A/n - I'mma do a few fics like this one so lmk what dilfs y'all wanna see
tw - age gap
He knew you needed someone, it was obvious. He noticed how you'd curl up with his shirts when he left. He wondered why you’d want an older guy but then again the way the word daddy rolled off your lips so casually asking him to hurry and cuddle makes it clear. He puts his cig out walking back to you holding you close. You didn't need to tell him anything, he just knew. He sometimes wonders if leaving you would be better but then he sees the look on your face when you space out while with him and he knows that option is no better. He loved you for more then your body but he knows who you pretended he is, even if you don't. But seeing you look calm and content with life for a moment makes his heart feel full... he’ll hold you as long as you need even if he landed up being up with you late hours of the night to help prevent your nightmares.
You'd never smoke... you promised. But if it wasn't for broken promises, you probably wouldn't be laying in bed with him right now. He was older then you but not that much older. Was it love? Or just quick comfort for the both of you? Would he leave when he found a girl closer to his age? Who knew. What mattered right now was how the moonlight danced off his bleached hair as he stood near the window lighting a cigarette. You used to hate the smell but now you find comfort in it. You only smoked when stressed, never causally. Ukai told you that you were to pretty for it, and to just come to him when things got hard. He provided comfort whenever you needed him. The soft smile that you notice forms on his face when you ask him to cuddle.
“I love you Ukai” you blurt out not thinking about it, then getting quickly flustered once you realize what you just said.
“I love you too baby girl, now try to sleep.” You relax against him... that was just the answer you needed to hear.
As you fall asleep in his arms tonight they both know one thing - that whatever this little thing that they have going on - it's good for the both of them.
A/N: hEMLOI moi babies, I got an amazing response on DaichixFemReader, I’m so glad so I kinddddd of decided to spice it up for Ukai. I, in no way support toxic relationships. And I wrote it extra long so y’all can feel extra ;)) i haven't proof read this bc its 4 am and im max tired, so i apologise in advance. ALSO DARK ACADEMIA PERSONNA IS JUST SO 😩
Warnings: SMUT, ANGST, toxic relationships, crying, trauma, smoking, alcohol, slight fluff (interact only if you’re 18+), breeding kink
It was like every other afternoon, you by the balcony watching the rain fall on the lane below. Single men with their cigarettes in hands, couples with their arms intertwined under the same umbrella, the cigarette shop where a group of high school boys hung around. The balcony had always been your safe space. It was one of the ways you’d met Keinshin Ukai.
You two had accidentally made an eye contact. You, on your balcony and him, near the shop. He’d adored you the second he’d laid his eyes on you; draped in a white lace tunic and grey shorts which reached your knees. The darkest shade of lipstick which you wore with your hair down, made you look as if you were an angel which arrived right in front of him.
Since then, he’d be there promptly at 7 pm and you at the balcony having many unspoken conversations between the two of you.
You’d run out of cigarettes one morning while you were on your way to your publishing house.You’d always been an avid reader with bottomless thirst for content. It was a good day, you had a meeting with the board head. After putting on a jacket on your mauve camisole, you’d run across the cigarette shop to find your favourites. Had it not been that morning, your numbers would never have been exchanged and future dates wouldn’t have been made for the same evening.
-----flashback-----
The room was heavy with the smell of cigarettes and weed as you popped another bottle of wine.
“I did not take you to be a reader,” Ukai said, taking a puff and keenly maintaining eye contact.
“And I sir, did not take you for a shopkeeper AND a coach” you said, smirking and pouring in his empty glass.
“Well, I do love those boys plus that teacher is very...persuasive?,” he said with a slight cringe and looking u0p. “Don’t get me wrong, he’s very amazing and managed to land us a match with a lot of great teams but he’s very weird, but a good kinda weird you know?”.
Nah you didn’t know. You were too busy admiring him. Of course you were a little young for him but he was too attractive for his age. The blonde with his brown sideburns and three piercings. He looked so sinful.
