Ages ago, someone in the fandom posted about how the meaning of the name Sallow was Willow, like willow trees. I was looking it up for something in my fanfic and learned some pretty interesting things! I figured I would share in case anyone else could use this information for their fanfiction. Here is the source of some of my information.
Sallows (Salix) are a species of willow.
Some types you may have heard of: Great willow, pussy willow, goat willow
Sallows are famous for their "catkin," which often appear before leaves do. They're a harbinger of spring.
Symbolically, willows can represent grief (this representation became popularized in Britain in the 16th and 17th centuries), strength, renewal/rebirth, and spring.
In Celtic traditions, the willow is associated with the moon and water.
In English folklore, willow trees were seen as sinister.
Willow bark has been known to alleviate pain. Salicylic acid was the basis of the development of aspirin.
Sallow supports a number of creatures, such as various moths, purple emperor butterflies, bees, and more.
I thought this was fascinating! Sallow/Willow being associated with pain relief and grief certainly checks out with what we know about the Sallows in Hogwarts Legacy. It makes me wonder if the game developers chose this last name for its symbolism or if it was just a coincidence. Most characters in the Harry Potter universe have aptly chosen names.
(By the way, I hate the scene depicted in this gif. Poor Sebastian - he looks like a sad and lost little puppy. 🥺 Solomon is the worst.)
For me, my fanfiction heavily deals with themes of renewal and rebirth, and I associate Sebastian with the moon, so this was an absolute delight to learn. 😊
DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED THE GAME YET. IF YOU CONTINUE READING, I DO NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT.
Topic of discussion ~ Do you believe that both Isidora and Sebastian had good intentions, they just chose the wrong paths, or do you think they deserve the endings (if you send Sebastian to Azkaban) they deserved.
During my second playthrough of Hogwarts's legacy, I noticed her and Sebastian's story quite similar.
Never mind the facts that they both come from Feldcroft, both have a sibling that they were very close to and people that don't understand what they are trying to do.
So this is what I noticed about these two characters~
1.She wanted to take away pain of her brother's death and heal her father.
2.Sebastian wanted to help his cure his sister to take away the curse that was causing her a great deal of pain.
Neither one could stay by and let this affect the ones they love.
3.The Keepers didn't like the use of ancient magic to take aways one pain, not knowing the long-term side effects of it.
4.Uncle Solomon doesn't like that Sebastian is trying to cure his sister's curse.
6.Isidora saw the use of ancient magic as a way to heal the world
7.Sebastian asks you to try and use it on Anne, despite not understanding and getting mad when you try to explain you can't fully understand it yourself.
8. Despite being told that magic wasn't the cure for her father's grief, she refused to listen.
9. Solomon believes that there is no cure for Anne and wants Sebastian to stop looking for one, which fuels Sebastian to try harder.
10. Isidora uses repositories to store the ancient magic as she "cures" the students.
11. Sebastian goes to find Relic he thinks will help with his quest to heal his twin.
They story just changes when Isidora is taken down by Avada Kadava in the end but for Sebastian, he uses it to take down his uncle, but at the cost of losing Anne forever.
So what are your thoughts about it? Do you think they were right or wrong?
I feel like its a double ended blade that no matter what they do they going to get cut.
If Isidora never used the ancient magic to heal her father, he would have never spoken another word to her, leaving her alone until he passed naturally, it is clear she did this out of love at first but also if the professors had not been so quick to see the negative, then we may have gotten the answer to if it was dangerous in the long run and also it might have cured Anne (If there were no negative outcomes from the others.)
The same goes for Uncle Solomon and Sebastian, it is clear from the time you meet him that he is a man who is stuck in his mindset, he gets angry so easily of Sebastian bringing her a single plant and destroys it, yelling at him that there is no cure and telling him to stop, if Solomon had been a little nicer, I would like to think that Sebastian wouldn't have gone down the path he did.
It's been nearly a year since Anne/Ominis temporarily took over my life. (Let's be honest, they could never fully beat out Sebastian/Damien, but they got very close...).
I don't think I've ever posted about my Anne/Ominis fic here on Tumblr before, so here it is! TA-DA.
[ AO3 Link ] [ Wattpad Link ]
Anne/Ominis dual POV
Teen rating
With flashbacks (first meeting, anyone? What about why Ominis and Duncan have ~beef~? And how about the moment Anne got cursed?)
And appearances from Sebastian, Uncle Solomon, and Damien <3
The story is part of my Like Moths to a Flame series, but it can be read as a standalone.
And then, faster than the blink of an eye, Ominis released the flower and reached out for her. Miraculously, his hands found purchase on her shoulders. He pulled Anne in and kissed her, deeply.
Anne barely had a chance to comprehend the sudden turn of events before the world around them faded away entirely. Time, as it often seemed to do in his embrace, stood still, and the pain - Merlin, the pain - completely vanished. Fleeting as it was, Anne now realized it wasn’t a figment of her imagination. When Ominis kissed her, the pain dissipated; he, in some inexplicable way, banished it.
Anne could lose herself in Ominis forever. But, alas, forever wasn’t an option. At least not right now.
When they parted, Anne’s eyes met Ominis’s, and even though she knew he couldn’t see her, she felt that they had found a silent understanding. No words were needed to convey their feelings for each other.
Anne, still caught in the spell of the stolen moment, couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, she loved him. And perhaps he loved her too. For didn’t the great stories say that love had a way of healing wounds that ran far deeper than the surface?
Anne had never considered herself a romantic until this moment. She chuckled quietly to herself. Ominis smiled warmly back at her.
He would depart soon, but she knew he would come to visit her often, especially now. Ominis was more than a friend; he was a true companion, a genuine… lover? The inviting notion sparked what felt like a gentle glow in her heart.
Even as the pain returned, as it always did, she found it more manageable. The memory of Ominis’s kiss lingered, reminding her that amidst the pain, there was a reason to endure. She may never be cured entirely from her curse, but there was at least something… someone… to look forward to. And maybe that was enough.
If you could bring back ONE person in the game who would it be.
*SPOILERS WITHIN FOR THE HOGWARTS LEGACY - IF YOU KEEP READING YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT YOU FIND OUT, IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED THE GAME*
Previous Chapter Recap/Context: For about two weeks, Sebastian and Kate have been meeting up as “friends.” The line between friendship and courtship has blurred more and more as time passes. Kate’s best friend, Pearl, advised Kate to test Sebastian by asking him to participate in a less-than-enjoyable activity, so she asked him to help expand her garden in exchange for a home-cooked meal at a later date. Not only did he agree, he stayed on even later to help with weeding. At the end of their visit, Kate kissed Sebastian without thinking, much to his delight. He knew then that he had made considerable progress in winning her heart once more, but she had also made it clear that she would not consider courtship until he offered her the full truth of his past.
