When Darkness Finally Meets the Light (Chapter 10)
Pairings: Saja Boys x fem!Reader
Tags: Reincarnation, Soulmates, Polyamory, wee bit o angst
Rating: T+
Summary:
The longer you are a demon the easier it is to only feel negative emotions or, worse, no emotions at all.
But there’s a legend, a whispered story of hope amongst demons, about finding a soulmate. They’re not once in a lifetime, as in if you miss them they never come back. No, many souls are old. They’ve seen multiple lifetimes. The older the soul, the more powerful they are up until a point- there comes a time when a soul reaches its epitome and moves on after their death, their final experience.
You find a soul like that, who’s also your soulmate, they say it can bring back your soul, your emotions.
Your desire to live.
But can it truly heal the curse of being controlled by Gwi-ma?
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(masterlist)
Word Count: 2.4k
You stared up at the ceiling before your alarm had even gone off, the face of the boy still clear in your mind.
Yujin.
Those bright blue eyes.
You knew without a shadow of a doubt who it was.
You picked up your phone just as the alarm started to ring, quickly dismissing it and opening up your texts.
“Is your name Yujin?” you sent before you could second guess yourself.
Your phone was ringing not even a second later.
You answered.
“How do you know that name?” Baby’s voice rasped, deeper than usual.
“I thought you had beef with the sunrise,” you half-heartedly teased, though your voice was quiet.
“Y/N,” Baby all but growled. “How. Do you know that name?”
“It was in my dream last night…” you finally breathed. “I knew it was you.”
You heard some creative cursing, the phone clearly pulled away from his face for a moment, before he was back. His voice sounded desperate when he spoke. “Tell me you weren’t who I think you were.”
You had a feeling you were exactly who he thought you were.
“I was the tutor’s daughter.”
“Fuck! Shit, I can’t-” he spat before his voice became muffled, held away from the phone’s speaker again. “Min! Come take the phone. It’s Y/N. I need- I just-”
There was a shuffling sound before a different voice came over the line.
“Y/N?” Mystery asked. “Are you alright? What happened?”
“I…” you tried to say, but the emotions from the drea- memory were washing over you again.
The confusion. The hint of anger. The anguish.
And… betrayal?
“I had a dream of- I remembered Yu- Baby's life. I knew him,” you finally managed to say.
“Ah,” Mystery said, some rustling happening in the background. “How do you feel about that?”
“He… I loved him,” you choked out, tears trickling down your face. “I thought he and I- but then his family died and some part of me thought he had something to do with it. But my family was forced to leave, and I didn't even get to say goodbye-”
A sob escaped and Mystery hummed sympathetically. “I'm sorry starlight. That must have been hard to relive.”
You took deep breaths, trying to focus on letting the feelings pass. You knew the actual memory was from decades- likely centuries ago, but it felt fresh to you.
“I'm sorry, I know it's, it's me but it's not me and I…”
“It is you, and you're experiencing it for the first time to you,” Mystery said, speaking calmly. “It's okay to be upset by it.”
You took a few more deep breaths, trying to focus on the present as the tears slowly subsided.
“You need anything?” Mystery asked after a moment.
“... I think I'm okay,” you responded softly. “Is… Is Baby okay?”
“He probably needs a moment. It's not my story to tell, but that memory is laced in sadness for him, too,” Mystery replied. “I'm sure he'll reach out to you soon.”
You forced yourself to get out of bed, shuffling towards your bathroom. “I… I guess I should go. I still need to get ready for work,” you mumbled.
“If you need anything, just text us,” Mystery said.
“I will,” you whispered back. “Thanks Mystery.”
“Of course starlight. You have a good day.”
“You, too.”
You went through your routine on autopilot, mind feeling fuzzy. It wasn't until you checked your work bag that you spotted your dream journal where you'd tucked it last night.
You stared at it for a moment before sighing and grabbing it. You could at least jot it down, maybe it'd help you move on from it.
As you were writing down the last sentences, your phone buzzed in your pocket. You finished off the story, feeling your composure give slightly. You took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly before finally checking your phone.
