🕸⊹⋆edgy teen time capsule⋆⊹🕸

only written for myself, years ago & want an outlet to start again. poems(& such) written by 13/14 yr old me to 18 yr old me. enjoy! (i haven't written since i will b rusty/not post much.) CW: suicide, dysphoria, slight gore-y descriptions, general angst, & cringe!

[an3m1ctw1nk]

nowadays when i weep to the sky, it's not because its the only one there to listen. i used to weep to the sun, only when i lost all hope. nowadays when i weep into the sky, it is because the world needs to hear me. i no longer shout at the moon because, nowadays the sky and i love to talk.

written: 7/22/23 @ 3:38 pm

[an3m1ctw1nk]

a "letter" to my poetry

dear, the little boy ryan once was.

you were the most perfect little girl. you had the best grades in class, and you had all the friends in the world. but, they always grow up too fast. she quickly became a stranger to you, a ghost of the past. you mourned her without a clue, and never dare say you missed her. i am so sorry i never gave you the time to heal. but we didn't have that time. you were too fragile my dear. corrupted, your time was stolen. that upset you little ryan, i fear. you were so afraid & you never knew. i cannot recall it whatsoever but, i see it in your words. kids are innocent and take much time to grow. children dream of bright blue skies filled with chirping birds. children are never supposed to know. just because you used to be an angel, does not you were becoming the devil. i am so sorry no one warned you growing be this painful. you truly are oh so very special. little ryan, i honestly cannot imagine telling you i mourn you now. i am grieving you. now i am giving us the time. because only this time, i know how easily i could've lost you. and i am so sorry you didn't care my love. yet..you had so much fucking passion. your words give me infinite hope, little ryan. looking through my darkest years of being, and for every page, i find filled with rage, when i flip the paper, one filled with hope came. with wondrous dreams about falling in love, with the whole world again. with myself for the first time. that was all i had, living in a place so dark. now my world became no longer so despised, yet my dreams have grown stark... aging makes you so capitalized. oh? my biggest dreams nowadays? i would like to pass college without shedding a tear, then have a decent paying career.

oh! how poetic of you ryan! i thought i was only full of misery, but i wrote the most beautiful dreams, about my hypothetical victory. you are no longer in such darkness, it's time to dream big again honey. thank you for fighting. thank you so much for leaving me these words. thank you from the bottom of my heart, little ryan.

almost beat the character limit>:( written: 6/13/23 @ 9:55 pm

[an3m1ctw1nk]

colors

black. black reminds me of him . as the room grows dim , my time quickly runs slim , through the twilight i must swim , oh Lord please , forgive me for my sin . blue. blue reminds me of them . i can't recall where i came from , as the ocean stung my wounds like rum , whilst i listen to my heart beat to the drum , through all the waves , i swum . red. red reminds me of her . the world i once could see began to blur , i feel as though i knew this would occur , but i cannot resist the colors' allure , will it all end soon? it will, i am sure . colors. now, we shall renovate balance through all of our malice.

written: c.03/15/18 & pretty heavily rewritten by me now! tried to spare all of the old lines & just add lines instead of omitting (admittedly, against my natural instincts but i wanted 2 keep the younger tone) :DD

[an3m1ctw1nk]

love

i see your voice like clouds . i hear your eyes like the ocean's shore . i feel your thoughts like warm arms embracing me . i taste your passion like a cold sweat . i smell your fear like a dagger through my heart . i sense our love eternally .

written: 03/18/18 @ 2:28 am

[an3m1ctw1nk]

nothing will matter nothing can be done nothing will help you when you are so young.

written circa: 03/15/18

[poemsonmars]

i don't know why i keep

trying to convince myself

it will hurt less this way,

as if anyone has ever

needed fewer stitches

because their eyes were closed

as the knife went in.

i don't think this denial

is helping me anymore

but i don't know how to

get it out of my body.

i just keep picking at the scab,

hoping the pain will save me

like it did when i was young.

i guess i never really learned

how to let a wound heal.

