A true Mexican never wears two shirts. A true Mexican never pays someone else to do something for him. ...Unless that someone is a cousin. In which case they pay only in beer. A true Mexican loves salt. A true Mexican prefers bland foods. ...which they then add tons of salt to. A true Mexican takes better care of his truck than his girl. ...and better care of his hat than his truck. A true Mexican knows the importance of outward appearances. A true Mexican believes drinking until they piss themselves is something to brag about. A true Mexican cannot wear too much cologne. A true Mexican is a true Catholic. A true Mexican thinks personal hygiene is overrated. A true Mexican says, "When in Rome, pretend you don't speak Italian." A true Mexican is a mama's boy. ...even if she's a girl. A true Mexican will spend more on his daughter's quinceanera then her wedding. A true Mexican is good good at using adjectives as they're own adverbs. A true Mexican only drinks Budweiser. ...Unless they're feeling fancy, then it's a Corona. A true Mexican doesn't celebrate Cinco De Mayo. ...but a true Mexican never passes up an opportunity to get drunk. A true Mexican hates Donald Trump. A true Mexican never buys anything new. A true Mexican is in the country legally, if not legitimately. A true Mexican has his family name displayed prominently with pride somewhere on his personage and/or vehicle.