Stash of one liner jokes or puns
I shot my first turkey today. Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen food section, it was awesome!
I have the heart of a lion. And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
I bought a book on how to build a staircase the other day. It’s a step by step guide.
I taught my pig karate and when I came home the other day he was doing pork chops.
My Dad used to say ‘always fight fire with fire’, which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
I’ve got a weird math quirk. I’ll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers.
I was just saying to myself the other day, “I can’t believe that cloning machine worked!”
People quite often ask me how I became so good at deer hunting. I just stand there, on my huge pile of deer, and shout down “I’m just on top of my game.”
What do you call a snake that studies past events? A hisssssstorian.
I found a spider in my shoes. He looks ridiculous, they’re too big for him.
I bought my gym membership at Costco. I’ve got 36-pack abs now
And the Lord said to John, “Come forth and you shall receive eternal life.”
But John came fifth, and won a toaster..