“Baby just about bit my head off. Said he's gonna walk with you this morning. I'll meet you after work, hope that's okay darling,” Abby sent.
“That's okay. I'll see you this evening.” You sent back, stomach clenching anxiously.
You picked up the pace, pouring your coffee in one of your travel cups before slipping out the door.
As you pushed open the front door to the building and stepped outside, you spotted a figure hunched over nearby. They had on an oversized hoodie and their hands were shoved in their pockets.
Immediately, you felt the tension leave your body, your anger evaporating.
You walked over to him calmly, stopping next to him. “Hey.”
Baby jumped slightly, eyes snapping over to you. You saw them flash gold for a moment, but what really caught your attention was the red rimming around them. He opened his mouth, only to slam it shut again. His gaze looked panicked.
You glanced at the bus stop and then nudged his shoulder. “Come on, let's walk.”
You quickly got out your phone and texted your manager, letting her know you had a small emergency and would be an hour late. She texted back quickly and told you to take care. Nodding to yourself, you directed Baby past the bus stop. You were taking the long way to work today.
The two of you walked in silence for a while. You could tell Baby wanted to talk, so you gave him the space to do so when he was ready.
A few blocks later, he finally spoke.
“I…” his voice cracked and he cleared his throat. “I'm sorry.”
You glanced at him but held your tongue, which seemed to encourage him to keep going.
“I- fuck, I mean. I just- I fucked up in every way possible,” he continued, voice catching at the end. “My family- they didn't deserve that. You didn't deserve that.” You saw his shoulders hunch further. “I'll never be able to apologize to them, and I didn't think I'd ever be able to apologize to you either.”
“What are you sorry for?” You asked softly.
He laughed bitterly and it reminded you of how he laughed when you'd tried to console him about his family. “What am I not sorry for? I was a spoiled brat and it lead to me losing everything.”
He kicked the ground and huffed. “It happened shortly after my father had approved me courting you. I…” he scowled, “I know how I acted, but I never felt like I was enough to be worthy of you.”
He took in a shaky breath, still looking at the ground as you both walked. “That's the first time I heard him in my ear. He told me I was nothing, that I was never going to be good enough… but that he could make sure I was. He said he'd give me everything I deserved.”
“And I believed him,” he whispered. “I became such an ass after that, feeling so confident that I had solved all my problems.” He scoffed. “I even remember being handsy with you- I was so…” He shakes his head.
“And then my family-” his voice got choked up and he stopped. “I- I didn't hate them. I didn't even hate my brother. I just couldn't be happy with all I had. I didn't want the throne, I just wanted more, but I already had it!” His voice got louder in frustration.
He paused for a bit, breathing heavily for a moment. “... The worst part was that even after everything, I lost you.” He finally glanced at you, his eyes still red rimmed. Once he looked back down at his feet, he continued. “I was so busy, at first, with the funeral arrangements and the passing of the throne- but then I know my advisors were keeping you from me. Those fuckers- they didn't want a commoner,” he rolled his eyes at the word, “to step foot in the throne room, much less taint the bloodline.”
“They wouldn't even tell me when you were leaving, I just came out of a meeting one day and you were gone.”
“I tried to find you all day,” you whispered, and his gaze snapped over to you. “They kept intercepting me, saying you were too busy.” You crossed your arms, holding them tightly against yourself. “I wanted to say goodbye. I hate that I didn't get to.”
“... I found your note,” Baby admitted quietly. “That night, after I realized you were gone, I went to our tree and sat under it… and there it was.”
He shook his head. “They never told me where your family moved to. Every day I grew more resentful and angry at myself. It built and boiled until my patterns took over my body and I was dragged down to where I belonged.”
You immediately looked at Baby, eyes narrowed in concern. “You don't belong there.”
He glared at you, scowling. “Yes I do. You of all people should know-”
“Yeah, me of all people. I do know! You were suffering and he took advantage of that!” You snapped.
“We could've had lifetimes together,” he hissed. “You would never have wanted for anything if I hadn't been-”
“A normal person with insecurities?” You bit back. “We all get in our own head sometimes. You cared about me so much that you were afraid of fucking it up. That's normal! He is the one who twisted that. He killed your family and ripped me away, not you.”