It dawned on him how you’d been staring at him. And he’d sensed the high tension in the room that was enough to devour the two of you. And that’s when he leaned in slightly, holding the side of your face in your hand. “I know you’ve been wanting me sweetheart. I do too,” he said brushing his lips with yours. “And I think I may fall in love with you this way. The way you’re in my hands right now makes me feel like I'm on an ecstasy high.”
Your lips met and kissed you like it was the last time he was gonna kiss you. Like you were Persephone in the arms of Hades and you were gonna fly away.
You somehow knew. You knew this was it. You were gonna fall so hard for this man. This high felt like you’d finally reached what you wanted and you realised it was gonna hurt you if he ever left.
-----Present-----
“BUT I’M TIRED OF NOT SEEING YOU FOR SO MANY DAYS, JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE GOING WITH THE KIDS DOESN’T MEAN YOU DON’T SEE ME!
AM THEY MORE IMPORTANT THAN I AM?” a sludge of tears and mascara flowing down your face with your bra strap sliding off your arm. It had been too frustrating for you. You’d been missing him to the point you’d wear his remaining scent. You’d stayed up nights wishing you’d hear the door unlock. It was too painful for you.And he refused to understand that.
“You’re fucking overreacting. I’m leaving. I’ll come home after a few days.” he said extinguishing his cigarette on the ivory ashtray you got for his 29th birthday and picking his gym bag up.
“I HOPE YOU NEVER FUCKING COME BACK-” you shouted as he headed for the door. “I think…….. this is it. We’re done.” You said slipping on the floor in a puddle of sobs. This was toxic. You had to leave him. But it was so heavy for you. You could never do that. He was your soulmate after all.
You hear the door shut.
Your fragile heart splits into pieces. Is that it? This is how we end? Your thoughts kept running as fast as a marathon, too fast for you to process.
“It’s fine. I don’t need him anyway. You say turning the lights off of the bathroom and slipping in the empty bathtub and shutting your eyes and being enveloped by sleep.
.
.
.
You felt a hand pat on your head and a bright light in front of you. “Hey sweetheart…”
It didn’t even take a second for you to go on defensive mode and whack his hand off you.
“I miss you. I know what I do is wrong. I know I don’t give you time. I know how much this means to you. I’m sorry. Just a little more, okay? Then I’ll be all yours and I’ll be proud to call the boys ours. I love you, Y/N. I can’t imagine my life witho-”
That’s all it takes for him everytime. Just opening his stupid mouth and you’re off to sprint to his arms. Fucking moron.
“I still hate you” you said between the kisses and pulling his hoodie off. You wanted him. That’s all you cared about. You wanted to hurt him but no matter what, you couldn’t. “I hate that you make me feel this way. But I love you more and this is your last chance. Make me happy or I leave.”
He whooped you up in his arms and carried you to the bed “And why would I let you leave? You’re mine.” He said keeping you and hovering on top of you with his biceps bulging. Amd slowly kissing your face, jaw and neck
“You’re the greatest thing that has happened to me, I’ll never let you go Y/N” Ukai said as his lips were dangerously close to your cleavage.
He spent a good 30 minutes between your thighs like a lapdog. Licking up any blessing you had to offer. His eye contact never breaking, his fingers working their ways through your pussy, his tongue overstimulating your clit. “I know you like this, my love. It’s been twice in 35 minutes I think my dick needs a little bit of it too.” He said getting up and unbuckling himself. Your eyes now watery with the overstimulation and throat dried up.
“I want a baby….I want a reason for you to come home to if not me.” You said rasply.
‘What do you mean, sweets? Can you elaborate on the making baby part?”
“I want you to come inside me. Tonight.”
He grabbed your thighs mercilessly and shoved himself inside. “Whatever she wants, she gets. I’m gonna fuck you until you’re dripping and then make sure that the mini us knows how much I love you and you’re worth coming home to both of you.” he whispered in your ear.
