#tulpamancy journal

[baocries]

day 15

nothing is happening. frankly it’s my own fault for not talking to lori much because I forget to, but I try to narrate when i can. idk. it’s just lowk impatient.

i keep accidentally parroting. i know i am because if i ask that it’s her and let myself be quiet its always silent. im not too big on visualization rn , but is that important?

i guess im not as plural prone as I thought. it’s been 2 weeks and still nothing much has happened. im so sorry lorelai

i want to be plural i want to be plural that sounds horrible but i want to be plural

[baocries]

day 13

i forced a bit with lori today, mainly explained the plot of the magnus archives for 40 minutes. I narrated a bit when i remembered to, like when i played Mario party or drew for a bit. it’s getting harder to remember to talk to her, I feel so bad. 

unrelated, but i think im going to relisten to the magnus archives. it’ll give me more space to talk to her and get me off this damn phone.

so far no recent developments in her growth

[baocries]

day 12

didn’t force much today. a lot was “lori do you see this shit”

[baocries]

day 11

nothing really happened today besides head pressures and stuff . I keep accidentally parroting over lori, which may sound like “oh that’s just her” but no I know for a fact it’s just me. idk why i do this

[baocries]

tulpa creation day 10?

I THINK LORI SPOKE TULPISH OR SOMETHING I DONT KNOWWWWWWWWWW . I was having a mini forcing sesh (got cut down to 7 minutes because I got interrupted in the middle) but near the end ..:i had this really abstract thought? i can’t completely describe it, it just felt like a spark. i don’t know if it was me or not but … it could be closer. it felt like if you could hear colors, but no sounds or visual were involved . I know that sounds stupid but it felt like something was there . im not sure

I’ll try to talk to lori more often; but its really hard when its just one sided convo, and I constantly forget to. 

[baocries]

Tulpa creation day 8

i keep forgetting to talk to lori because uh idk i just procrastinate. IM SOEY!!!! I HAVE A FORXING SESSION WITH YOU TOMORROW!!!!!!!

ILL IMAGINE YOU AND TALK TO YOU AND TELL YOU YOUR PERSONALITY!!! LORI GET DISTRACTED ITS THAT DAMN PHONE IM SORRY

[baocries]

Tulpa creation day 6

i didnt have time for a proper forcing session today , but i tried my best to narrate to lori all day . my mindvoice is easier to make out when i talk to her . idk , nothing special happened today

[baocries]

Tulpa creation day 5

forcing session - around 35 minutes 

i. am so tired. i feel so so so bad for lorelai because i keep forgetting to talk to her during the day. i try having forcing sessions but my mind always drifts away when I get distracted. i feel so bad!!!!! im horrible!!!!! 

i don’t know what to do anymore. every single thing i see only works with vocal tulpas. i know just talking to her will work but im scared im not doing it enough. but its so hard. im not focused on creating a wonderland yet because i want to work on that with her. 

i feel extra tired and emotional recently. no clue why. especially when im forcing. idk if its her or some other thing. i think its the latter. 

I’ll try having shorter forcing sessions, for now i just dont know what to do except talk to her