Baby's jaw clenched, but you kept your gaze on him.
“Nothing you've said to me today has made think any less of you,” you told him, voice quiet but firm. “He took advantage of your vulnerability, of your fears.” You shook your head subtly, feeling your eyes well up again. “You didn't ask for them to die. You didn't want that. The fact that you're still mad at yourself now, centuries later, shows that you're a good person who made a mistake. That you didn't deserve any of it.”
“Then why did it happen to me?” He hissed. “If I didn't do something to deserve it- My family certainly didn't do anything wrong so it has to be my fault.”
You saw Baby curling in on himself again and you immediately glanced around. Spotting a nearby alley, you grabbed his wrist and dragged him over to it. The second you were out of sight, you pulled him into you, hugging him as tightly as you could.
It was like a string snapped. Baby's arms wrapped around you, hands grasping you like his life depended on it. His head went to your shoulder and you felt his body shake as silent tears soaked your shirt.
You tucked your head into his neck, feeling your own tears escape, too. “I'm so so sorry that happened to you Yujin,” you whispered. “Neither of us deserved that, but we're here now. I'm here now.”
Your fingers curled into his shirt. “I forgive you.”
You heard a choked off sob in response to that. “But how do I forgive myself?” He whispered, voice breaking.
“By living,” you replied just as softly, “one day at a time. And if you need me to tell you every day that you didn't deserve it, until you believe it, I will.”
Baby clung to you, as if afraid you were going to disappear. You didn't mind, as your own emotions were coursing through you, too. You just held him close until he finally stopped shaking.
“Don't you need to go to work or something,” he grumbled petulantly against your neck.
“I told my boss I had an emergency and was going to be a little late,” you replied.
“... I don't deserve you,” he whispered.
“Well no one is entitled to any relationship, so it doesn't matter what you think you do or don't deserve,” you told him. “I'm here and I want to be here. That's my choice.”
After a bit, Baby finally pulled back. His gaze was locked with yours for a moment before he leaned in, giving you a gentle kiss. “I'm sorry,” he said again.
“I know.” You replied softly, cupping his cheek. “I forgive you.”
Baby's hands shifted down to your waist. “I don't want you to go to work today,” he grumbled.
“Sorry, they don't allow clingy cats at work,” you teased lightly, kissing his cheek when he hissed playfully back.
He huffed, turning to slip an arm around your lower back as you both began to walk once more. “I just… I feel like I just got you back,” he admitted quietly.
You leaned into him. “I've been here, and I'm not going anywhere. You'll see me again in a few hours.”
He grumbled something under his breath, leaning his head against yours.
You directed your route over to another bus stop. It wasn't your usual, but it was one that still connected to your work. As you waited there, Baby shifted behind you, slipping both hands around your waist as he buried his head into the crook of your neck.
You grabbed your phone out of your pocket and sneakily took a selfie.
You thought about sending it to the group chat, but instead made a separate one with just you, Baby, and Mystery.
“I have a clingy cat on me.” You captioned it.
“Need any help with him?” Mystery sent back.
You reached back and patted the top of Baby's head. “I think we'll be ok. I'll let you know.”
You nudged Baby gently. “Do you want Myst to meet you at my work?”
He sighed. “Fine.”
“Can you meet us at my work?” You texted back.
“I'll be right there.”
Baby remained clingy the whole bus ride. As the two of you stepped off near your work, you spotted Mystery hanging out on a bench. They stood up as you walked closer, meeting you half way.
“Come on Yu,” Mystery said, grabbing Baby's waist from behind.
Baby growled at him, but didn't put up a fight otherwise. You turned around and gave both of them a kiss. “I'll see you this evening.”
“See you later doll,” Baby said softly. There was a slight desperation to his gaze, but he stayed in Mystery's arms.
You paused, leaning in and giving Baby one more, lingering kiss. Your heart clenched, but you made yourself step back and turn away.
It'd only be a few hours, but already it felt like centuries.
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