent? Maybe spinal curvature can change that fast? I’ll highlight on the spreadsheet the next time I actually get it measured at the doctor’s. Weight has fluctuated, and I did have a panic about it- however, it is possible that last measurement was a bit of an error. I could still physically see a rapid, unexpected drop in weight on my body, which I’ve since controlled, so I don’t think it’s that inaccurate, but yeah.

That all said… I’m being reminded constantly that the measurements don’t tell the full story.

For example, I think there’s a lot that’s missed by measuring at specific lines around the body. Waist and underbust are measured at minima, whereas bust and hips are measured at maxima. While these haven’t changed much during this time period, I have noticed overall growth in areas that aren’t these spots. Most notably… I have the tiniest inkling of an ass now!!!!! I’ve been flat as a board my whole life, and this time, in side profile, I noticed some booty curves and growth! But that measurement is overshadowed by my thighs and more traditional hip measurements, which have always been pretty good even pre-HRT. 

My boobs grew a tiny bit, but seem overall more noticeable than that. I think a lot of the initial growth was determined by nipple protrusion, and while they def still have that “growth” type character where they stick out much further than the rest of everything, the overall shape of the boob is looking like… well, boobs. Even though the measurement hasn’t changed, the timeline pictures (which I’m keeping private, for now) do show that they’re getting more visually defined, which is amazing. I also had a lot of little euphorias when I went home for the holidays. A lot of friends and even family that I hadn’t seen since early HRT or pre-HRT made comments about how I looked younger, looked different, or seemed to have nice skin. I’m considering that a win. Anecdotally, I do think that my face has femmed up a bit. If there was ever a month with the most face changes so far, it was absolutely December.

It is still true, however, that a lot of my body changes seem stalled. Maybe blame the swingy weight, or maybe blame the fact that my E is still…. Considered acceptable, but realistically, the 100-200 “acceptable” range is very low. My provider says that this is partially because of the 8mg limit on sublingual E, due to liver problems- 200 is pretty much what you can realistically get on sublingual alone. But guess what- I’ll be switching to injections soon! My provider wanted me to get E levels high to prevent super swingy emotions by drastically increasing my E levels, but said that with my current labs, I should be ready. I’m super happy about it, and hopefully I should regain some of the speed I had early HRT. I need my bazongas, okay?

I’m gonna be a bit emotionally weird, several things happening in my life rn. But on the plus side…. I have my first laser session tomorrow! I made the appointment earlier this week and decided to commit to keeping it despite things going on. I think it’ll be really helpful for my mental health, and very much improve how I feel when I look in the mirror. The only issue I can foresee is whether my boymode will hold, which, uuuhhh…. I mean fuckit my transition is an open secret at this point. People have seen the changes, seen me at parties, the queer community of my uni knows, they’ve seen and felt bra straps during hugs… I think everyone just kinda accepts that I’m waiting for the most comfortable moment. Then again, cis people can be oblivious, so maybe I’m overinterpreting. We will see. I don’t think much will change until I change my voice.

Sorry if the writing tone on this journal feels weird- again, emotional weirdness from various things. Until next month. 

[catboybiologist]

Transition journal #2: October 2023

Two months, lets gooooo!!!!!! To start off, I've updated my metrics spreadsheet:

Transition documentation (public)

Sheet1 Month (info taken near end of month),Drug information,T levels (ng/dL),E levels (pg/mL),Body metrics,Height (in),Weight (lbs),Band(i

My first levels check is on there, alongside the usual stuff.

I have a couple of thoughts and notes, just like I did last month, but this is probably going to be a bit shorter and less excited than last month. Nothing disappointing about this month, just less so than the wave of emotions that came with starting.

 The biggest change in the past month has def been that I started my spiro based on my levels. I was actually genuinely surprised that my levels were that low on E and high on T. T is solidly above target levels, and my endo described my E as “barely acceptable” and said we should get it higher. I’m all for it, of course. But that also means starting spiro. 

