Cosmere Secret Santa
I do this list every Christmas (previous: 2023, 2024). I use a randomizer to choose characters and adhere to it faithfully--except to remove characters who appeared in previous years and to avoid any repeats within a single list. So let's see what presents Cosmere characters would choose were they assigned to give a gift to a random other character!
1. Evi gives Veil...socks
Evi: I wasn't 100% sure what to give my son's wife's alter.. Evi: But then I thought--homemade gifts are always appreciated! Evi: So I made you socks! Evi: They're Kholin blue, since you're family. Evi: And they're nice and warm, since I hear you spend a lot of time out and about during the night. Evi: D-Do you like them? Veil: [trying not to cry] T-They're all right...
2. Veil gives Zellion...a flask
Zellion: ... Veil: I hear you're always running. Veil: With a flask, you'll always know that a hit of the good stuff is but a turn of the cap away. Zellion: [unscrewing the flask, sniffing] Zellion: Is this Horneater White?! Veil: You're welcome.
3. Zellion gives Lightsong...a leaf
Zellion: Look, I know it's not much, but I can't exactly stop at a Target, you know? Zellion: I saw that leaf as I was fleeing for my life, the Night Brigade right on my heels. Zellion: So there you go. Leaf. Lightsong: Quite a pleasing red, really. Zellion: ...Am I secretly good at everything?
4. Lightsong gives Dusk...a silk pillowcase
Dusk: ... Dusk: But why Lightsong: Well, you sleep outside a lot, right? Lightsong: At least with this super soft & silky pillowcase, you'll feel a modicum of comfort! Dusk: ...I guess I could use it to line one of my birds' nests? Lightsong: ... Lightsong: Or you could do that, I guess.
5. Dusk gives Dilaf...a bottle of cologne
Dusk: I sought guidance from Vatthi. Dusk: She said that when buying a gift for a man about whom you knew nothing, you should go with whiskey, cologne, or a necktie. Dusk: Neckties would get you killed on Patji. Dusk: So would inebriation. Dusk: So for that matter would smelling weird. Dusk: ...But there is a small chance it might confuse predators and give you a chance to survive for seconds longer. Dusk: In conclusion, don't visit. Dilaf: What part of this interaction makes you think I'd WANT to?!
6. Dilaf gives Tindwyl...a lecture
Dilaf [30 minutes later]: AND that is why the only TRUE gift that any MORTAL should expect is SWEARING YOUR FEALTY to SHU-DERETH. Tindwyl: [taking notes] Charisma is highly effective on crowds, but its effect is dampened in a one-on-one interaction. I would give you a C-. Dilaf: YOU CAN'T GRADE A CHRISTMAS GIFT Tindwyl: I think you'll find that I can.
7. Tindwyl gives Starling...Tress of the Emerald Sea
Tindwyl: It is a biography of a captain whom you might find inspirational. Star: [staring at the book] Star: I can't help feel like we're breaking some sort of fundamental rule of the universe here.
8. Starling gives Ranette...a bench
Starling: I like to solve people's problems! Ranette: Pretty sure I don't have any problems. Starling: Other than grief, right? Ranette: ... Starling: S-So anyway, I got a dedicatory park bench put up in your name in honor of your deceased friend! Ranette: ...This is Secret Santa. Wasn't that a bit...expensive? Starling: Well, you know... Some stereotypes about dragons are true!
9. Ranette gives Moash...a gun
Ranette: Don't know you. Ranette: But I think a gun is always a good gift. Moash: [eyes shining] So...I can kill people from pretty far away with this, right? Ranette: No red flags.
10. Moash gives Jasnah...lead-fueled death (attempted)
Moash: IT'S BETTER TO GIVE THAN TO RECEIVE, BITCH Jasnah: [easily deflecting bullets using her spren armor] Jasnah: Who gave Moash a gun?
11. Jasnah gives Iyatil...her phone number
Iyatil: Uh... Jasnah: Give that to Thaidakar. Tell him we need to talk. Iyatil: ...Why am I both relieved and disappointed? Iyatil: Wait, in what world is this a present?? Jasnah: I can't say I respect you.
12. Iyatil gives Evi...a vial of poison
Iyatil: I take all missions seriously. Iyatil: I have been following you around for weeks. Evi: You...have? Iyatil: And naturally, I got you this vial of poison. Tasteless. Odorless. Very discrete. Much loved by wives who wish to be widows, if you get my drift. Evi: ... Evi: I don't want to kill my husband, though. Iyatil: You DON'T??
