#ttc update

[silverstars87]

So I figured out my issue with the surgery at the university owned hospital.

I don’t trust anyone but the surgeon. It’s a super invasive surgery so that makes it even worse. They likely wouldn’t allow @theglowstickchronicles in the OR to supervise everyone to make sure no shady shit happened.

Hubby, surgeon and I mutually decided not to do surgery at this time. I will go forward with IVF first & if no result after 2 cycles then I can try surgery.

I felt like that was a fair plan and she’s not mad at me. She was very iffy about doing the surgery in the first place and since my RE said I don’t have to do it before IVF, holding off is ok.

[rainbowinthemaking]

Waiting for CD 1

Today’s not a good day. All the excitement of starting this new part of our journey is starting to wear off, and be replaced my fear. What if my body can’t do this? What if it hurts (and it will hurt)? What if I can’t do this?

My anxiety has been manageable for so long now I think I really convinced myself I beat it. But here it is again, beating me.

I’m scared. I am fucking terrified. I am mad that I even have to be someone who has to go through this.

I’m not religious so sometimes I feel like I find this all even harder than most. Nothing to shift the blame on to, or turn it in to a positive for. There is no one “testing me” or “giving me as much as I can handle”. It’s just the cards I have been dealt and they fucking suck.

IVF just might be another avenue I fail. But I’ll be dammed if I don’t face the fear head on and at least try.

[ttcwitch-blog]

According to my app my next fertile week starts with the New Year (Jan 1st). Though there's been no sign of AF yet so we'll see how accurate that is. My next one after that is estimated to be at the end of the month, but again, we'll see if my body goes along with that.

I'm completely out of opk's so it's all just a guessing game for now.

[bopowithpcos-blog]

Update: my period came the next morning. I took a second test which obviously said "not pregnant."

It’s super faint, but it’s definitely there. I’m freaking out a little. I thought I would be more excited, but I just feel like it’s not actually happening. I feel like I’m waiting for the rug to be pulled from beneath my feet.

[ourqueerfamily-blog]

Sorry customer, I can’t hear you over the sound of my BFP!!!!

[silverstars87]

Debating outing my infertility journey on Facebook during infertility week so people stop asking me when I’m having kids... especially my MIL.

[silverstars87]

This infertility journey sucks while you are in limbo.

I have 6 more weeks to wait until I find out what other tests they want to do.

Eight weeks until I get a plan.

Seeing all the pregnancy announcements is hard.

[rainbowinthemaking]

“Maybe If You Stopped Trying It Would Happen”

I don’t think there is a sentence I hate more. 

I don’t think I have ever heard more flawed logic than this. You don’t get that football scholarship without trying hard and getting good grades. You don’t get that promotion without proving you have what it takes. You don’t win the lottery without buying a ticket. 

So why would I, someone diagnosed with infertility, suddenly get that bundle of joy when we stopped trying? Not focusing on it isn’t going to make me ovulate better. Not trying isn’t going to get anything fertilized (I mean, we have to TRY to even have the possibility of that happening, I’m not the Virgin Mary.)

Our pregnancy has a 2% of happening naturally according to our fertility clinic. Two. Percent. And that’s with trying. 

And to be honest, after 3 years we are tired of trying. I am tired of ovulation tests, I am tired of temperature checks, we are tired of losing the fun of intimacy. I am tired of being left to symptom spot, get my hopes up, and then ultimately be let down. 

We’re ready to move on to IVF. Which we have been told bumps our chances up to 50% per embryo. I like those odds a heck of a lot better. And we only get those odds with trying.