Tags: Friends or Lovers?, Breaking Out of the Friendzone, Longing, Love Confessions, Discussion of Past Trauma (Death, Grief, Pet Abandonment, Child Abuse, Illness, Family Estrangement, Incarceration, Considering Self-Harm), Dark Wizards, the Dark Arts
Content Warnings: Death, Grief, Pet Abandonment, Child Abuse, Illness, Family Estrangement, Incarceration, Past Trauma, Considering Self-Harm
Chapter Music: “One and Only” - Teitur, “Feldcroft Theme” - Hogwarts Legacy unofficial soundtrack, “The Wedding” - James Horner (Deep Impact soundtrack)
Word Count: ~5,760
Acknowledgements: Thank you so much to @dreamy-gal-30 and @elliecutte for looking over the old version of this chapter and giving suggestions for the re-write. You guys are the best!
Link to Wattpad
Link to AO3
<- Previous Chapter
Chapter 16: There Are Things You Don't Know
Kate is ready when Sebastian knocks on her front door on Wednesday night.
After getting out of work, she went into cooking mode immediately. She had decided to show him how she specifically used items from her garden in the process. Since nothing was quite in season yet, she had to rely on her canned items, of which she had plenty of tomatoes. She settled on a main dish that most were not fully accustomed to in Britain - pasta with a homemade marinara sauce, meatballs, and crusty bread, preparing as much as she could the night before. In addition to the kitchen, she had cleaned up her living room and bathroom. She told herself that it was completely unnecessary to do anything special with her bedroom. He would not be going in there.
She had focused so much on the meal and making her cottage presentable that attire had completely slipped her mind until the last minute. Divesting herself of her apron and homely brown frock, she searched her closet, settling on a pink dress adorned with lace and a floral design over the neck and shoulders. Its sleeves left her forearms exposed, which would be comfortable in the kitchen amidst the summer warmth. Delicate pearl earrings and her hair tied into a bun almost made her outfit complete; a dianthus flower from Sebastian was woven into her tresses, and finally, she was satisfied.
“Hi,” Kate says shyly when she opens the door for Sebastian.
Dressed in a white collared shirt, a light brown vest, and dark brown pants, he smiles and holds out a bouquet of asters, his eyes sparkling as he drinks her in from head to hem. “Hi. These are for you. You… uh, you look really pretty in pink.”
She blinks, her eyelashes fluttering as she tries to remember what asters symbolize. With him, there’s always an underlying message. Ah, yes. Patience. A smile graces her lips as she accepts the flowers. “Thank you, Sebastian.”
Inviting him inside, she gestures for him to sit in the living room. “I’ll just put these in water. The food is just about ready.”
Sebastian has a moment alone to survey her house again on his own. He can’t help but feel as though this cozy, green room filled with books and plants felt all at once like a library, a greenhouse, and… home. A real home. Patience. Maybe someday…
The aroma of a meal made with love permeates the cottage. “Hey, whatever you’re cooking smells amazing!” he shouts excitedly towards the kitchen.
Kate steps out, grinning. “I hope you like it! It’s… well, kind of an exotic dish from Italy.”
“I love any kind of adventure.”
When Sebastian is finally called into the kitchen, his eyes widen upon dishes of steaming food, along with dim lighting and candles. Romantic.
“Is red wine alright? Or would you prefer something else?” she asks.
“That’s perfect.”
Sebastian attempts to avert his eyes, but he can’t help but stare when she reaches high up for the bottle, taking in her shapely form. Carefully delivering it to the counter, she uncorks it, then pours the Chianti generously into two wine stems.
Sebastian’s eyes are filled with adoration when he offers a toast. “To the most beautiful, kind, intelligent, and sweet hostess, who deserves the entire world and more.”
In stunned silence, Kate blushes deeply as she clinks her glass to his.
“So… what exactly are we eating?” he asks.
“Oh! It’s pasta with marinara sauce and meatballs. And this is crusty Italian bread with garlic butter.” She points out everything.
“I’ve heard of all of this but never tried it. I’m sure it’s going to taste great, Kate.”
“I wanted to show you that I’m a good cook,” she tells him, her cheeks pink. “The sauce was made from tomatoes I grew and canned last year. It also has herbs that I harvested from the garden.”
She watches carefully as Sebastian takes his first bite. “Oh, gods, this is… amazing.”
Kate beams with pride. “Truly? Oh, I’m so glad! Erm, I didn’t make the pasta myself, though - that’s the one thing I cannot take credit for. I happened upon dry pasta recently when a traveling vendor came through town. I was so excited that I bought three pounds of it!”
“That was lucky for you - but for me as well. I guess I love pasta!” he replies, his mouth full. A moment later, he samples the garlic buttered bread. “Well, I love food in general. I have a bottomless stomach, if you haven’t already noticed,” he notes with a chuckle. “But, yes, I enjoy trying new things.”
“I love exploring new cuisine. I want to travel the world and gather unique ingredients everywhere I go. Cooking and baking are never boring when you’re open to trying new recipes. The problem is that it is just so difficult to find international items around here,” she explains.
Sebastian nods appreciatively, his mouth filled to the brim as he chews. When he finally swallows, he takes her hands and sincerely says, “Gods, I’ll do any chores you want if the reward is more of your food. And… having your company, too.”
“I… I’ll keep that in mind.” She smiles, gazing into his eyes.
Kate’s mind conjures images of domesticity - Sebastian helping her carry groceries home, opening stubborn jars, performing hard work out in the yard, shirtless and sweating, while she prepares gourmet meals and tasty treats for him. She can see them washing dishes side by side, laughing, reading together on the couch, falling asleep cuddled in bed… It’s becoming impossible for Kate to deny how much she wants all of it. A true companion: someone to listen to her, someone to hold her at night, someone with whom to share joy and sorrow alike. Someone to end the loneliness that has seeped into her bones like a curse.
And that true companion - her life partner - is not anyone her mother has set her up with. It’s him. It’s Sebastian Sallow, and deep down, she knows it.
But how can she compromise her morals? He’s a Dark magic user. And she is anything but.
Sebastian isn’t what Kate ever pictured when she thought of a man who practiced the Dark arts. That is what baffles her most of all: he isn’t a bad person. He once made mistakes - serious mistakes - as a boy, but who he seems to be now, as a man, doesn’t align with his past actions. She recalls how wounded he looked when she had turned him away nearly a month ago, how he dejectedly remarked that he’ll always be punished in every way for what he did at 16 years old - almost a decade prior. Whenever she visualizes that moment, it makes her want to burst into tears. His own sadness could only be resolved with her acceptance - her love and care - she’s sure of it.
Just as she is sure that he could end her own loneliness. He would lift her up, challenge her, and encourage her to pursue her dreams.
Lost in her own thoughts, she returns to reality as Sebastian squeezes her hands. She suddenly notices that she never let go, and he has been staring at her intently, his throat bobbing.