He gave you a few seconds to adjust to him inside you. “M-mmmoveEE PLEASE” you whined against his shoulder. Without losing a single second, you felt your body split. You knew he’d been abstaining from sex. But this feeling was so overwhelming to both of you.
The air was filled with moans, squelches and the mix of smell of cigarettes and lavender. You felt him speed up. Missionary had always been a weak spot for Keishin. Your mouth drooling over your cheeks, your eyes half shut, your body limping and the way your boobs bounced under you. it has always been a turn on for him.
You felt him speed up. His name falling out of your mouth as you were blinded by the speed he was going at. “I….I’M COMING BABE” you grind your thighs through as his walls white wash you inside.
He climbed off of you to adore your cunt stuffed with his cream, dripping on the white sheet with a light brown floral pattern.
“I love you, Y/N. Don’t ever think I don’t wanna come home and not see you. You’re the only thing I have.”
Warning: Ukai angst, mention of cheating, mention of break-up, mention of alcohol
Note: You don’t have to read the first part to understand/read the second part
Summary part 1: Ukai and you had a secret relationship when you were his student, but after your graduation, you were officially a couple for years until Ukai had cheated on you with the new gym teacher.
It’s been five years since he didn’t see you. Five years in which a lot has happened.
The affair didn’t get around the school, but enough people knew about it. Your friends, who used to be his too back then. His family, who used to be yours, still is.
He hates himself for pressing his dick into that stupid woman. For thinking this one time with his cock against the will of his heart. You fought, reconciled, but you were still hurt.
You both distanced yourself because he realized he wasn’t good enough for you. That you’d probably be happier with another man. He had distanced himself to think about how he could make you the happiest woman in the world without letting you go. Without losing you.
But by doing so, you had only spaced apart yourself from him, were insecure and didn’t know if he really loved you anymore. Hardly have you talked, only occasionally a kiss, no caresses. The last time you had sex, he didn’t know.
Was it his offended ego that had led him to the flirtation of this annoying woman, back then? Did he want to prove to himself that he could still make women happy? He doesn’t know, he just knows it was a mistake, his mistake. That he will never forget your broken look, which gives him a sting in his heart to this day.
Since these 5 years a lot has happened…
This gym teacher is no longer there. Left after Ukai told her that everything was just a stupid mistake, he has no feelings for her. Your mutual friends distance themselves more and more from him. Only Mr Takeda was at his side. His family blamed him right to do so.
He withdrew even more, stopped dying his hair. As soon as his hair was dark again, the first grey strands came. His skin became more wrinkled by smoking more often. Unclean by all the alcohol and sleeping pills he needed in the evening to lull himself to sleep.
He misses you every second. When you get up, your warmth is missing when his eyes open, your heated smile isn’t there. Your voice telling him to get up. Drinking coffee together, cooking food, laughing, arguing, kissing everything. All holidays are empty without you. Useless, since he can’t spend it with you. Everything hurts, he misses you.
You still never answered his messages. He’s still trying to imagine your smile, but he can’t. It has faded away.
Thoughtfully he wanders through the city, his one hand buried in his sweater, while the other holds a heavy bag full of alcohol. It’s been a long time since he traded his expensive, good-tasting whiskey for a cheap one. One that is affordable with this extensive amount of alcohol consumption.
His class is in extra training with the other schools. Because the spring tournament is coming up again soon and they train diligently with the other classes. Today they are at Nekoma High School.
He remembers well how the guys from this volleyball club stared at you. They were all kind of in love with you back then, but you only had eyes for Ukai. Yet, he only smiles for a tiny moment when he sees a face so familiar to him out of the corner of his eye and puts his heart in restlessness. Your face.
You look much more mature than 5 years ago, your face is full of youth, even though you have aged. Even if he hadn’t seen you for ages, and now he can only see your face through the flowers in front of you, he’s sure it’s you.
