A/N:
Ok so that’s my first fan fiction. Done. It’s not amazing and it totally ran away from me a bit there. But everyone’s gotta start somewhere, right?
Warnings: Angst, arguments, a lil’ bit of self-depreciation, some bad language from both our swearwolf and the OC
You were worried. The full moon was last night, but it was fast approaching curfew and Remus still wasn't back. He’d not had to stay so long in the hospital wing since fifth year, which made you worry enough, but when you went to visit him there, you were told in no uncertain terms by Madame Pomfrey that he wasn’t there. Having searched the Library, the Great Hall, his dormitory and the Gryffindor common room throughout the day, you were lost and beginning to panic.
Even his fellow Marauders (you cursed inwardly that even you’d begun to call them by their self-appointed title) had been of little help. Approaching James in your potions class under the pretence of borrowing some ingredients, he’d given you a dismissive reply.
“He’s fine, don’t worry” He muttered before turning back to Sirius, eager to continue planning a Halloween party to rival all their previous years. It was your seventh and final year, after all. The last you would spend in the (relative) safety of Hogwarts, before going out into a tense and wary world, with war brewing on the horizon.
So now here you were, rushing back to the common room just in time to beat curfew and avoid detention, despite being seventeen, you were not a prefect and therefore not allowed out, despite the wizarding world now recognising you as an adult. You’d finished a brief sweep of all the favourite hideouts of Remus’s, checking to make sure you’d not missed him before. No luck. Defeated now, you entered through the portrait hole and into the common room.
Spotting the three amigos near the fire, you made a bee line for them. Sirius was lounging along a burgundy sofa running his fingers through his long black hair, James on the armchair across him playing with a snitch, with Peter on the floor writing an essay.
“Blackthorn, why don’t you come…” Sirius stopped as he registered the worry and barely hidden panic on your face. “What’s wrong with you?”
“I can’t find Remus anywhere. I know you said not to worry, James, but it’s like he’s disappeared. Have you seen him?”
“We’ve not seen him in a while actually” Peter said, laughing. You frowned.
“What, and you’re not at all worried. You know how hard this can be on him and you’ve not even thought to go looking for him?!”
Sirius sighed, got hold of one of his Doc Martens, unlaced them and proceeded to throw the boot across the room at a large pile of blankets abandoned in the corner. The pile groaned.
You looked back at Sirius, then to the pile once more before realisation sunk in. You headed over the room and saw Remus’s green eyes poke through a gap in the layers.
You chuckled “Have enough blankets there?”
Another groan as the response.
You thought for a moment, raised your eyebrows and offered “Chocolate?”
The pile shook in what you assumed was an affirmative and soon Remus’s whole head had appeared. You giggled at his wayward hair and sleepy eyes, received to find him in one piece.After nibbling a few bits of Honeyduke’s finest, Remus settled back down into his blankets and fell promptly back to sleep. You headed across the common room to the dormitory, but before you could make it, you heard someone call you.
“Blackthorn, come here a second will you?” James Potter waved to get your attention. The look on the other two boys’ faces told you all you needed to know.
“How can I help you, boys?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.
“The party on Saturday… Well, you’re quite good at Charms, we wondered if we could charm a pumpkin into a record player, spooky Halloween fun but also great music sort of thing?”
You thought for a moment, Sirius moving his feet to allow you to sit down.
“Probably not, but you may be able to charm a pumpkin to sing. I’m sure you’d be able to get it singing certain things, though that might take a bit of work.”
“Of course! You’re brilliant! Get the pumpkin to sing!” James and Peter hurriedly started scribbling ideas and muttering to one another. Sirius nudged your arm.
“So, when are things between you and Moony going to actually, you know, happen?”
“Sirius, we’ve had this conversation before” You rolled your eyes.
“I know, I know, and I know you said things have to happen when he’s ready but honestly, do you think he ever will be? You’ve been dancing around each other for seven years, for Godric’s sake”
“Maybe, but you don’t get to decide when it happens, Sirius. Nor any of you. It’s up to Remus. It’s his issue. I’m better of being friends with him and not pushing it than ruining our friendship and losing him forever.”
“But what is his actual issue? I mean, you’re funny, attractive in a bookish sort of way,” You gave him a gentle thump on the arm “And you two have been friends for years, you know all about his furry little problem and still love him to bits. So why is it so difficult for him?”