“Kate… I…” he begins hesitantly. “I need you to understand that I… Um… I’m so thankful for you. I don’t know if you are aware, but… you’ve changed my life completely in such a short time. Everything is so much… brighter. I haven’t felt like this since… well, before Azkaban. There’s actual hope in my heart again.”
His unwavering gaze holds her eyes hostage. She forgets to breathe.
“And I realize this is quite forward, considering we’ve only been acquainted but a month, but all of my hopes are centered around a life with you. I know you’ve said we are just friends, but I will do anything to cross that boundary and make you mine. Kate…” He takes a deep breath. “I’m - I’m in love with you. I have been from the moment I set my eyes on you, and my feelings only… grow… every time we’re together. Sunshine, we aren’t just friends. We’re…”
He loves me.
He really loves me.
I think I - no, I can’t tell him the same, not without his full honesty… I can’t just let him charm his way back in…
Kate opens her mouth, but he silences her with a finger to her lips. Her heart races.
“Please, Kate, don’t say anything yet,” he begs. “There are things you don’t know about me that I’ve never explained, but I’m ready for you to know it all. If you don’t want me after, I… well, I don’t know… but I just need a chance to tell you. You deserve to know the truth about my past and my current situation.”
She raises her eyebrows, surprised, but then a serious expression graces her face. Is this it? Is he finally going to tell me everything? She nods, softly responding, “I’m listening, Seb.”
“Gods, I don’t even know where to begin… maybe when my parents died…” He frowns, picturing his childhood home. “Anne and I were ten years old. We lived an idyllic life. My parents were always busy - they were professors and constantly researching, grading, planning lessons - but they cared deeply about us, and we wanted for nothing. We lived in Aranshire so that they could be close to Hogwarts.” He sighs. “The day they passed was one of the worst days of my life. It was summer. Most of their time on holiday was spent in the cellar, which was set up as their personal study. Anne and I were not supposed to disturb them unless there was an emergency. We spent most of our days outside, but that day, it had been pouring, so we were stuck indoors. Usually, my mum would check on us every so often and call us for meals, but she had missed luncheon, and it was nearing five o’clock. We hadn’t eaten since breakfast, and Anne and I were hungry and eventually grew tired of waiting. The rain was finally letting up, so we snuck around to the cellar to call to our parents. We opened the door and yelled out to them, but no one answered. It was far too quiet, and it just felt… off. So, I descended first, and Anne followed.” He swallows. “First, I noticed a funny smell, and then we found them. My mum was lying on the floor. My da was slumped over in his chair. Anne and I tried to wake them but couldn’t. They were dead. Our next-door neighbors, an elderly couple, heard us screaming and came to see what was happening. The moment they entered the cellar, the two of them put handkerchiefs over their noses and mouths. They dragged us outside, insisting we had to leave because there was clearly a gas leak. Later, we realized that a lamp was the source. It had malfunctioned, and the two of them must not have detected the scent or any change in the air. Furthermore, they usually had the cellar door open so that they could listen for Anne and me, but they had kept it closed due to the rain that day. So, the gas was trapped in the cellar. It hung in the air, made them drowsy, and eventually they slept… and never woke.”
Kate’s eyes are trained on him as she murmurs, “I’m so sorry, Sebastian. I can’t even imagine…”
He hangs his head dejectedly. “I always wonder if I could have done something. If only I had checked on them earlier…”
Kate quickly replies, “No. No - that wasn’t your fault. Nothing could have been done.” She stops to think for a moment. “So, what happened to you and Anne then? You would have been too young still to go to Hogwarts…”
“Unfortunately, our only living relative was our Uncle Solomon, my da’s older brother. We didn’t see him often because he and my da were always arguing about something. They just didn’t get along. Solomon had never married and didn’t particularly like children, but he had no choice but to take us in. He didn’t know how to raise us, nor did he want to. He resented us and saw us as a burden, and he made that clear in both his actions and words. Anne and I were a constant reminder of his broken relationship with our father.”
She nods somberly, encouraging him to continue when he pauses.
“Solomon was offered the house in Aranshire, but my parents hadn’t yet paid in full, and he couldn’t afford the payments. He was just a farmer. He had once been an Auror but had been let go under… mysterious circumstances. We heard rumors that it had something to do with Dark magic, but we never knew for certain. We were forced to move into his tiny cottage, near the farm fields, in Feldcroft. We had to give up just about everything - all of our parents’ belongings and valuables, save for just a few heirlooms and some portraits, which weren’t worth any money. He said he had to sell it all so that he could take care of our needs and eventually our Hogwarts tuition. We were never spoiled again from that point forward. Anne and I only had necessities - nothing more. We even had to give up our dog.”
Kate gasps.
“Luckily, he went to a good home. The older couple who had lived next door to us in Aranshire took him in, but it broke our hearts. I think we cried for two days straight.”
“That’s cruel,” she replies. “I’ve never had any pet other than an owl, but dogs… they’re like family members. I can’t believe he made you give up…”
“Endy,” Sebastian finishes. “His name was Endy. He was an Old English Sheepdog. We thought it was clever to name him Endymion, after the shepherd who fell in love with the goddess of the moon in Greek mythology.” A sad little smile tugs at the corner of his lips. “He was the shaggiest dog I’ve ever seen. He was very independent, too - he wandered all over the hamlet during the day but always came home around sunset. He knew a lot of tricks - he was smart. But I wonder if he understood what had happened and why he didn’t live with us anymore. As a boy, I worried that Endy thought he had been abandoned because he had done something wrong. I tried to explain it to him, but…”
He can feel tears coming and blinks, trying to will them away. He changes the subject, focusing on the next part of his story. When he looks up at Kate, her eyes are watery, and she wipes them with her free hand.
“There was no privacy in Solomon’s home. Nor was there any comfort. We quickly learned he was a drunk - an angry drunk. He picked on me the most because I reminded him of my da. When Anne and I started at Hogwarts and only came back for holidays, things seemed better, but by the end of each break, my uncle and I were at each other’s throats. When I was thirteen, we had a complete blowout argument over our inheritance, and he kicked me out. He built a tiny shed and told me that that was where I was to sleep from then on. In some ways it was better than being near him, but I froze every night out there, even with warming charms. I was only thirteen, Kate. Just a child.” He shifts in his seat. “I always worried about leaving Anne alone with him, but she was usually alright. She quickly learned how to handle his outbursts without consequence, unlike me. He just hated me so much for no good reason. I could never do anything right. Never. It didn’t matter to my uncle that I earned top marks at school, that I was on the Quidditch team, that I was the best duelist at Hogwarts, even at such a young age - I was always ‘just like my stubborn father.’ As if it was an insult to be like my da.”
Stroking his hand soothingly, Kate whispers, “I’m sure your father was lovely, if you truly are like him, Sebastian.”
Sebastian looks away now that a tear slides down his cheek. For nearly a decade, he had not let any of this out, and here, this wonderful woman - the one he loves - is comforting him, truly listening to him. “T- Thank you. He- he really was a great man. I hope I can live up to him one day. I admired him so much.”
