If any of these topics make you uncomfortable, for the sake of your mental health, don't read this chapter. If this chapter doesn't accurately represent depression and self-harm, feel free to educate me on how to improve.
Synopsis: Puzzles wakes up and WPNZ explains where they are. The situation becomes emotionally unsettling for him...
Here's a fic. Spoiler warning for the entirety of the TV series for I have Finished it.
Im-por-tant
TW: violence
Description: Yellow fights and shouts and hurts and is hurt as he wants to help and generally has a horrible time.
~ ~ ~
You hate him. You hate him so much.
It's his fault. It's his own fault. He yelled at you, being mean and horr- and bad when he's your friend.
The glass digs into the fabric of your hand, but you don't care. It's hard to, when trying to think about why you hurt your friend aches more than the cut.
You shriek as the other one smashes glass onto your head. Hurts. Hurts. Hurts more than thoughts and your hand and even worse-
Worse? Worse, like more, like better but bad. No thing worse nothing worse than a friend betr- har- hurting you-
(He's your friend but he hurt you. You're his friend but you hurt him. That's just how things are now and will always be because that world's funny like-)
Glass is in your side you scream angry because that hurt and hurt and it's not fair it's not- not- it-
It hurts to think. You can only really hand- do quick thoughts now. Short thoughts. Simple thoughts. Simpleton-
Who's fault is that?
Your fault. Always your fault. Dumb. Stupid. Slow. Soft in the-
No. No. Their fault. Their fault her fault his fault now, because- be-cause-
You crash to the ground, glass piercing your back. A weight on you, because of a body on you-
For a moment, contacts connect. Jostled just the right way, through the filth and grime. A bit of juice, jolting your mind, a needle in a haystack, fresh air in a gas chamber-
You hate him. You hate him so much because-
He's your friend but he put that awful, awful worm in your brain. The pillow-soft, safe happy place in your mind tainted and twisted, your friends gone and your brother dead, and for what? To keep being awful to you? To call you names and call you wrong-
He's your friend but he couldn't let you be happy. He gave your arm back but he took your retirement card and Claire and Janet away because he couldn't stand not being the center of attention and getting his beloved respect-
He's your friend and you love him, you loved him so much that you dug him back out and when you picked up that shovel and broke the head-plank of that coffin and saw him moving you were so happy. But he keeps throwing punches and drawing blood and he-
He likes you better, like this. A dummy in every sense of the word. A moron who can't think for himself, a simpleton who can't slight anyone's ego-
Don't move. Don't move, now. You have your head. Move out of the way. Be careful. Find batteries. Clean these ones. You have to, because for all the hate you have for him, and him too for being so spineless but not now, you love them. You love your friends. Just move slowly, before-
Red hair parts to reveal a roaring maw. He's so loud now. He shouts so much and you hate that you hate-
A toothy bill digs into your leg and you scream you-
You-
You
You hate him. You hate them. You were busy you had- there was-
Important. Im-por-tant. Something important, with you, and that never happens, because you're dumb and stupid. They made you lose it. The thing. The imp- the- the thing, with you, the special thing-
You won't share with them. The special thing, when you have it. They don't get it. They won't get it. No special for them.
Im-por-tant. They're yelling. They're hurting. You hurt too. You're shouting too. Grown-ups are loud when they say important things. Here. Right now, hurting each other. Being loud. This is important.
There's a sharp thing in your hand, and in the rest of you. They have sharp things too. They're hurt too. This is important, hitting each other. Screaming.
You hit and scream and hit and scream. This is important. This is right. You hate him, and him. This feels right because you hate them.
Look I get that OP of that twitter thread is autistic and meant well but seriously it’s been 18 months of being expendable “high riskers”, having hospitals prioritize resources based on “quality of life” and watching all those accessibility options we begged for and were told were impossible suddenly materialize but with the understanding that soon “everything goes back to normal”. Any minority knows words and phrases have nothing on institutional power, words only carry strength if they still have the weight of all sorts of systems to back up insult with injury. I can switch on my TV and watch people say the n word without ever saying the n word, show the graphic assault of a black person and uncritically repeat police statements. Same goes for every disabled person watching an anti masker or anti lockdown person argue their case while the care-home death stats scroll on screen like we don’t know what they mean when they talk about “acceptable risk” or use outright eugenics or nazi language. I mean I’ve seen left wing news sources use politically correct language to victim blame people of colour and the poor for being in worse health + be fatphobic + imply race, class and intellect are linked for not trusting the medical establishment to act in their best interest + gaslight that previous point because it’s not distrust but lack of access that’s driving low vaccination and testing rates... they call us degenerate fat worthless lazy fucks all in the same nice politely worded breath and make policy accordingly. so words? words are the least of it.
nothing like getting triggered by your professor making an extremely ableist comment in an email even though it wasn’t to you but it just completely takes you out and there’s nothing you can do about it :’)
What do you mean 'footage not found". You're saying this when the guy goes insane over such bullshit that makes no sense (like blaming a 13 years old kid for Duscur wut??) I swear, the Dimitri stans are so laughable and pathetic with their constant romanticization of his mental illness and ignore the bigger issues. Assuming that Azure Moon get a post-game story (which happens after unifying Fodlan), if he fucking relapse then it's the entire world who is in trouble. So yes he deserves to dies.
Me opening my inbox to this:
I don’t think anyone has to guess why you sent this message on anon, you massive coward.