“Sirius, I imagine Remus has lost a lot of people in the past. Now, i think it’s his nature to push them away first. Out of fear, or worry or just to protect them. Or him. It’s gong to take a lot for him to let someone in in that way.” You paused, Sirius looked at you, noticing the glint in your eye. “Alas,” you said, dramatically “I fell for the wrong Marauder!”
“Didn’t you just, I would definitely taken my chance with you by now” Sirius grinned.
“I bet, and I would’ve had my heart broken in one fell swoop and moved on to my next mistake by now.”
You both sighed, playing along. Suddenly Sirius turned and looked directly at you, steely grey eyes focused on your own.
“If someone could help you out though, give him a little push…”
“No, really, because I would happily…”
“Sirius Orion Black, if you dare do anything to affect our friendship, I will personally shave your entire head.” You said threateningly. When he seemed less than convinced, you added “The Muggle way!” To which his eyes widened in shock.
“You wouldn't dare, Blackthorn.”
You raised an eyebrow, relaxing back into the sofa, one arm thrown across the armrest in an attempt to seem casual and at the same time, menacing. “Wanna bet?”
Sirius laughed. “You really are terrible at that. But ok, I promise. I won’t do anything…meddlesome” He held his hand out. You took it and shook.
The next night was the Halloween party in the common room. October 31st wasn’t until the Monday, but if experience was anything go by, it was best to not have a full day’s NEWT level classes the day after, so it was planed for the Saturday. The boys had gone all out, enchanted bats circling the ceiling, muggle style witches hats on nearly every head and the previously mentioned singing pumpkin. They’d even gone as far as to enchant the punch bowls. One was ‘spiked’ and the other plain. If anyone below 5th year tried to take a drink from the ‘spiked’, the bowl in the shape of Frankenstein’s monster's head would scream. It was all fairly impressive. You smiled as the pumpkin head started a stirling rendition of Patti Smtih’s Because the Night. You felt Sirius stand next to you.
“You know, I can practically feel your smugness. It’s radiating from you like an aura. That’s what it is. A smug aura. Smugora.” You laughed. Maybe that punch was stronger than you’d originally thought.
“I think I deserve my…smugora this time.”
You nodded, relenting “How on earth did you get the backing music as well?”
He grinned, touching his nose “Magic.”
You both threw your head back laughing and touched your glasses in a Cheers motion.
Suddenly the room was thrown into darkness. Someone screamed. The pumpkin had stopped singing. From the direction of the portrait hole, a strange purple glow was emanating. Muttering swept the room in a wave, followed by a nervous hush. Then, from the glow, James Potter emerged. Dressed as a mummy, wrapped in tissues and bandages, the only way you realised it was him was the glasses and stray few locks of wayward hair poking through the layers. The pumpkin started up again, this time with the steady beat of Queen’s ‘We will rock you’. A ripple of relief made it’s way through the crowd, followed by confusion from the purebloods among them. The lights flickered back on and the festivities resumed. You wandered the common room, chatting and drinking with your fellow Gryffindors. You danced around James as he made a spectacle of himself, but tripped on one of his rogue bandages and stumbled, clumsily into Remus.
“Oh, for goodness sake, I…Oh. Hello.” You said, quickly righting yourself.
“Sylv, hey. Peter told me you were looking for me.” Remus said, smiling. “Said you had something to talk about?”
You frowned. “Erm, no, but now I am wondering where your costume is” eyeing his usual soft jumper, with worn patches at the elbow.
“Well, I, um,” He sighed. “I told everyone I had forgotten to sort my costume with all the plans for the party, there were some tough charms you know” he trailed off.
“But really, I kind of thought I didn't need one, seeing as I already am a monster.” He couldn’t meet your eyes.
You straightened your shoulders, fixed your jaw and stared at him, a red heat burning.
“Sylv, I know that look, don’t…”
“Don’t what Remus? Don’t react to your insane self-hatred? Don’t care that you still, still, wallow in self-loathing, convinced that no-one could ever care about you? What about your friend? James? Sirius? Peter? What about me, Remus? I don't understand how you can be so permanently obtuse when people love you, so obviously. They love you! For Godric's sake!”
