#trying to process

[starlit-meadow]

lake day 💖

[madwhimsical]

ohhhh i was never gonna be happy with an Aubry v Cirie vote. god theyre both such incredible players. both of them speaking to being haunted by making it so deep in the game multiple times, only to not win.... augh..... all my respect and admiration to them both

[sidsthekid]

glove to mouth

[alternias-goss1p-blog]

kankri, meulin, whats your opinions on the signless and disciple being crazy off quadrant? does it make it weird to hang out?

As y9u can guess, this is a rather c9mplex t9pic, and I ap9l9gize in advance f9r 6eing t99 l9ng-winded 9r, Alternia f9r6id, pr96lematic.

I’d like t9 first rec9gnize all f9rms 9f affecti9n whether within 9r 6ey9nd the esta6lished quadrants are entirely valid.

s9 extended as all entailed parties are enthusiastically c9nsenting and inf9rmed 9f the dynamics at play.

That 6eing said… Yes, it d9es s9metimes create a slightly awkward s9cial envir9nment.

I w9uldn’t say it’s 9vertly disc9mf9rting, and I certainly w9uld never want t9 imply that my disc9mf9rt sh9uld in any way invalidate their experiences 9r ch9ices.

H9wever, I must admit, 9n a purely pers9nal n9te, that there is a lingering c9gnitive diss9nance, a kind 9f s9cial itch, if y9u will, that 9ccurs when I witness 6ehavi9r that exists 9utside 9f the n9rmative quadrant framew9rk.

D9 I menti9n it? 96vi9usly n9t. That w9uld 6e disrespectful, impr9per, and likely relati9nship-damaging. Since the em9ti9nal and hist9rical c9nnecti9ns 6etween the Disciple and the Signless are, t9 6e h9nest, well 6ey9nd my pers9nal experience, I w9uld want t9 keep quiet 9ut 9f respect. 6ut, yes. I n9tice it.

I just... d9n't say anything. 9ut 9f respect. And 69undaries. And a general desire n9t t9 ruin what is, all things c9nsidered, a sta6le and supp9rtive dynamic.

Thank y9u f9r all9wing me the space t9 v9ice that again, n9 9ffense meant t9 any9ne, and if I’ve stepped 9ver a line, please let me kn9w. 6ut yes.I see it. I just... d9 n9t say anything.

F9r the sake 9f 69undaries and respect. Furtherm9re, there is a general desire t9 maintain what ultimately turns 9ut t9 6e a s9lid and sustaining dynamic.

Thank y9u f9r pr9viding me with the chance t9 repeat it. I d9 n9t wish t9 9ffend any9ne, 6ut if I have cr9ssed any 69undaries, d9 let me kn9w.

[nutal]

Oh man, Hazbin Hotel Season 2, huh.

I have… thoughts.

More on that later.

[permanentlyexhaustedpigeon88]

Just me, screaming into the void to get something off my chest.  Read more beneath the cut?

Like many out there, I am an adult child of some very authoritarian parents.  “Do what I say, when I say, because I say so.”  No room for questions.  Questions equate to “back-talk”, and that will be punished, sometimes severely.  Discipline the child for any transgression, because they are a child, and we are adults, and complete obedience is paramount.  Anything less is simply not acceptable. The list goes on and on.

It’s taken me a while to realize exactly how that’s impacted me, over the years, and the number of my personality traits I can attribute to how I grew up is astonishing, to say the least.  I’m not saying this or posting this to place blame, since everything that happened is in the past, and cannot be changed, and now I would much rather just move on, and try to better myself as much as I can.  I guess I’m just trying to sort out my ongoing thoughts on everything I’m learning as I’m trying to improve?  And this seemed like the best space to do that, at least for now.

The last two times I’ve seen my parents, it’s been like something has possessed me to try and talk about this with them.  In the past, it absolutely would’ve been coming from a desire to lay on the blame, or desperate need for an apology; basically just approaching it all from a very negative area in my own heart and mind.  But these two specific instances were completely different.  I came at it from a completely hypothetical angle, trying to make it very clear that I was not putting them on trial for anything they did, specifically.  For his part, during all of this, my father remained almost completely silent, the entire time, but my mom?

