Hi.I have a bit of a sensitive question. I'm a white girl who was adopted by a black family when I was a baby, my mom said she saw me and instantly knew I was meant to be hers. I grew up with rootwork in the house, my grandmother taught me all that I know about rootwork and life in general. However since coming onto Tumblr, I feel like I can't carry on with the traditions I was brought up with because of my skin colour. Any advice? I understand if it's too much of a sensitive question. Thanks❤️
Hey there! I’m sorry that you’re in this situation because it’s definitely a difficult one, and I think it’s good that you reached out about it. I’ve spent my morning thinking on this and asking friends and researching transracial adoption… and to be honest I’ve realized that I don’t think I have enough intimate knowledge of the complexities of transracial adoptions to answer this adequately. I have four different members of my family who were adopted, but I was not adopted and don’t have a deep understanding of that experience.
I’m gonna share some of my honest thoughts about hoodoo, ancestry, and race, but I don’t think I have a definitive answer for you on exactly what to do.
I’ve included my thoughts below the keep reading line, but I ask other black rootworkers - especially anyone with an understanding of transracial adoption to also join in on the conversation and share some insight.
I was always taught across Africana traditions and hoodoo that having black ancestry is a fundamental part of the practice. It’s in your blood and bones, it’s in your DNA, it’s how you channel and tap into your wisdom and the juju of an unbroken lineage of ancestors going back through slavery and back across the waters to West Africa where these traditions have their origins. Beyond just cultural appropriation (which matters too on a different level), there’s also that blood ancestry aspect that to me is a tradition-level inherent reason why non-black folks (people without any African descent) simply can’t practice hoodoo no matter how hard they may try to.
You said you feel like you can’t practice because of your skin color, but I have white skin too. The difference is that I’m white passing, not white. We may both appear white to most people, but when I take a DNA test, my African ancestry sure does show up next to my European ancestry. I am biracial. We both have black family - and they are your family as much as mine is my family - but you are still white because that doesn’t change your race. Just like a black kid adopted into a white family would still be black - not white.
To me where this gets extra confusing is that since they are your family and they chose to teach you… I mean those are your family traditions too, and while you’re still white, having a black family means that black culture may be a part of your culture too. This is where this question gets into the transracial adoption territory beyond my experience and knowledge. You probably have a special and unique relationship to black culture that other white people don’t have because of your transracial adoption, and that’s an amazing thing. I respect that and it was your grandma’s choice to teach you hoodoo.
No one can take those experiences or that bond away from you with your family and with your upbringing. I just urge you to understand the privileges you have as a white person. Many of those privileges overlap with the ones I have as a white passing person. Our white skin and appearance mean we are favored by society over our families in soooooo many ways more than we can fathom or imagine even when we try to grasp it. We don’t have to be afraid of cops in the same way as our family members do. I don’t know what it’s like to actually be adopted, but people have assumed that I am more often than not.
We have many of the same privileges and possibly even some of the same challenges as white-looking people in black families, but racially we are not the same. You also have different challenges than me a person who was transracially adopted, but you have different privileges as a white person too. I think these differences are extremely important for you to understand when looking at how you engage with black culture. It’s a part of your family and your cultural upbringing, but it’s not your race, which is something that goes beyond skin color when it comes to being black in the US.
From a young age, my mom made sure I knew that I was biracial black, and that has been a part of my heritage and life experience in terms of who I am knowing that my white passing privileges can be stripped away any time because I’m not actually white. I proudly choose to identify as biracial even when it means people laughing at me not believing it because it’s not something I can change - it’s who I was born as.
You were born the way you are too, and like I’ve said you also have your own and unique experiences because of that. And unfortunately, you’re in very very difficult to navigate waters as a result of it all. I wish I could tell you the best way to navigate that and where are the “lines” are, but truthfully I don’t know because I don’t know exactly what or how your grandma taught you or what her thoughts are on the whole ancestry aspect. I don’t fully know how cultural appropriation applies in the complex situation of transracial adoption. That’s why I put so much emphasis just now on the race piece - the one thing I do know, is that regardless of everything else, you are white.
So while I may not be able to give exact advice about what to do or what not to do, I strongly urge you to remember that and understand that your identity and life experience, as well as your connection to these traditions and culture, is fundamentally different than it is for us black folks. You don’t have a birthright to it in the way that we do, yet it is a part of your family traditions and culture. I don’t know what that means for you, but I do think that it’s essential for you to try to understand as much as possible as you figure out what to do going forward.
I hope this helps, and I also urge you to listen to what other black folks have to say if anyone else weighs in on it. Please do NOT listen to the opinions of anyone who isn’t black about this matter… they really don’t get a say about it.