Right before starting spiro, I was noting that that initial burst of changes was slowing down. Notably, it seemed like breast growth was slowing, but tbf, it really seemed like I had a frenzy of it to kick off the changes. Spiro does feel like it restarted that, but I can’t tell how much that’s a direct effect of it and how much it's just that these changes are going in bursts anyways. 

That being said, it's been an interesting month of changes. Notably, my overbust hasn’t increased at all- but, I’ve lost a lot of weight overall. My waist and underbust both decreased, while my overbust and hips remained exactly the same. So proportionately, they’ve grown. I’m actually shocked that my underbust decreased, even if it was just half an inch. Best I can figure is that I have fat pockets that extend down from my armpits, and I think I burned fat from those. While bone changes are possible even in adults on HRT, they wouldn’t happen this fast to my ribcage. I don’t think I’m go

Of course, I’m wildly happy about the way my waist has been developing. Not only is it quantitatively thinning, the way the fat looks even in side profile is gradually looking more like “female” pudge as opposed to “man” pudge. Does that make sense? There’s certainly a difference between the way hormonally male and female people carry their belly fat, and I think I’m starting to see just a little of that femaleness shine through. I’m ecstatic. I do want to lose a tiny bit more weight, or at least maintain my current weight while other regions of my body grows, and hopefully this trend will continue. Gotta have the best waist for someone’s arm to slip around.

As usual, it does seem like my wide shoulders and barrel chest are a little at odds with my waist-to-hip ratio. I have a full on fridge upper body, a nicely slimming waist, and relatively wide hips. That seems to be holding pretty true, but we’ll see how it turns out long term.

I made a post about this the other day, but I do think I’m registering facial changes on some subconscious level. I can’t really put my finger on it, but something is different in the mirror. I’m comparing before and after unmasked pictures, and I do think there’s some slight facial changes coming on. But still, I’m a little worried about the pace of it, and worried about if I’ll ever pass in that department. But hey. If I don’t, I don’t, and I just present how I want, when I want.

It’s not noticeable enough to really tell yet, but I think my facial hair growth has slowed a little bit. I’m shaving weekly at this point, and it does seem a little bit thinner every time. But I don’t think I have enough data to tell, really, so we’ll see where that goes. It’ll never get to the point where I won’t need laser. I’m mostly just worried that my facial hair will be my last bastion of boymoding, so I’m being a dumbass and procrastinating a lot on that.

Overall, however, I do want to get tf off of spiro once my levels are stable and can potentially be suppressed by estrogen alone. There’s a little I’ll write about below, but mostly… the motherfucking diuretic effect. Oh my fucking god. My caffeine and water consumption means I pee a lot anyways, but fucking hell. I feel like a goddamn fountain, what the fuck. Hopefully I’ll be able to get off it sooner rather than later, especially if I can get injections.

Mild nsfw ahead. As usual, this is raw information, and if you’re weird about it, you will be blocked.

If I didn’t say this before, the information in the spreadsheet is only part of what I’m logging monthly- I have a more extensive record that includes things that feel just an ooch intrusive. This also includes a SHITTON of progress pictures in neutral poses and expressions that I’ve standardized to be the same across the months. I mention this bc I can def see some progress in these pictures. Mostly, I think this has to do with my lower body and waist shape. My ass has def gotten a bit bigger, but the reason my hip measurement hasn’t changed is because that measurement is still dominated by my thighs, and the place where growth is happening is still slightly offset from the largest hip measurement, which, as far as I know, is where it's supposed to be taken. 

My breasts have also gotten a lot more distinctly breast-like in their qualitative visual appearance. I think this is a combination of the bust to band size/waist ratio getting better, as well as the breasts filling in more. My nipples are less protruding than last month, and the breast is forming a bit more of a mound as opposed to just essentially the bud forming. Eg, there’s actual structure there now. I can actual hop up and down and yes, they do jiggle. Still, the nipples are leading the charge. I’m a little worried about “cone tits”, or breasts where the nipple develops and pushes out without giving much of a rounded shape to the surrounding tissue. I think its a bit too early to tell, however. I’m hoping to get some nice, serious development in before I start progesterone, and the way things are going… yeah, I think I’ll be good there. Obviously I don’t want them to stop anytime soon, but if my boobs continue at this rate, I don’t think I’ll have anything to worry about chest wise.

