#triggering words

[knockingfrominside]

Maybe in another universe I’m not so angry.

[knockingfrominside]

I died when I was 16

And no one noticed

[knockingfrominside]

I feel like a zombie

Like I have nothing left to give

And I’m just existing

Perhaps it’s the new meds

Or perhaps I just have hit my limit

[knockingfrominside]

“You just never shut up”

I can’t help it

When the words spew out my mouth begging to be heard

Like the cry of a baby who doesn’t know how to say what he wants

[knockingfrominside]

I can’t wait for the day when breathing doesn’t seem like such a chore.

[knockingfrominside]

A letter to myself,

Dear Manic Me,

I hate you

I hate when you lie to me and tell me everything is finally okay

I hate when you convince me to spend all my money and not think anything through because

We all die, nothing last forever, so live before you lose your chance

I hate when you get me so high I can no longer fathom coming down

I hate when you gaslight me into thinking I am finally cured when in reality

You're just using me to feed into your power trip

I hate the way you tell me I need no one

I hate the way you use me and I hate the way I let you

Dear Manic Me,

I love you

I love the way you give me a break and tell me everything is finally okay

I love the way you convince me it is okay to let loose because everything can be gained back because

I worked hard for this.... reward

I love when you get me so high that I no longer have to worry about reality

I love the way you let me know that my sadness does not consume me nor does it last forever

I love the way you remind me I do not need people in my life, for I am my own person

I love the way you build me up and protect me

[knockingfrominside]

I know what sacrifice is

It’s all I’ve done my entire life

Sacrificed bits and pieces of myself for the people around me

Never taking into consideration that one day it’ll leave me empty

With nothing left

Even now

I don’t care

Because I am nothing more then a person in peoples lives

Therefore, I will continue giving them each of my puzzle pieces to make them whole

[knockingfrominside]

One time we got caught in the rain

Instead of running inside

We stood in it and kissed

And hugged

Lightning filling our veins

Thunder rattling our bones

But in that moment all that mattered was

Us