Kate squeezes his hand, and he finds the strength to keep going.
“In the spring during our fourth year, something awful happened. In the middle of the night, I woke up to shouting and a great deal of noise outside the shed. Feldcroft was under attack. Solomon, Anne, and I immediately joined the fight against the goblins and Dark wizards in the hamlet. We all became separated as it escalated. When it finally started to die down, I realized that some of the screams were coming from Anne. I found her near the well, rolling on the ground in pain, clutching her abdomen. A Dark wizard had cursed her, a child. She was never the same after that. The curse worked in such a way that whenever she became emotional, she would fall into a bout of pure suffering. She became so frail.”
Sebastian’s thoughts wander back to that time. He can see clearly Anne’s pale, gaunt face, the dark shadows under her eyes, the will to live fading.
“Solomon and I brought her to St. Mungo’s. The healers examined Anne but said there was no cure. Our uncle just… gave up after that, but I wouldn’t accept it. I couldn’t bear to see my sister in such terrible pain. I mean, everything has to have a solution. Everything. When others accepted defeat, I challenged myself to succeed at all costs. Truly, at all costs. I took it upon myself to discover the cure so that Anne could come back to Hogwarts. That led to many incidents in which I needed to sneak into the restricted section of the school library. Merlin’s beard, Madam Scribner hated me so much. Every time I was caught, she sent an owl straight to my uncle, which always made things at home so much worse. He kept telling me to leave things be, but I couldn’t. I refused to let her suffer. It pained me to see her in such a state. Before the curse, Anne was always cheerful, funny, daring... Afterwards, she became withdrawn and quiet - as though she had resigned herself to agony. To death. I just couldn’t let it be.” He shakes his head.
“I understand,” Kate murmurs. “I do.”
“But nothing I tried ever seemed to work. I finally came to the conclusion that I had to try something new and bold. I decided to fight fire with fire, to try to use Dark magic to break a Dark curse. My persistence, however, turned into obsession. I was out of control, and I wouldn’t listen to reason from Ominis or our good friend, Ruby. I dragged them into situations I shouldn’t have. I taught Ruby things I shouldn’t have. During my fifth year, we discovered an item - a Dark relic - in the Feldcroft catacombs. The note that came with it said not to take it, but I did. The longer I had it in my possession, the more it seemed to influence me. I became so angry and single-minded, desperate to save Anne. Somehow, I became convinced that the relic held the solution, and I knew from research that for it to truly work at its full potential, I had to make a sacrifice. I didn’t want to hurt anyone, though, so I tried a loophole. I traveled to the Feldcroft catacombs and raised Inferi.” He glances across the table. Kate looks horrified. “I had hoped that destroying Inferi would be enough of a sacrifice, but if not, I was planning to…” He hangs his head, “...sacrifice part of myself. Maybe a finger, my left hand, praying that it would be enough… But before I could come to any conclusion, I was foiled. Ruby and Ominis arrived at the catacombs almost right after I had raised the Inferi, and then, my Uncle Solomon showed up, too. He assumed that Ruby was involved and viciously attacked us both. He was unrelenting. He even used Fiendfyre, Kate. He was going to kill us. I could see it in his eyes. So, I defended myself, but it was in the worst way possible. I used the killing curse. In an instant, Solomon was dead, and I couldn’t take it back.” He has a pained expression on his face. “The thing that bothers me most is that… I didn’t actually want to take it back. Solomon had tormented me for so many years and made my life a living hell. At that moment, I was glad he was gone. But the effects… were devastating.”
Kate is quiet, processing it all as tears fall down her face.
“Afterwards, Anne refused to speak to me and just… disappeared. I never saw her again. Now, she’s gone. In Azkaban, I was informed that she died alone and in terrible pain. So, really, I made everything worse. I don’t understand what she did to survive after our uncle died. She had no money and was so sick… All I really know is that two days later, I was expelled. Aurors dragged me away from Hogwarts. I stood before the Wizengamot as they questioned me, examined my wand, and debated my fate. I’ll never forget the expression on Ominis’ face when I was given a life sentence in Azkaban. He was shocked - and absolutely distraught.”
“Look, I understand that what you did was unacceptable, but… a life sentence for a teenage boy is very harsh, especially considering the circumstances,” Kate notes.
Sebastian doesn’t respond for a long time, staring off into the distance. Conflicted, he continues, “You have no idea, Kate. No idea how brutal it is in Azkaban. I honestly… I don’t want to talk about it right now. I will tell you someday, but… I’m not ready.” Sebastian shakes his head. “It’s far too painful.”
There is a heavy silence.
“I u- understand if it’s too much tonight,” she responds, her voice shaky but gentle, “but I’m always here to listen.” Rising from her seat, she steps over to him, soothingly placing her hands on his shoulders. “I- I think we should move into the living room. It’s more comfortable there. Why don’t you get settled? I’ll prepare dessert.” To Sebastian’s complete surprise, she kisses the top of his head, lingering for a moment.
In a daze, his mouth drops open and he replies, “S- Sure,” then wanders into the other room, settling on the couch.
He waits there for several minutes, welcoming the break from the difficult conversation. He can hear dishes being stacked, the faucet running, Kate closing the window. He leans his head back on the couch, savoring the calming noise of her moving about in the kitchen. The scent of chocolate fills the air.
“It’s a little chilly in here,” Kate mentions, striding into the room. “I should have closed the window earlier. Sorry.” She gracefully points her wand at the fireplace, murmuring, “Incendio.” A fire roars to life. “Just need another minute,” she tells him with a smile.
She returns, carefully carrying two steaming mugs and a tray of biscuits. “Have you ever had biscotti?” When he shakes his head, she explains, “They’re Italian biscuits made with almonds. They’re meant to be served with coffee or another hot beverage that they could potentially be dipped into. That’s why I have the hot cocoa here, too.”
Kate is amazed when, five minutes later, Sebastian has eaten almost all of the cookies on the tray and downed his entire beverage. It appears that he has an enormous sweet tooth, which couldn’t be more perfect for someone who loves to bake.
“Shall I send some home with you?” she asks, giggling and pleased. “I have more.”
He nods eagerly, and she is happy to oblige.
She cleans up the cups and tray in the kitchen, wrapping up the extra biscotti in a cloth bag and tying it off. Shuddering from a sudden chill, she rubs her forearms in an attempt to warm up. She brings a quilt back to the couch.
“You’re cold,” Sebastian observes, concerned, as he spots goosebumps on her bare skin.
“A bit,” she affirms.
“Come here,” he murmurs, sliding an arm around her back, his hand around her waist.
“Okay,” she responds, settling in close to him - so close that the space between their legs disappears. “Here - we can share.” She covers their laps with the blanket and then melts into him, laying her head against his bicep without hesitation.