The sensitivity “cycle” I’ve been going through does seem to have continued, although the timing of it is erratic. I do very clearly go through bursts of higher erotic sensitivity, followed by uncomfortable sensitivity, followed by a lack of sensitivity. The timing, again, is erratic. We’ll see what it stabilizes to long term- this could be a very unstable transfemme period (side note, I know that’s a controversial topic in the trans community. There’s very little data on the subject, but I do believe it is likely that its happening. The estrogen pathway can easily be cyclical when started. But I digress, I’ll relate my personal experience to that as time goes on and keep my eye out for any papers.).

Since starting spiro, I’ve also noticed some differences in sexual function. I’m not gonna get into the raw details there, I’ve recorded them in a personal version of this. But do note if you’re considering spiro that it's a thing that will probably happen.

[whalesharkcat]

UPDATED TRANSITION DOCUMENTATION :3

Transition Documentation Noah (public)

Blad1 Month,Drug information,time of measurement,Height(cm),weight(kg),bust(cm),waist(cm),hips(cm),shoulder span(cm),Skin,Body and facial h

I'm exactly one month on hrt now!! I'm not exactly sure how I want to formulate this text post yet but i guess I'll just ramble a bit about my feelings and the changes :P

So far I am extremely happy with the results, most of them are minor but every single one is positive. The measurements show that I've gained some weight, I have a slimmer waist and slighly bigger bust. for some reason I'm also 2 cm shorter but that's likely measurement error. The weight is likely also slightly because of randomness, before hrt I used to be around 62-64 kg and I am still in that range.

But the most noticable change is the fact that i have the tiniest of boobs now :333

After about a week, my nipples started hurting quite a lot and they slowly got bigger with the area under the skin becoming more rigid. The pain is mostly gone now and replaced with sensitiveness. the area around the areola is also slightly sticking outwards, hinting at beginning breast growth!

some other major changes are that my skin is definitely slightly softer now, and some more nsfw stuff shortly listed in the documentation at the end.

My mood has also slightly changed, pre-hrt I used to have normal days and bad days (which were not very severe tbh), now most days I actually feel happy and most emotions are more all encompassing. I have no clue how to properly describe it, but it feels like I'm taking a bath in them and I'm putting my head underwater. Instead of them being a little ball deep inside me, they are all around me.

I still haven't been able to cry though :P

(also again, huge thanks to Sierra @catboybiologist she's been a great motivating factor in my transition and inspired me to document this. It's been great to look in the mirror and compare my pre-hrt self to what I look like now, all the minor changes make me feel so happy :3)

[cheetosjapalenos]

Brief Transition Stuff

My dose is 0.4mL(cc) injected subcutaneously once a week.

I have had three injections:

21 February 2014

4 March 2014

10 March 2014

As you see, I've been a little inconsistent. So I'm roughly 2-3 weeks on T now?

First week changes

none that I remember, except I was happier.

Second week changes

dry crotch syndrome

changing smell, esp. crotch (maybe related to above?)

unexplained muscle soreness (I'm not working out or doing more physical activity than usual)

reduced appetite

reduced sex drive (but faster reaction to stimulus, if that makes sense)

Third week is not finished enough to document things I notice, but it seems like i had an uptick in appetite today (finally). I wasn't hungrier than usual, but I could put away more than usual. I typically eat 2-3 hotdogs and fries and get full, but today I ate a normal amount of fries, soup and 3 hotdogs, and never got full-feeling, just satiated.

Also, I'm noticing the dry crotch a lot less, but the change in smell a lot more.