idk anywhere else to vent to, i already did to my friends but they didnt care much only my girlfriend. im gonna sound too emo 16yrs old is overreacting but ok thats who i am right now. not gonna tell the whole situation and im gonna stop I HATE THAT I EXPLAIN MYSELF FOR EVERYTHING OH MY GOD.
i wish my dad really put effort into raising me. growing up i always realized the sacrifices my mom makes for me all the time while he is just there. of course there is his sacrifices, he works a lot and i know he cares for me, but he also brags about that whenever i communicate sadness about his behaviour. my parents arent together and have never been. i spent most time of my life with my mom and now he is trying to change that, i appreciate it but he never seems to change much.
i watched my mom forget herself multiple times, not even having boyfriends or being free because of me. not saying that this is a good thing, nor am glorifying it, she wouldnt have to do that if my dad just played by his role more. he always hop on different girlfriends and he is so in love he puts them as priorities and doesnt mind much for me. i feel like he barely knows me and sometimes he doesnt even bother to.
he doesnt remember anything i tell him, mostly because he doesnt bother asking about it again. it feels like im the least interesting thing in his life. i also hate how whenever i tell him how i feel he akways plays it down to me overreacting or even being influenced by my mom. yeah because i cant be upset with someone if another person doesnt tell me too.
the worst part is i know he loves me and he always says he is trying to change. i always believe things will get better but im wrong all the time. i dont need someone who is always apologizing i just want a dad who i dont have to ask to act like one. in the end he always makes me feel like the little kid waiting for him with my backpack ready then my mom tells me he wont pick me up anymore even after saying he would in the same day. i wish he was someone i could run to if im feeling upset, if i want advice, like a dad should. but ok i guess ill stick with my mom even if it kills me that im such a burden to her.
yall dont have to say anything really, i just wanted to write down what im really feeling withou being embarresed of my self. i already am but ok.
