Whumptober
Day 3: No Need for Goodbyes
“I look in people’s windows, transfixed by rose golden glows.”
Isolation | Candlelight | Found Family
Group: Stray Kids (Lee Know)
Word Count:1106
TW: death of friendships, ablism (if you squint), bad friends
Note: This is definitely a projection fic… sorry Lee Know but now your autistic
(dividers by Saradika)
Being eliminated was the second-worst thing to happen to Lee Know, because almost not debuting with his seven best friends was terrible, truly, but nothing compared to finding out they were never his friends in the first place.
For context, the other members had never really had a problem with his strangeness, and some, like Han and Seungmin, had even embraced it. No one cared when he was so filled with emotion that he had to express it with his body. No one batted an eye when he stared off into nothingness for minutes at a time. They swapped sweaters with him if his was itchy, they bought food they knew he didn’t mind the texture of, and they never begrudged him the affection he so desperately needed but didn't know how to ask for. They even learned to take his half joking threats in stride, learning when it was teasing and when he was genuinely upset. He loved his members more than just about anything, and he was certain they moved him too.
That is, until a few months ago.
Something had changed. It was subtle at first. The cracks in their relationship appearing quietly, almost unnoticeable. He’d sat down next to Changbin on the practice room couch during a break in rehearsal. Pretty standard. But that day, Changbin moved away. Lee know hadn’t even done anything, barely settling on the plush cushion before Changbin was up and away, shifting to lean against the wall next to I.N. Lee Know simply cocked his head in confusion and tried to think of a plausible explanation. Maybe, Bin needed to talk to their maknae about something. But neither boy spoke. They just stood and watched him, baffling the dancer further. The timer announcing the end of their break went off before he could spiral too much. Rising, he brushed it off in favor of getting practice restarted and had figured that was the end of it.
It was not.
The little things piled up from there. Lee Know had become hyper aware of every reaction the kids had to him. Hyunjin now rolled his eyes and ignored him when he gave updates on his cats, Chan blatantly dismissed his invitation to eat together, Han started dodging physical affection but only when it came from Lee Know. Even Felix had begun acting differently around him, avoiding being alone with him for any amount of time. It was as if he had some plague that only the others were able to see. For months, he watched as his tiny family drifted further and further away from him.
The final straw came on a mundane Wednesday. He hadn’t meant to overhear Chan and Seungmin’s private conversation in the studio. Honestly, he was just there to drop off Seungmin's favorite water bottle and wish him luck on his recording session. He’d seen Changbin and Han headed for the cafeteria when he was on his way over, they must have left the door open in their haste to get food. He didn’t tell anyone he was coming, either. It was supposed to be a surprise . And a surprise it was, when he heard his name.
“Channie Hyung, we have to do something about Lino Hyung. He just keeps getting weirder. Like really, I don’t remember him being this- this odd when we debuted. We really can't keep pretending it's normal. It’s starting to make us look bad, unprofessional or something.”
The words were, mean, terrible really, but they were a thousand times worse coming from Seungmin. Kim Seungmin, the boy who had sat with him at lunch everyday as trainees and stayed up late with him to practice his lines. The same seungmin that cried when he was eliminated now sounded like he didn’t want him there at all.
Chan heaved a sigh so heavy that Lee Know could vividly picture the way his leader's hand dragged down his face. The man’s reply came quiet and defeated, like he’d had this conversation with himself a million times and always came to the same conclusion.
“Yeah… I know. I’ll talk to the managers about him-” The punched out sound that left Lee Know’s throat was entirely involuntary and quiet as it was, it was enough to alert the others to his presence. Both heads whipped around in his direction. Seungmin was the first to speak.
“Hyung?” Lee know had never moved so fast in his life. The water bottle slid out of his hand, clanging on the tile floors as he bolted down the hallway. He didn’t take the elevator, opting instead to descend the stairs two at a time. He didn’t call for a company car either, electing to use back alleys to get home unseen.
He made it back to his dorm undisturbed. No one called. No one texted. It was as if nothing had happened at all. Once inside, he immediately headed to his room, locking the door behind him and curling up on a ball in the middle of his floor to wait for Chan to inevitably show up.
Not twenty minutes later, Lee Know heard the front door open and Chan’s tell-tale footsteps approaching his bedroom. The knock was expected. He didn’t open it. That didn’t stop the older, though.
“Lino-yah, I’m not sure how much you heard but we’re just worried about you. You’ve been so different lately. We’re not kicking you out of the group, I promise! It's just that- I’m going to ask management if we can put you on temporary hiatus, until we can figure out what's wrong with you.” And wasn’t that the killing blow. His only Hyung thought there was something wrong with him. Damaged. Defective. Incorrect. Out of place. WRONG..
They didn’t love him. Not really. Not the way he loved them. If they did, they wouldn’t ask him to change something so fundamental to him as his personality in order to be around them.
“It’s going to be okay, Lino-ya. We’re going to figure out how to fix it, and then you can come back.” Lee Know replied with the only thing left to say.
“I understand, Hyung”
He waited for Chan to leave, and waited some more for Han to come home and go to sleep. He took the letter he’d painstakingly written in the interim and the bag he’d hastily packed and silently slipped out of his room. He placed the letter on the island counter, putting Han’s favorite mug on top so it was sure to be seen, and carefully snuck out the front door.
No need for goodbyes when they’d left him behind ages ago.