Smiling, you sit on the terrace of a café, looking into the distance, while you use your hands to settle your head on them. You look so incredibly beautiful. His body is stiff, yet he wants to see you, but his body just doesn’t move. He wants to hear your voice, see your laugh, laugh with you like old times.
But his joy of seeing you again fades, and instead a bittersweet feeling spreads in him as he sees you rising, waving toward a man. He doesn’t know what tears his heart more into a thousand pieces...
Your wonderful body, with this just so visible baby belly, or the man who nuzzles you lovingly on the cheek, kisses you, while the child in his hands reaches out and wants to you. A child. Your child, not his.
It’s a boy, his eyes are yours, his hair an exact picture of his father. Black and tangled in all directions. It’s like he just got up. The boy is from the man who’s had his eye on you before. His smirk is the same as his father’s. That could have been Ukais and your child. The child he would have wanted with you.
“Here, the drink’s from the man over there.” The bartender grins at you as he pushes a red cocktail towards you and looks to the side. Even your gaze wanders to the side when you see a man in a suit holding up his glass smirking, as if he wants to toast with you.
With a smile on your lips, you shake your head, turn to your cocktail as you hear his voice loud in your ears. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you, kitten.” Your shoulders are shrugging as you realize that the man is now standing right next to you, knocking his glass against yours.
“Kuroo, right?” You ask, even though you already know the answer. Kuroo Tetsurou, former captain of the Nekoma Volleyball Club. “I’m glad you remember me. Mind if I join you?” Nodding, you watch him place himself next to you and lay down, his head in his hand, his elbow on the mahogany bar below him.
“You look sad, kitten.” Is all he says, yet his mischievous smirk won’t leave his lips. Again and again you had read Ukai’s messages, wanted to answer him, deleted your answer always. “I’ve had an annoying breakup. And now I’m here, spending my Valentine’s Day in a bar, alone, letting an old school friend Tsukki’s talk to me.”
There’s so much irony and sadness in your voice, one more reason for Kuroo to make you laugh. Back then, he found you interesting and wanted to invite you on a date. “You’re probably forgetting you’re sitting here with the hot guy you gave the wrong number when he asked you for it.”
Embarrassed, you think back to that time. In fact, Kuroo had asked you for your number, was totally embarrassed and completely different from the volleyball games. But at that time you were with Ukai, so you only gave him one number that you had thought up, hoping not to see him again anyway, since this was your last year at Karasuno High School.
“Ups… Yeah right… Sorry about that.” But Kuroo just laughs, ruffles your hair and looks at you. “As you should be. Did you know that number existed? I spent weeks writing with a 78-year-old woman, showing her my muscular bare chest until we met, and I realized that you must have jumped into a time machine.”
Now you feel even more sorry for him. So much that you look at him apologetically and start laughing. Finally. “You’re looking much better this way, Y/n.” He’s just saying while he’s sipping on his drink.
You two are in the bar for a long time until you’re kicked out. It’s been a long time since you had such a pleasant laugh. This time you give him your real number, and this time he asks if it’s really your number, because he doesn’t want to end up with a serial killer in pieces.
But you just laugh, take his cell phone and call the number you gave him to show him your vibrating phone on which his number lights up.
You’re writing until night in the next few days. Keep calling until one of you falls asleep and meets more and more often. So many times until you get together.
Every week he brings you fresh flowers. You cook together in the evening and enjoy every second you two have. So it is no wonder that after only two years you wore a ring on your finger, with the inscription of your names and the date of the wedding. It’s no surprise that after three years, your son was born, and Kuroo and you were even happier than you were anyway. Also, it was no surprise that you have been pregnant again for a few months, this time expecting a little girl which Kuroo will treat like his little princess, you like his queen. He makes you happy, incredibly happy.
