i dont know how to properly express the fact that i want to be the thin girl the pretty girl but itll never happen
i truly want to weigh 100 pounds. i know its unhealthy. i dont give a damn. i wish these pills were stronger so i could go days without eating. if i die so what
i want to starve i want to be thin i want to see my bones i wish i had the willpower to not eat
im trying i really am i didnt do it today i need to think of ways to keep myself away from food
i know ive gained weight this week and it honestly makes me suicidal
like i wasted a whole week a whole week when i could have been not eating i chose to eat and now im paying for it and i havent even lost anything
there is literally a doctor helping me adn theres so much pressure becasuse my mom and dad are doing it with me so if i fall behind its ebcause im gross and im disgusting and fat and im the one failing at the diet
i had a panic attack when we started this thing adn to date its the most embarassing thing ive ever done seriously i cant even handle the idea of a diet im that fucking weak i dont deserve to eat
i dont care how much it hurts
i say that now but honestly im just being dramatic because i know tomorrow the second i feel hungry ill just be crawling back to the fridge eating again
and even worse they put me on a low carb diet so im constantly eating greasy nasty disgusting foods that i know wont aid me any
i want small legs i want girls to be jealous of my figure i want to turn heads i want a thigh gap i want tiny wrists i want a flat stomach but instead im the butt of jokes
im the “oh not fat like you i mean like 300 fuckin pounds like a real poker a fucking obese morbidly so” well jokes on me im 320 lbs im literally the thing that people warn against the “no girl wants to end up like her”
ugh im just a fucking statistic and i w a n t t o d i e