Merlin, his internal voice mutters, amazed that she is actually cuddling up to him.
“You’re so warm,” she mumbles appreciatively.
He can’t help the grin growing on his lips. “Happy to help, love.”
Her cheeks go pink.
The fire crackles, and the two of them sit in comfortable silence.
“Kate,” Sebastian murmurs, “I want to tell you about my job, but it’s… highly classified Ministry business. If I share anything with you, you must swear to complete secrecy. It would endanger me - and all of wizardkind - if the information fell into the wrong hands.”
Kate lifts her head; her eyes widen. “Seb, you can trust me. I swear I won’t tell anyone.”
There is a long pause as he considers how to explain. He exhales. “As you know, I was supposed to serve a life sentence in Azkaban. I would still be there now if not for the… the Kelpies.”
“The Kelpies?” she asks in a panicked whisper. “Do you mean the Kelpies? The dark wizards terrorizing the United Kingdom?”
“Yes, the very same. They conducted a successful jail break when I was 21. It wasn’t publicized, but that’s how they rose to power again - by freeing their most important members from Azkaban. I wasn’t one of them, but they offered to get me out … if I would join them,” Sebastian explains. He sees the alarmed look on her face. “Kate, I would have died in Azkaban had I not accepted. I had no choice. No choice. They wanted me because the gang member in the cell next to me told them I was promising - that I was a strong fighter.”
“A fighter?”
He blanches. “Yes… I…” he swallows. “I just… d- don’t want to talk about that right now, if that’s alright. Maybe… another time. Someday.”
She nods, her eyes downcast.
“For years, I followed the Kelpies, owing them and thus doing what they asked of me. It was awful. Gods, absolutely awful. But I couldn’t get away, and to stay in their favor, I was forced to do terrible things. Unforgivable things.” He shudders. “I hate them so much. Every single one of them should be rotting in Azkaban,” he mutters in disgust. “That brings me to where I am today. That’s… my job. I’m… working to destroy them from the inside.” Kate turns her head to face him, her eyes large. “See, the Ministry caught up to me about two and a half years after I broke out of prison. They were going to send me right back to Azkaban, but… I negotiated. A plan was concocted. The Department of Magical Law Enforcement had been working for years to apprehend the Kelpies with little success. I had a mountain of information, was generally trusted within the organization, and knew many of their secret plans… I was a valuable asset to the Ministry, so I became a double-agent. I will continue to work for the DMLE until the Kelpies are brought to justice and I earn my freedom.”
She sharply gasps, coming to a realization. “The Dark magic… The reason you use Dark Magic is–”
Sebastian nods, gazing steadily into her eyes. “Yes. I think you understand. To remain safe and complete the job, I have no choice but to practice Dark magic. It is expected of me as part of the gang. So… I can’t just quit using it like you want me to. Otherwise, the Kelpies will kill me without a second thought. I’m not officially one of them yet, but they’re about ready to initiate me. The initiation involves becoming an animagus - a black horse - you know, a Kelpie. But I don’t want that. I just need to keep playing along. My freedom - my life, really - depends on it.”
Kate sucks in a breath, her mind spinning.
“I- I know it’s a lot to take in,” he acknowledges. “I couldn’t bear to burden you with all of this when we first met. It was far too soon. I hope you understand.” He leans in towards her, kissing the top of her head. “But now that we’ve known each other for some time, I wanted to share that with you. I… I hope it doesn’t scare you off.”
Maintaining eye contact, she shakes her head. “No. I… It’s not knowing it that scares me. I just… I think I’m going to worry about your physical safety more than anything else now.”
He blinks in surprise but recovers quickly. “Sunshine, I…” He leans in closer yet, his forehead touching hers. The scent of her perfume - floral and sweet - envelops him in a tender and comforting embrace. “I know how to take care of myself… I’ve endured more than you can possibly imagine...”
Her eyes, filled with concern, bring emotions to the surface that he’s never experienced before. For reasons he doesn’t understand, he suddenly begins to tear up, the weight of everything he has shared crashing down upon him.
Kate, watching him closely, threads her fingers into his thick brown tresses, pulling his head down to her chest. His shoulders begin to shake, as his collected facade begins to unravel. She lays back and embraces him tightly, his head nestled between her breasts. Her heartbeat is soothing and steady.
“It’s alright,” she murmurs, pulling the blanket over him and petting his hair. “I’m here, Seb. I’m here.”
The bodice of her dress dampens, and she begins to cry herself when she imagines it all - everything he has been through: his parents’ untimely deaths, living with his abusive uncle, his twin cursed and suffering despite his every effort to help, being expelled and thrown in prison, forced to serve evil men, being trapped for years…
All she can do is hold him and hold him and hold him.
Kate slowly opens her eyes, confused. She is on the couch, the living room is dim, and… Sebastian is lying on top of her, his breathing soft and his arms wrapped around her.
Understanding dawns on her: We must have fallen asleep.
What time is it?
The curtains are open in the living room, and outside, the world is dark.
She desperately wants to give in to weariness, but rationally, she knows they both have to work tomorrow.
She at least allows herself to gaze upon Sebastian - her Sebastian - for a few minutes. His hair is messy, and his shirt has ridden up, untucked from his trousers. She lets her hand glide along the column of his spine, and he yawns, tired, before flipping onto his back. She studies his freckled face, noticing the stubble growing in, and while he is not quite conscious, she leans down to kiss his forehead, then his nose.
“Sebastian,” she whispers, placing her hand on his cheek. “Sebastian, we fell asleep.”
He stirs, inhaling sharply. “Kate,” he murmurs, his voice rough, “My sunshine…”
“Yes.” Kate smiles. “Seb, we have to get up. We can’t go back to sleep like this. We both have to work tomorrow.”
He grimaces. “Oh. Oh, yeah…” He stretches, lifting himself to a sitting position. “Sorry, love. I… I don’t know what happened…”
She giggles softly at his tired confusion. “Nothing - we just fell asleep.”
“Mmm. I must have been comfortable,” he notes.
“I must have been, too.”
They are silent for a couple of minutes, still trying to regain consciousness.
Kate finds her wand and mutters a spell; the room lights up. They both stand.
“I suppose I should get going,” he says reluctantly, to which she nods.
“I’ll get the biscotti for you.” She meanders into the kitchen.
She meets him by the entryway, where he puts on his shoes. He accepts the cloth bag from her, charming it to be small enough to place in his pocket.
Sebastian takes her hands in his, meeting her eyes. “I… I’ll be honest: I don’t want to go. I never want to go. I’ll just be counting the minutes until I can see you again.” He tucks a strand of hair that has escaped her bun behind her ear. “I meant everything I said to you tonight. I love you, Kate.” He pauses. “I don’t expect you to say it back right now, but… I hope you might someday. I want to thank you for everything tonight. The dinner and dessert were both perfect, and I appreciate you for simply listening to me. I’m glad you know it all.”