Your child is now tucked in a thick blanket in a stroller. You start pushing the stroller as Kuroo snatches his hands from behind around you to grab the handle of the stroller and hold you captive between his arms. Cheerfully you laugh as he gives you a kiss on the crown and you move further and further away from Ukai.
So Kuroo Tetsurou was the man who gave you what Ukai could never give you. Sincere love.
For a moment, he’s thinking about following you. He can still remember when Hinata said that Kuroo had bought a huge house. From the description, Ukai knew where that was. It was in one of the high-class neighborhoods. But should he really follow you? Should he lose his heart completely?
“Excuse me, sir, are you all right?” Fetch him a voice from a young man who looks at him anxiously. “Yes… Yeah, I was just thinking. Thank you for your concern.” He bows, thanking the young man who still goes on with a worried face. Ukai also goes on.
Unconsciously, his legs carry him to the neighborhood he thought of earlier, to the house that Hinata had described. He looks at the letterbox placed at the entrance of your gate.
The Kuroo family…
A thick lump forms in his throat, his heart aches bitterly and his hand that holds the bag full of alcohol trembles terribly. With a sad look, he stares into the window where he sees you together with Kuroo.
Tightly wrapped you both dance in your large but cozy living room. Your head on his chest while his hand is on your lower back, the other in your hand. That’s what you used to do back then. Dancing together with quiet music.
He gently turns your body, now presses his upper body against your back, softly places his head in the crook of your neck to cuddle it. His hands stroke the bulge of your belly. The life that’s in you.
From a distance, Ukai can still recognize the words that Kuroo forms with his lips.
I love you.
Words that Ukai would still like to tell you every day. Words he means as they are. But you don’t love him anymore. You’re not his songbird anymore.
He’s standing there for a long time, trying to absorb all your joyful expressions one last time. Manifesting them in his mind, because he knows he’ll never see you again. That this is the last time he’s here. That your smiling face will be the last thing he wants to see before he closes his eyes.
He wants to write to you...
I saw you today… you weren’t alone. You had a kid on your arm and a man on your side. It makes me happy… that you found your happiness. Even if it’s without me. Nevertheless, Y/n… I love you, I always did and always will do for the rest of my life...
But the message he wants to send you before he closes his eyes, he never sent. It remains in his draft forever. Makes you think he’s finally forgotten you.
Keishin’s voice was gruff as he looked down at you, you peered up from your bent over position, the sealed letter in your hand fallen forgotten as you caught his disgusted eyes. “Listen- I said I’d be your pretend boyfriend to piss off your parents alright? And I was fine with that, not become your real boyfriend. What you think you can change me for the better? We can have cute study dates? We’re not on the same level and we wont ever be.”
You unintentionally flinched at his harsh words, unable to help the tears that were already forming in your eyes as you lowered your gaze once more. “I just thought-“
“Just thought what? That I would ever want to actually be with someone like you? You’re so pathetic that you can’t actually do something rebellious, you had to get a pretend boyfriend. And I went along with it because I was bored, not attracted to you,” he spat, eyes flashing as he looked down at you.
You shrunk down from his gaze, trying to swallow the lump that had formed in your throat. “I’m sorry,” you whispered, clenching your hand with the envelope into a fist. It didn’t matter if it ruined the letter you had written, it was going in the trash anyways.
“No, I’m sorry I even agreed to this in the first place. This is over, y/n. Have a good fucking life at whatever prestigious school you end up going to and don’t fucking talk to me again,” he said sharply, turning on his heel and walking briskly away from you. You lowered your head and started to cry silently, hot tears of shame rolling down your cheeks. He was right, how could he have ever liked you? You were pathetic.
But what you didn’t see was the way Ukai’s shoulders dropped when he was far away enough, burying his face in his hands to hide his own shameful tears.
This was for the best. It was in your best interest to not be involved with him. And he cared too much about you to let himself drag you down.
this was so fun to write tbh?? omg i don’t think you expected me to finish this but it was short and quick and I liked it!! thank you!!
