I just had to say goodbye to someone who was my best friend.
Something bad happened between us I was never entirely aware of and I still don't completely understand. They were my closest friend in 2013, and to be honest, I never had a truly better friend since, so in my mind, best friend they still kinda were.
I know there's nothing I can do, because a friendship can't continue if one person no longer wants it. I guess it means not having to worry about keeping up with what's going on with them whether they're reluctant to talk about it...
I associated a lot with this person, lots of positive things. Wreck-It-Ralph (and thereby Owl City), which I happened to watch again yesterday and I thought about when we saw it. Once-ler and anime stuff and childhood games and British comedians.
I was there when I heard they were going to university and I still am so happy for them and it hurts that I won't be there to see them graduate or grow into a young adult in the future. I always thought we'd be talking as we grew older and after everything we did together, I never would've thought it'd have an abrupt end.
All I can think of right now are the great times. We met up over several instances, and a lot of things happened for the first time with them. I can thank them for some of the happiest days of my life so far. They were comforting and warm and extremely dear to me. They helped me in many ways and showed me lots of things. They took my silly fanfic ideas back in the day and I took theirs. We sat by a lighthouse over the water in the sun, we marathoned a whole tv series, we explored a city in the rain, we talked on the phone for hours, we texted while I struggled at work, we shared a bed only just after meeting. I helped get them a birthday present and heard there were tears.
I love them very much, and have struggled with the idea I might've been in love with them.
There was a lot I still wanted to do or be there for. I feel very alone, and I wish I could go back and make this right. I actually still have last year's christmas gift for them.
I'm very upset and may never get over what's happened here. I can honestly say I've never been closer, in any respect, to any other person.
I'll always care about them. I hope that in time, the bad things that caused a rift between us will fade, and they'll also just remember the fun we had. And I don't hold out hope for it, but if that happens and they want to get back in touch, for any reason, I'll be here. Having talked it through with me and let me say goodbye, I can try to focus on the best parts of our too-short time together, rather than the mistakes. We always did have very different personalities, and they taught me a lot.
Thank you. Take care. I'll miss hearing your voice. Nobody can ever replace you.