Oh wow, did she ever get defensive.

Retrospectively, I suppose I should’ve seen that coming.  It’s not like it’s a secret that she’s never been open to perceived criticism of any kind.  But what really threw me was her absolute refusal to even consider that any of what she did might’ve been handled in a different way.

“I refuse to apologize for how I raised you.”  Her exact words.  She then went on to bring up a time when she and my father had blamed me for something I truly did not do (I was around five when this happened), and punished me for it accordingly, as though this somehow had any relevance to what we were trying to discuss at the time.  Still trying to make sense of that one.

Anyway, compared to how I would’ve reacted to this a year ago, I did not respond with anger.  Both times, I allowed her to say her piece, vent, release her own anger, or whatever you want to call it, and remained completely calm.  It did not turn into a huge fight that ended in name-calling, or someone storming away, and the subject was changed to something else not long after.  But I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since.

Maybe it’s yet another result of said authoritarian parenting, but I cannot fathom the complete inability to accept that she might have been wrong, at least once.  As someone who has always erred on the side of assuming that I am always wrong, it completely boggles my mind.  My gut instinct whenever I detect even a whiff of wrong-doing is to apologize, even if it’s not really needed (I’m that person that says ‘sorry’ for saying ‘sorry’), so the idea that admitting to being ‘wrong’ is the end of the world is just something I cannot wrap my mind around.

What I’ve learned from this, I suppose, is that I should stop trying to bring the topic up at all, from any angle, and I fully plan to work on starting to accept that right now.  But I've discovered that it all still boils down to an authoritarian mindset, even though my parents are in their sixties, now, and I am thirty-five.  It’s still very much the mentality of “what we say is law” even though I haven’t lived under their roof in ten years.  Discussion is not an option.  In essence, I am not, and never will be an adult with a right to my own opinions in their mind (at least not if they differ from theirs).  But where a year ago that would’ve made me incredibly angry, now?

Now it just makes me sad.

So what is the point of this post, you might ask?  Honestly?  Other than for me to just toss all of my jumbled thoughts into the void, I don’t really know.  I guess at the very least, I’m just trying to advocate for change.  At its core, discipline is not inherently wrong, but it should be done in a way that is appropriate for the child.  In a way that encourages them to learn about the world, and their place in it, instead of preaching mindless submission.  

As a disclaimer, I am not a parent, and likely will never become one, so I don’t know the first thing about the difficulties raising tiny humans can bring.  I don’t know how terrifying it can be to know you are responsible for molding them into the human that they might one day become.  But there has to be a way to find balance between ensuring your children know right from wrong, and ensuring that they grow up thinking they are inferior in every possible way.  Because it’s taken me thirty five years just to start trying to move forward. To start trying to change how I view not only myself, but the world as a whole.  

And I won’t even pretend to think that would have ever happened if others (you know who you are 💕) hadn’t been patient enough to guide me there, first.

[starlight-labyrinth-system]

Hiding in the bathroom at work crying. Why am I so detached from everyone and everything? Every relationship I have feels so shallow and the only thing that truly felt real to me is gone. I’m just a magnet for trouble. The others are trying so hard to break that cycle- and I feel like I’m just dragging them down. I wish I could feel like I have a connection to people.

-Emily

[bornspellcaster]

Holy…fuck.

…He’s Philip. He got cursed trying to go the fuck home and if….the beasts they’re cursed with can demand shit from them….

IS BELOS’ BEAST CURSE THE ACTUAL TITAN AND THAT’S WHY IT TALKS TO HIM??

Hunter needs serious mental help

I still maintain Belos needs serious help, something fucked him up with that curse. Along with the grief of watching his…comrades?? die???? IS THAT THE FAMILY HE’S TALKING ABOUT??

PHILIP PHILIP I CAN’T BELIEVE I SAW MORE OF PHILIP

Kiki needs serious mental help and by god how old is she?? I’m starting to think she’s younger than I thought. Or just childish when she wants to be

CUTE GIRLFRIENDS

SO MANY OF MY HEADCANONS WERE CONFIRMED AND IM JUST.

edit: wait Belos has witch ears oh I’m more confused now