-mars

[an3m1ctw1nk]

depressed teen nursery rhyme

one by one , i no longer feel numb . two by two , sorry i always disappoint you . three by three , turn away i don't want you to see . four by four , so many tears begin to pour . five by five , counting down the days i'm alive . six by six , all my emotions begin to mix . it all became too much to count , so i will just lay with my drought .

written: 03/18/18 @ 1:57 am

[an3m1ctw1nk]

eyes

the light behind your eyes, is stranger than any sorrow. i can hear your battle cries, just promise me dear, i'll hear from you tomorrow.

written: 03/01/18

[an3m1ctw1nk]

broken love²

(og title: worthless)

you say i make you forget all your worries. "you know how happy you make me, right?" if that's true, why do you cry yourself to sleep every night? i would change that if i could, but i am worthless. and that is understood. you tell me you can be yourself with me. "i feel so free i could fly!" yet everyday, you wish to die. you call me the best, then say everyone who cared left. clearly my words don't mean much, it's obvious i am never enough. your life is precious, to you and i. but if what i say isn't going to change this, why even try? i wish nothing more than make you truly happy, and i would, but i am worthless. and that is understood.

written: 04/19/17

[an3m1ctw1nk]

ode to the dark

sends to sleep pulls in the weak origin of the unknown where outsiders are prone most don't see what i appreciate most will leave while i stay i see the depths of the night the devourer of light the spawn of fright sempiternal fear everything & nothing is near all my conflicts remain still all shall rest at will darkness allows people to get away as in the light, they cannot stay although tension may ponder stark , we will always cower in the dark .

written: 11/27/17

[an3m1ctw1nk]

vampires

teeth settle into your neck . . . . . . . . . drip . . . . . . . . . . . feel your life being drawn . . . . drop . . . . . ... ...now you will have to wait .... tik for the pain to slip away ,, . tok ..... and stay like me , .... drip . . .

for eternity .

.................. drop .

written: 01/04/19 @ 1:23 am

[an3m1ctw1nk]

[an3m1ctw1nk]

street lights

look ! the sun is finally setting , and the street lights are turning on . isn't it silly we call them lights , even when the lights are off ? they are only lampposts during the day . ugly lampposts during the day . ruins pictures during the day . no purpose to serve during the day . but when the sun starts to set , and it is finally dark , it's like nothing stays the same . finally , there is beauty .

written: 08/01/18 @ 9:39 pm

[an3m1ctw1nk]

tw (brief but blunt) sui ideation

im not fucking suicidal !!1!1!!1!!11!!!!!! i would just really really REALLY really like to blow my fucking brains out .

written: 12/15/18 @ 12:56 am

[an3m1ctw1nk]

strange ppl watching ramble :p

i see you over there. i notice you. you are young. young adult i should say. in a playground smiling and walking through the sand. why do i want to speak to you? do you want to speak to me? i feel like you are with your soulmate. you are with them, you are where you first met each other. you've known each other for so long, you were good friends. no, the best of friends.... you spent all your time together. childhood dares grow into adulthood regrets, but they had no clue. they were shy yet intimate, there was something there. that they both knew of, but didn't know what it was, yet nobody else saw it. they've always cared for each other, now everyone can see it in their eyes. they grew up frowned upon but now they finally smile where they were once hurting. they've made so many memories here, past and present. "i knew this would be nice." "yes. yes it really is." maybe something along those lines. but i know they are happy. i wish to be like you mister.... one day.

written: 7/30/18 @ 10:31 pm

[an3m1ctw1nk]

one day i would like to know , how someone with no knowledge on the art of sincerity can teach you how to do so.

written: 12/09/18 @ 11:28 pm

[an3m1ctw1nk]

blood

pry the nails off my fingers , until you cannot look any longer . cover my complexion with gore & horror , until your heartbeat grows stronger . i beg of you , slice my skull in two . until you cannot help but gaze into my soulless eyes . it shall never stop . i will never want it to . we shall pray for it to never end !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i will bleed.................................................................................. ...............................and......bleed........................................................ ...........from..............................................head............................................ to toe.

written: 12/22/18 @ 12:19 am