#Fridayintroductions. Adoptive moms to Tiny (2.5) & Sweet (4.5). Foster parents to the boys' older sister, currently transitioning to her preadoptive home. Previous foster parent to the boys' older brother, also in his preadoptive home. Therapist mom is complex trauma expert, clinician & professor. Artist mom is former social worker turned web designer. We blog about the intersections of #transracialadoption #fostercare #LGBTparenting. We microblog our day-to-day here (IG) & aim to let our anonymous photos do the bulk of our storytelling. We are advocates for reunification, attachment-focused parenting & social justice. We keep doing what we're doing because we think it's important & that sentiment keeps getting reinforced by you all. We are so grateful for the positive exposure during #fostercareawarenessmonth. The heavy. In our home we are straddling two worlds. On the one hand we are a family of four who have not yet fully lived as a family of four since finalizing adoption last year. We are turning the corner toward that life & feel the seismic shift daily. We are worn. On the other hand we are transitioning our biggest kiddo into her preadoptive family & moving through our collective big feelings that come along with such a thing. We are knowingly separating siblings just as we knew at the onset this would be the outcome. But we remained steadfast & hopeful that the best possible outcomes would arrive for all 4 kiddos we have grown to love fiercely over the last several years. In the absence of their birth family and families of origin, whom we hope will show up if appropriate, we have stepped in to fill a lifelong gap through adopting from foster care. We say that not to toot our horns or raise our great white hope flags, but to state that we are here doin the work. Learning. Loving. Expanding. Through all that feels wholly unfair or otherwise, we stand here in the gap, holding our own individual & collective hopes for a future & a life worth celebrating in its many complexities & shades of beauty. Standing in awe of what people carry vs. in judgment of how they carry it. #twomoms #familieslikemine #motherhooduprising #joyfulmamas #adoption
It's been a busy few weeks for us with lots of finishing up work projects, spring cleaning and welcoming warmer weather. It's easy to forget slower days are coming once summer starts. In that time, a handful of incredible things have come our way which we are quietly celebrating & so very grateful for. We think you'll like #5 best... ** 1. Nominated for Mom Blog of the Year by our blogging peers at @mom2summit's Iris Awards 🙌🏼 2. Partnering with @biokleeninc all of May to raise awareness during National Foster Care Awareness Month 👊🏼 3. Contributing to the wonderful @hellolunchlady's next magazine🙏🏼 4. @instagram themselves asked to feature us for Mothers' day 😱 5. Our most important news by far: Our biggest kiddo got matched with an outstanding adoptive family. ❤️ #fostercareawarenessmonth #candidchildhood #mom2summit #transracial #transracialadoption
Flashback to a very small Tiny. A baby who coslept with his moms & never slept more than 3 hour chunks. A baby who loved on his beebees & his brothers & sister with tender ferocity in the way only the youngest of a big group of siblings can get away with. He voluntarily went to his birth mom for the first time in his little life today, during our first post-adoption visit. It was epic for both of them. Everyone in the room, really. Healthy in many ways. We he needed a shot of love from his secure base, us, he'd run into our arms, hang tight for a few, then reapproach the room & everyone in it. That's a really big deal. #attachmentparenting #transracialadoption #openadoption
2017. 2016. 2015. Lots to say about the significance of the photo of the 3 of them. But not tonight. Not right now. We are home. Happy & exhausted with a comfortable ocean breeze & some mom time. ✌🏼❤️ #siblinghoodlove #transracialadoption #fostercare
When you need to keep your babies moisturized & prevent eczema flair-ups. After trying hydrolatum, aquaphor, Curel, shea moisture, Egyptian Magic, Weleda skin food, Weleda Calendula, Avenas botanicals fairy flower cream, Eucerin, prescription cortisol, pure shea butter, pure coconut butter... We found this works best on short hair, skin & scalp. 🤙🏽 #transracialadoption #skincare #chocolatehairvanillacare #fostercare #fmvids
This week, the New Yorker published the long-form article “Living in Adoption’s Emotional Aftermath.” Transracial adoptee and adoption consultant Angela Tucker participated in this piece, which was thoughtfully reported and written by Larissa MacFarquhar. In Angela’s words, the article is “truly adoptee-centered, nuanced and powerful … it’s one of the strongest pieces on adoptee perspectives to date.” Visit Angela’s blog at The Adopted Life to read about her experience being a part of this piece, and be sure to check out her link to the New Yorker article, which also has an audio version available! https://tinyurl.com/3ee43dpu