Kate blushes. “Sebastian, I need some time to process all of this, but… I want to see you more often. I do.”
“Kate… could I ask you for something?”
Her head tilts. “What is it?”
“Stop seeing those other men your mum sets you up with,” he pleads. “See only me. Kate, I can’t stand the idea of you with anyone else. Just thinking about it makes me sick.”
She nods. “I have a date on Friday. I can’t cancel it now, but… I won’t accept any more.”
He takes her hand, kissing it eagerly.
“Saturday. Let’s meet again on Saturday,” she suggests.
“Yes. And every day after that, if you’ll allow it.”
“Good night,” she whispers sweetly, kissing his cheek. “Be safe.”
“Good night,” he echoes. “I love you, Kate.” He embraces her, lingering, and then leans in to press his lips to her cheek as well. He opens the door and shuts it behind him.
Hi! After working on this story for about a year and a half, I've decided to take a break from creating new chapters for now to focus on rewriting from the beginning. I hope you'll give the new and improved version a chance. Constructive feedback is always welcome and much appreciated!
Previous Chapter Recap/Context:
Sebastian Sallow and Kate Mayflower spent their first date walking around Hogsmeade until the early hours of the morning. Both of them felt an instant and deep connection to each other. Though she had never moved that quickly in any other relationship, Kate invited him to her cottage. After Sebastian promised her it wouldn’t just be a one-night stand, they passionately made love and found that they were even more in tune with each other than originally thought. Both of them wondered, deep down, if the other was their soulmate. As Kate fell asleep in his arms, Sebastian worried about the way Kate might react when she eventually learns about his past; he didn’t share the full truth with her out of both hope and fear. He knew that she would ask about his terrible scarring sooner rather than later but prays that she is kind enough to not let it spell disaster for their budding relationship.
Tags: Romance, New Relationship, Hope and Dreams, Honesty, Lies, Confessions, Betrayal, Morals and Values, Angst, Sorrow, Emotional Turmoil, Dark Magic, Hurt/No Comfort
Content Warnings: The morning after, feelings of betrayal, emotional turmoil, sad ending
NSFW Illustration by @giselsann below the cut
Chapter Music: “A Red, Red Rose” - Bear McCreary (Outlander soundtrack), “The Sun is in Your Eyes” - Jacob Collier, “Tribute” - J. Scott Rakozy (Hogwarts Legacy soundtrack), "The Crypt, Pt. 2" - Abel Korzeniowski (Romeo and Juliet soundtrack), “Farewell” - Dario Marianelli (Atonement soundtrack)
Word Count: ~4,700
Link to Wattpad
Link to AO3
<- Previous Chapter
Chapter 9: Ruin
She giggles, rushing over the top of a vibrant green hill dotted with bleating sheep. One tiny hand holds up her skirt and smock so that she doesn’t trip, and the other tugs along a young boy with a mop of black hair and clothing from long, long ago. Smiling, he shouts something in a language she doesn’t recognize, but it’s clear from his body language that he’s begging her to slow down. She shakes her head, continuing to dash towards a forest with a grin.
She’s a young child. Ten, perhaps, judging from her size? She doesn’t recognize the setting or her clothing - it’s that of a… medieval peasant? Perhaps the girl isn’t her…
A few buildings with thatched roofs grow further and further away as the two run off on an adventure. The woods ahead grow closer and closer. The sun is setting in the distance.
They hurry into the forest, jumping over fallen branches and startling some wild animals. A squirrel skitters through the brush and leaps to safety on the bark of a tree, climbing higher and higher until it is out of sight.
A creek comes into view, and the two slow as they approach it. Kate walks to the shore’s edge and peers into the water. A girl she doesn’t recognize is reflected back. A handkerchief-like piece of fabric covers the top of her head. Her long hair is curly and so lightly blonde it practically looks white. Green eyes look back at her freckled cheeks, her smile missing a baby tooth. She glances at the boy, puzzled.
And then she wakes.
What a strange dream… Kate muses.
She realizes she is not alone. Almost instantly, memories from the previous night flood her mind. Good conversation, laughter, kisses, skin on skin, passion… She feels Sebastian’s body, warm and strong, completely engulfing her own as they lay, spooning. His hand is curled between her breasts. She is tempted to close her eyes once more, to simply listen to him breathing steadily and softly. But the day has broken.
She lightly grazes his arm in a featherlight touch - up and down. He inhales sharply, waking up. After a minute, he realizes where he is and who he is with. He kisses her shoulder, his lips lingering when his hold over her tightens, as if she will disappear at any moment if he lets go.
“Good morning, sunshine,” Sebastian murmurs in a sleepy yet content voice.
Kate smiles. “Good morning, moon prince.” She chuckles.
They lay quietly for a moment. Sebastian’s fingers begin to roam her body. He languidly presses his lips to her shoulder over and over again, his morning wood proud against her bottom. She relaxes into him.
“Mmmm,” Kate hums in approval. She slowly turns over to face him and giggles at his hair sticking up in odd places.
Sebastian’s chocolate eyes examine her face and every inch of her body that isn’t covered by the quilt, as though he is thoroughly memorizing each detail. He’ll be replaying this moment in his mind for the foreseeable future. Her golden hair, tangled from their very early morning activities, her eyes, blue like a summer sky, the pink blush upon her cheeks, her soft skin, rosy nipples on her large, round breasts. His fingers dance along her cheekbone affectionately.
“So… this was not a dream,” Sebastian finally says. “I’m very pleased.”
Kate leans in to briefly kiss him. “No, it’s not a dream. We’re really here together. I’m so glad you stayed.”
He grins dreamily. “I could get used to this...”
She lets out a little laugh, then kisses him and wraps her arms around him. Suddenly, she feels his scars again. It rips her out of the haze of romance. She pulls away slightly, trying to hide her reaction.
“Since you let me sleep here, may I contribute in some way?” Sebastian asks. “Shall I make us something for breakfast?”
Kate’s eyebrows raise in shock. “You want to cook… for me?”
“Well, yes…? Is that a problem?”
She quickly shakes her head. “No, n- not at all… I’m just… surprised.”
“Kate, allow me. I want to please you.”
She smiles. “I certainly won’t say no. You may have free range in my kitchen. Use anything you like. Ingredients, pots, pans - anything.”
He captures her lips in a long kiss before scooting to the edge of the bed. “I’m happy to do it for you.” He stands, facing her once more, and stretches as she ogles his naked form. Bending down, he finds his underpants, tugging them back on.
“Shall I come with you?” she asks.
“No, I’d like for you to relax. I’ll serve breakfast in bed. Let me take care of you.”