The room had quietened. All eyes appeared to be on the two of you, the Marauders included. Sirius looked sheepish, but the other two were positively giddy.
“Yeah, we love you Remus!” James burst out. You glared at him, he responded with a grin.
“Sylv,” Remus’s hushed voice reached you through your anger “Please, can we talk somewhere else?” He didn’t wait for a response, just grabbed your hand and ran you up to the boys’ dorm. You momentarily thought about shaking him off, but decided to follow. This was a conversation that needed to be had, preferably away from prying or meddlesome eyes.
Remus swung you around, taking both hands in his own and looked into your eyes.
“Sylv, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to make you angry, I just…”
“Didn’t think I cared enough? Well you were wrong, Remus. Because I do care. Apparently too bloody much. But if you think that I will ever, ever stop caring about you, you are more of a fool than Sirius pretends to be.”
Remus couldn't help but laugh “How do you manage to sneak an insult to him while you’re angry at me?”
“It’s a talent. Now. Explain.”
“What is there to explain, Sylv? I know you don’t see it, but I am a monster.”
“Right, no, stop. Stop right there. You, Remus John Lupin are not a monster. You are a funny, intelligent, kind individual and also a massive idiot. You have pushed so many people away. I don’t know why you let the guys in before, nor me, but I do know you still have so many barriers up. You won;t let us in, no matter how much we try. And I don’t know if i can continue watching you do that.” Somehow, there were tears in your eyes, You blinked them away, annoyed.
“Sylv, I’m sorry.” Remus placed his hands on your shoulders. “I never thought about it like that. I’ve spent so long hiding I never thought about what that felt like to you. All of you. I know you care, I do, and sometimes I find it hard to understand why, but then you shout at me in front of the whole of Gryffindor and then start crying and pretending you’re not and I realise that maybe, maybe I don't have to understand it. Maybe it’s just how it is. And maybe I am an idiot for not realising that before.”
You heard cheers coming from behind the closed door.
“Now kiss her you idiot!”
You blushed. “Black, say goodbye to your luscious locks!”
“Technically it wasn’t me. I didn't meddle, Peter did. I just didn’t stop it!”
The room started to spin and you realised with a start just how much punch you’d helped yourself to. You collapsed onto the nearest bed and focused on the ceiling, trying to stop the room spinning.
“Sylv?” Remus approached shyly, confused by this sudden change in demeanour.
“It’s ok Moony, too much drink. I might just stay here for a wee bit and then go bed. You go on, enjoy the party.”
“I’ll get you some water, love”
“Ok” And you felt your eyes closing.
You woke to loud noises. Thudding sounds.
“Don’t you people respect Sundays, the sacred day of hangovers?” You mumbled sleepily, turning over in your duvet.
“Not in this dorm, we don’t get hangovers” A voice replied. A male voice. The voice of Sirius Black.
You sat up, instantly regretting the motion. Looking around, it was clear you were in the boy’s room, and as you wondered why, memories of the night before flooded back.
“Sounds about right Blackthorn.”
“Quiet please, people are sleeping”
“The only one still sleeping is you. I had to kip on the couch last night.” You must be in Sirius’s bed.
“A true example of chivalry, right here, ladies and gentlemen” James teased.
The door opened, much quieter than it had previously. You turned your head slowly to see Remus entering with a pile of blankets, floating two mugs of tea behind him. He stopped as he saw you were awake, feigning horror.
“Urgh, barely” you replied, groaning.
“We’ll see you later, Sleeping Beauty” Sirius called as he walked out the door, followed by James and Peter.
“Wait, it’s a Sunday, where are you going?”
“The less you know, the more ignorance you can plead later” James positively beamed at you.
And with that, they were gone. Remus moved over to the bed you’d commandeered and dumped the blankets over you before passing a cup of tea to your ear hands. You groaned in relief as you took the first sip . The first taste of tea after a heavy night had always been one of your favourite things.
“Thank you” You said to Remus and gestured for him to come join you in your pile.
He shuffled in beside you and held you in his arms. IT was funny. Though there had been no dramatic declaration of feelings, no magical first kiss, though really nothing had changed, somehow, it all had. After a moment of comfortable silence, he chuckled.
Ok so that’s my first fan fiction. Done. It’s not amazing and it totally ran away from me a bit there. But everyone’s gotta start somewhere, right?
