#tw self destructive

[itspixthecrazybitch]

I need to fight someone holy shit I need to feel the burn of punches and kicks I need to feel the adrenaline rush in my veins. I don’t care if I win. I don’t mind getting hurt. I just need a fucking fight.

[zozoubbb]

idk just maybe im not a shithead toxic person and i should not suffer and hurt myself because of that thought. maybe my mind is just fucked up

[an3m1ctw1nk]

blood

pry the nails off my fingers , until you cannot look any longer . cover my complexion with gore & horror , until your heartbeat grows stronger . i beg of you , slice my skull in two . until you cannot help but gaze into my soulless eyes . it shall never stop . i will never want it to . we shall pray for it to never end !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i will bleed.................................................................................. ...............................and......bleed........................................................ ...........from..............................................head............................................ to toe.

written: 12/22/18 @ 12:19 am

[1ncend1ary]

lol

[needweaponneedhugto]

“I don’t know how to say this but… right now I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders as if I’m holding everyone up. As if that if I stop then everything collapses. Why is this how it works? Why? I’m not even a teen yet, I was eleven and holding up all of your problems. I was okay with it because I loved you. I still do. I’m messed up though because there is nothing I can do about it. Why am I still doing this, why are we still doing this? What’s the point in doing this. We’re all leaning on broken pillars. What’s the point. What the hell are we doing trying to piece together bits of an incomplete puzzle. Don’t you get it? I try every day to pick up any piece of our fallen kingdom I can find and re build it. I can’t keep doing this myself. I know that I don’t know everything but right now I feel alone. Right now I feel like I’m living in the shadow of something that was once great. Is it okay to feel that way?! I was eleven and f*cking building a kingdom of happiness for you all. I had barely lived my life yet. I hardly got a goddamn childhood. All those happy memories were swept away when the pillars left. Don’t you dare tell me that it isn’t my fault because I know it isn’t. Which is what makes it worse. It makes it worse because I feel like it is. Don’t tell me that I don’t need to feel this way because I’m desperately trying to clean up after all of you. I was eleven. What the heck was I supposed to do. I followed you all blindly and here I am now. Whatever kingdom of happiness and envelope of love I was getting was fake. I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I have no fucking idea. I hate it because I was eleven and I haven’t improved. Ever day I scour through the dust and ashes to find anything. Something that I can add to the imaginary kingdom I built for us all. That we built for us. That toppled down. I was eleven, I hardly think I deserved that. Why… people keep forgetting that I was eleven. Eleven and telling people that everything was going to be okay. I was eleven and lying for you! I was eleven and picking which problems to share and what to keep to myself. I was eleven and learning that no one listens unless you scare them. That no one cares unless you do to. I was eleven! I was a kid! I… why. Why? Why… I wasn’t supposed to know this yet. I wasn’t supposed to know any of this. I wasn’t supposed to find out half of what I know yet. Why is this my life now? Why do you think that this okay for me, I miss being a kid . I miss being a child and I’m sorry for wanting that. I’m so sorry for wanting all this to be gone. I was eleven… I was scared out of my mind. I. Was. Fucking. Eleven! Why… why, why, why, why. I was eleven and going insane because of the amount of worry and stress that I had dumped onto me,” a future voice inside Lixen’s head whispered as she sent the ask that signed her fate…

( taken from one of my old stories )

[thealpacafarmer]

in my self destructive moods lately i’ve recently come across a really unexpected urge to take up smoking... it’s so weird. but i’d lose weight, anxiety, friends, and years off my life, and in the right moment that all sounds pretty good. 

[littleyell]

worries

the worst part about being self destructive is how much i love it.