Let’s see, should I even touch this? In the interest of people actually looking for an elaboration from me on this topic (so not you), I will point out that Dimitri never “goes insane” over anything in CF, the route I am talking about in the post that prompted this. There is nothing in his actions that isn’t 100% reasonable given the information he is given. He is literally just a guy defending his country and deciding that between the pope and the girl who’s been working with TWSITD as the Flame Emperor (which includes a hand in things like human experimentation and Jeralt’s murder) and enacted a coup in her country to gain an army with which to attack the church on unsubstantiated claims, he’d rather side with the church.
Your “arguments”, shitty as they are, don’t even apply to this guy.
Now, your wonderful claim about post-AM is not only entirely baseless, but fucking dangerous.
Baseless, because even at his darkest, Dimitri never attacks his allies. Byleth actively interferes with his killing that imperial onii-chan and his response is “Fall in line or kill me!”. People threaten not to follow him on his suicidal rush towards Enbarr and his response is “Fine, I’ll do it myself. :(” His violence is never random, but very much targeted at people he considers deserving. Targets include imperial soldiers invading his country and harassing his people, bandits, and his top-priority of Edelgard. Now, of course Edelgard couldn’t possibly be the main perpetrator of Duscur at 13, but working as an informant is very much something she could have been capable of. Couple this with her actions as Flame Emperor and you can see why Dimitri might jump to conclusions during a highly suspect situation.
You might also remember, if you played it, how Blue Lions part II is entirely about people making Dimitri realize that he is on the wrong track, not with opposing Edelgard, but in how he does it. The eventual turn about is decidedly not about Dimitri being absolved of guilt because he went off the deep end. Dimitri readily admits his responsibility for his own actions and strives to atone for them as best he can. That is not how you set up someone who is “incurably insane” and incapable of reflecting his actions in order to prevent repeating them in the future.
Now for the dangerous part: I know you won’t believe this, but I am not actually in favour of Dimitri’s excessive violence. My point isn’t that it’s good and justified, but that it is not random. How do you “go back” to being a danger to everyone when you have never been that in the first place? Therefore your argument that he is sure to become a danger to “the entire world” on a whim rests on what? That he is craaaaaazy. And you can’t reason with craaaaaazy people, right?
Your point is essentially: “Some people are too crazy to let live.” It is so clear that you have no idea what you are talking about in regards to Dimitri and the only thing you can bring to the table is how he is “cray cray” so anything goes for him apparently.
I guess it’s not surprising you’d consider not advocating for the death of a mentally ill person for crimes that they either haven’t even come close to commiting in that timeline, or totally baseless assumptions on them relapsing in random ways, as romanticising. “You don’t understand! They might be a danger someday, so it’s best to murder these crazy people now!” Horrifying ableism seems to be your bread and butter I see.
I haven’t said this to anyone over fandom discourse before, but you disgust me. Don’t even bother sending another ask, I am just going to block you.
A friend of mine on here has expressed a fear of being a bad person due to being unable to vote. I don’t know where the idea came from but it occurred to me that they may not be the only one out there with these feelings. There is some intense peer pressure out there and it can disregard those, like them, or like my own father even, who are mentally, physically, or emotionally unable to vote for whatever reason!
I know the issues out there are important, very much so, but, if you cannot vote, it is fine to not vote!
It’s okay if you have anxiety over decisions, temporary or permanent physical handicaps, learning difficulties/a lack of education, a job that you’re worried will fire you if you take time to go to the polls or that you’re so exhausted from that you can’t put pen to paper or even think about what to mark on your ballot, a lack of resources, are in a bad living and/or familial/marital situation, whatever.
I don’t know how difficult it is to get access to resources that would help someone with problems to vote but, considering how some people treat others around here, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that those resources are not going to be easy for a number of you to gain. That will never be your fault, okay? Please realize that and just take care of yourselves. I love you all! (platonic)
//Once again, my job is breaking the law and refusing to comply with my accommodations under the ADA. I have sent formal letters requesting accommodation and briefly talked about it with the then-head of HR, but she retired shortly thereafter and her replacement is not returning my calls. As it stands, my boss is threatening me with termination because I cannot comply with the (technically illegal) standards she has set me. I have just enough knowledge of the ADA to know that this is illegal, but I need to do more reading up on labor law if I want to keep my job.
Harry is a positive influence on me TBH. I feel better able to stand up to people in a way that’s polite but firm when I think about how he would handle a situation. My ideal is that the company would provide compulsory neurodiversity training for all its employees, especially its managers, and the part of my brain that thinks like Harry thinks if I work hard enough, I can do this. I can save the world in my own little way. The rest of my brain is just feeling ridiculously hopeless. I can’t even get my own accommodations met, much less help anyone else. Heck, as it is, my neurotypical co-workers are working under illegal conditions too, at least one of them having to work off the clock almost as much as I do to get things done. THIS IS ILLEGAL. We all know it’s illegal, but we all feel powerless to do anything. I mean, we all need jobs!
It’s not just my manager who’s being unreasonable. She’s doing the best she can when her own manager and her manager’s manager and so on all have unrealistic expectations. Heck, the head of HR probably quit because she couldn’t get shit done to help the employees.
I want to believe that I can make things better, if only for myself, but I’m just trying not to get fired right now, and at this point, they’re looking for excuses. I just want to be able to employ some of Harry’s nonchalant badassery, but I know that at my age, he probably wasn’t there yet either (at least the way I write him.) I just...I don’t know. I needed to vent and I don’t have a personal blog. Thank you to everyone who actually read all this.
TL;DR I’m stressed out and that might affect my writing (or lack thereof.)