She’s dumbfounded. A man willing to cook? Wanting to please her? It’s nothing she’s ever experienced, only imagined in her wildest fantasies. “Thank you, Sebastian…”
He grins widely. Kate stares as he strides out of the bedroom, but then, her eyes bulge when, finally, she can clearly see the scars covering his back. She attempts to hold in a gasp of horror. She has never seen anyone with so many scars. Brutal ones. It appears as though Sebastian had been whipped repeatedly. But it isn’t just lashes - some marks suggest other injuries. Even overlapping those are some that look like lightning - like he had been electrocuted.
How…? How could he have so many scars? What could possibly explain them? Kate cannot come up with any reasonable answer, no matter how much her mind spins. Then she remembers his deflection. “Kate, we can talk about that later…” His words echo in her head.
Cupboards noisily open and close in the kitchen while utensils clink. Eventually, the scent of bacon fills the air. Kate waits anxiously. If she is to be with him, there is so much she needs to ask, so much she needs to know.
Sebastian returns several minutes later, carrying a plate of food and a cup of water. Still clad only in his undershorts, Kate studies his upper body in closer detail. He has freckles everywhere, which she finds charming. His torso is lean - chiseled and athletic; it is clear that he takes care of his body. His back, however, is a complete contradiction.
Kate accepts the bacon and buttered toast as Sebastian places the glass on the nightstand next to her. He kisses the top of her head, then strolls out of the room to retrieve his own plate. Her eyes follow his marred back as he steps back into the hallway. She debates how to address what she wants to ask as he disappears from view. Where to even start?
“Your kitchen is lovely, Kate,” Sebastian compliments as he walks back into the room, clambering into bed while balancing his plate. “I hope you like the food. I know it’s simple, but I just wanted to make something quickly. I don’t know when you last ate, but for me, it was quite some time ago.” He chuckles quietly. “I’m starving.”
“It’s such a treat to have breakfast in bed. No one ever serves me. I do everything on my own here,” Kate replies, biting into the toast. “So, thank you. Thank you for the breakfast… and for the reminder that I don’t have to be on my own.”
Sebastian eats a slice of bacon, contemplating her words. When he speaks, his tone is genuine and kind. “No, you don’t have to be alone. Not anymore. I want to be with you... I mean it.” He brings her hand to his lips. “I know I haven’t been all that transparent with you about my own background yet, but I want to know everything about you.”
“And I you,” Kate replies, sipping some water.
While they eat, there are several moments in which neither of them talks.
Sebastian eventually breaks the ice again. “I know your family doesn’t live near here. Do you… feel lonely on your own?”
Kate exhales. “I have a lot of friends and a large extended family, so I know I’m not truly alone, but… No one I’m close to lives near me.” She hesitates. Her eyes are cast down when she admits, “Yes. I’m lonely. I’m lonely all the time. It’s hard to live on my own. Really, really hard.”
Sebastian nods. “I can relate. I’ve been alone for a long time.”
Kate takes a breath, knowing this conversation might be difficult. He had mentioned that his parents had passed, as well as his sister. She then asks, “Why don’t you tell me about your family, Sebastian?”
He sighs, and there is a pause. He can’t keep stalling or hiding. Kate is already asking questions. It was inevitable, after all. “My family…” he begins, avoiding looking at her. “...it’s complicated.” He white-knuckles the plate, his face growing a little red. Slowly taking a breath, he meets her eyes. His voice breaks when he admits, “The truth is, Kate, that I don’t have a family.”
Kate didn’t realize that he truly didn’t have any family left. “Sebastian, I’m so sorry.” She pauses, taking his hand again. “Would you be willing to… to tell me more?”
Sebastian is slightly trembling as he shakes his head. “I… I can’t,” he whispers, tearing up. “Kate, you seem so loving… and kind… and caring… and if I tell you more, it’s going to ruin something as wonderful as we have, even in this short amount of time…”
“Why would telling me about your family ruin everything?” Confused, her hand tightens over his.
“I…” He sighs. “If I speak the truth to you, Kate, it will change how you think of me.” His next words come out very softly. “I don’t want to lose you. I mean it when I say I want to be with you, for us to have a future together. This isn’t the right time…”
“But I want to know. I should know,” Kate gently insists. “Sebastian, we can’t build any kind of relationship without honesty or not really knowing each other. Please.” She looks at him with so much concern, kindness, and compassion.
“Kate…” He hesitates, his eyes drawn down to the bed. He wants to keep her safe from the truth about his past, but she deserves to know - and to be able to make a decision for herself once she does. Sebastian takes a deep breath. “My family is dead. Every single person. And it’s all because of me.” A tear falls, impossible to hold back. “I was too young to save my parents - only ten years old. But still, I can’t help but believe I could have done something.” He sighs. “It happened so suddenly. It was like any other day. My da and mum - they were in the cellar, reading and studying… No one knew there was a gas leak. It was impossible to detect.” He pauses. “Even today, I still can’t understand how something so mundane could have ended them. They were so intelligent and brave. If I hadn’t been outside playing with Anne… If I had checked in with them sooner instead of getting distracted… Maybe they wouldn’t have died.”
The dam has broken, and Sebastian begins to sob. She pulls him close, holding him tight against her chest and allowing him to cry on her shoulder. She traces a finger along his spine soothingly.
“You can’t possibly blame yourself,” she murmurs. “You couldn’t have helped it…”
“But there’s more. Far more,” he argues.
A few moments later, he pulls away, wiping his face. Everything within him is screaming that he should lie, to keep this sweet, good woman in his life, but he knows he cannot keep the truth to himself any longer. Sebastian’s eyes roam over her face, savoring what might be the final few moments she accepts him.
He holds his fist to his mouth. “I’m not the person you think I am, Kate.” His expression is filled with guilt and grief. “I’m… I’m a criminal.”
Kate shrinks back. With an edge of fear, she whispers, “What?”
Sebastian’s eyes grow watery again. He can already tell - just from the tone of her one word response - that it’s all over. He hangs his head, dejected. “It’s true. When I was in my fifth year at Hogwarts, I used an Unforgivable on my uncle - the killing curse. I… I was arrested and taken to Azkaban.” His throat tightens, and even breathing feels painful.
Kate’s eyes grow wide. Her mind is racing - absolutely racing. “You… you were in Azkaban?!” she asks, pulling the covers tighter to her body. She begins to wonder if she needs to be careful around him, though he never seemed dangerous - not until this moment.
Sebastian nods slowly, a tear slipping out as he sees how frightened Kate becomes. “I understand what you are thinking right now.” He lets out a sigh. “But… I want you to know that I didn’t want to k- kill my uncle. I didn’t mean it. Please, you have to trust me.”
Her jaw drops as she considers a response. Trust him? How can I? What do I even know about curses? She is quickly transported back to Hogwarts, taking notes during one of Professor Hecat’s lectures regarding the Unforgivables. As someone who hates conflict and was always reluctant to participate in duels, Kate was never considered a strong student in Defense Against the Dark Arts, but despite the many years that have now passed, she still remembers her teacher’s words. Kate echoes them: “In order to cast any of the Unforgivables, you have to really mean it…” She trails off. The logical part of her brain warns her that he is a killer and that saying more could potentially jeopardize her safety. At the same time, her heart weeps for the romance lost, the ghost of what could have been already haunting her.
