#uggghhhhhhhhhhh

[minusboy]

i would actually rather chew off my own finger than write anything ever again however if i go more than 3 days without writing i start barking like a dog

[tofusand]

i wanted to be strong but i can no longer fight these cramps, i am not gwaenchana

[fleurdelucienne]

No big deal, just spending all my spare brain power mulling over Erik. Because I loooove the topical parallels between Erik and Henry as much as the next person, but the difference in their respective amounts of agency feels like SUCH a crucial divide.

I mean, all things considered, Henry has an extraordinary amount of agency for someone of his social standing. Surviving Skalitz in the way he did allowed him to form connections with a circle of individuals who not only found his tenacity useful, but who saw goodness, integrity, and potential in him. And while I think it's hilarious to dog on Radzig's parenting skills, it feels like the risks he allows Henry to take facilitated a crucial exploration of his identity and place in the world.

To me, Erik ultimately feels doomed by Istvan's possessiveness. I do see and feel the love and care between them, but Erik's agency is severely limited by the nature of their toxic dynamic. And even though Istvan tells Erik "…you still have to learn to fight for your place in the sun," I don't believe he's actually taught him how to do such a thing. So following Istvan’s death, the agency Erik exercises from that point forward is still chained to Istvan's ghost. And because of the toxic codependency and deeply cynical worldview passed onto him from Istvan, I don’t feel that he was ever set up to exercise this newfound agency in a healthy, reasonable way. I think that's why it feels soooooo painful when Henry tells him "you're nothing more than a dead mercenary's lover." Because Erik was never empowered to establish a meaningful identity for himself beyond that.

[hagbrigade]

hooray i have to call my credit cards fraud center. Bc someone is buying weed gummies from Instagram and car parts using my card. Yayyy

[paper-starz]

Don’t mind me im crying like a baby

[alicegirls]

im just gonna start eating rocks and hope i survive

[fallenrain40]

bro. I try to look up "coyote playbowing", and then "coyote play bow" and it ofc just has to show me "best bows for hunting coyotes xxxzghgdcfhvgjbhknjkm" i want to bite somebody.

[peachdoxie]

WHY did the smoke detector low battery indicator just beep when I replaced the batteries two days ago???