“My uncle tried to kill me, Kate. I didn’t want to use that curse. I didn’t want to bury him. But what else could I have done? I had no choice. Please, you have to understand…”
“Why would your uncle want to kill you?”
Sebastian’s face contorts as he shakes his head miserably, already giving up. He mutters, “It’s a long story, and I don’t imagine you will even care to listen to all of it. I won’t force you; it’s a lost cause, anyway. I know you will never want to see me again after this.” He pauses to see if she will disagree with what he said, but she remains silent. It’s over. It’s already fucking over. “My Uncle Solomon became our guardian when our parents died. Some years later, like I already told you, my sister, Anne, was cursed… and I was trying to find a cure for her because my uncle had completely given up. I was her only hope. So… I… dabbled in Dark magic, trying to fight fire with fire.” His jaw clenches. “My uncle found out I was practicing illegal spells and studying the Dark arts. He accused me of wanting to actually become a Dark wizard. He always hated me, Kate. He… attacked me.” He sniffles. “I swear to you, I was just trying to save my sister, but… I failed. I couldn’t save her or my parents. Not only that, I’m a- a murderer.” His voice breaks, and he averts his wet eyes.
“Honestly, I’m nothing but a monster,” he mutters, grimacing. “You won’t want to associate with me anymore, but… I need you to know that it felt so good to be with you, even for just one night. It really did, Kate. You’re one of a kind. You’re an angel. Caring and good-hearted and witty and funny… and beautiful. So beautiful. You deserve better than to be stuck with me. I’m… not worthy of you. Not at all.”
Kate’s heart feels as though it is crumbling into a million tiny pieces. Her eyes fill with tears. “I really don’t know what to say, Sebastian. You… you didn’t portray yourself accurately when we met. I just thought you were like… anybody else, really. I mean, I don’t usually begin getting to know someone by asking if they’ve murdered someone… I had no reason to believe that about you. I never would have thought you had killed someone and went to Azkaban for it...” Defeated, she stares off into space for a while before continuing. “I don’t know you that well. Maybe not at all. You charmed me into believing that we are… like a destined pair of lovers. Are you… trying to manipulate me somehow? Take advantage of me? Am I a fool?” She closes her eyes, cringing. Sebastian watches a tear smoothly glide down her cheek. “Bloody hell, I never do this. I never take men home! Merlin, I am a fool!” She shamefully buries her face in her hands.
Sebastian fixes his eyes on the floor, the weight of her words looming over him. “You’re not a fool. You were just… kind, not judging me so quickly like everyone else. And it meant everything to me, Kate. Truly.” He carefully places his hand on her shoulder. She flinches, and he draws back, wounded.
“Why… why didn’t you just tell me about your background upfront?”
“Kate, come on. You wouldn’t have given me a chance at all if you knew right away about how terrible my past is. Don’t deny it,” he replies.
Kate nods, acknowledging the truth. She would have immediately dismissed him, had she known.
“I just… wanted a chance to try to build something good for once,” he explains desperately. “I’m lonely. I’m so lonely. I have no one...”
Her vision blurs, and she can taste her own salty tears on her lips. I’m lonely, too…
“Kate… please… is there any way I can earn your trust?”
She wipes her eyes, shaking her head. Almost inaudibly, she murmurs, “I don’t know, Sebastian… I don’t know.”
He lets out a shaky breath.
After a minute of sitting quietly and listening to the birds outside, she finally asks in a neutral tone, “Do you still practice Dark magic?”
“I will not lie to you. Yes. Yes, Kate, I do. I can’t explain it fully to you, but… I need it. I know you may not understand... I try to avoid it, but I need that magic.” I can’t tell her about my job… it’s too classified to share with someone who isn’t committed or close to me. It would endanger her, and me, and the mission. She’s not going to be around much longer anyway. This is a lost cause… just a fucking one-night stand after all… but Merlin help me, I want more… I need her…
“Then I can’t. I can’t be with someone that practices Dark magic. I just can’t. It goes against everything I believe,” she replies. Her throat is burning, more tears threatening to overwhelm her. “I… I don’t want a life like that. I always thought finding love would… feel warm. A- and it did… until… S- Sebastian, I…” her voice breaks as she now starts to weep. “I thought you wanted the same things I do, but… I guess I am wrong.”
Sebastian’s face is twisted with guilt. Softly, he replies, “No, you aren’t wrong, Kate. I want to have a loving family and find genuine happiness, just like you. I do want the same future.” He considers for a moment how he might yet convince her, but he is starting to feel like it’s pointless.
“I am so confused,” Kate admits, wiping at her face and trying to get a grip on the situation. “You had me completely convinced that we were meant to be together. We… had an instant connection. Great conversation. Your sense of humor is like mine, and I’m… I’m so attracted to you. The sex - it was mind-blowing.” She sighs heavily, her gaze pleading. “Is there… is there really nothing I can say to convince you to stop using Dark magic, Sebastian?”
He answers quickly. “Kate, I want to be with you. I swear I wasn’t trying to manipulate you. I share the same feelings. We are meant to be together - I cannot explain it, but I know it’s true. And you know it, too,” Sebastian whispers desperately. “I just… I can’t stop practicing Dark magic. I’m so sorry.” He sighs, his expression already filled with regret. He bows his head, running his hand through his hair. “There’s… nothing you can do. Not unless you’re willing to give this a chance, even knowing what you do.”
Kate nods, looking away. She bites her lip unwittingly until she tastes blood.
Several moments pass, and it is very quiet.
“You a- aren’t really an Auror, are you?” she asks in a shaky voice, needing to know what is true and what is not.
“No, not exactly, but from a certain point of view, perhaps,” he whispered, and then his expression became more serious. “I made a deal with the Ministry - well, I was forced to - in order to stay out of Azkaban. I… can’t tell you much more. I work with Aurors in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, but I am not really one of them. I… never even graduated from Hogwarts. I don’t have the credentials to be an Auror.”
“And you don’t live in Feldcroft either, do you?”
Sebastian shakes his head. “No, I don’t live there. That’s where my uncle lived. It was the last permanent home I had.” His voice trembles as he continues on. “I don’t really even have a home, Kate.”
Her heart aches at the betrayal, yet she still feels pity towards him. “Did you lie about everything?”
“No. I never lied about having a connection with you, Kate.” His tone is genuine. “Merlin, you are the most caring person I’ve ever met, and I hate that you feel like I’ve taken advantage of that - like you can’t trust me. Please believe me: I never lied about my feelings for you, Kate. I just… didn’t have the courage to tell you about my past. I knew it would ruin everything. I think I wanted… maybe I wanted… to just pretend for a while that someone like you might actually care about someone like me.”
Defeatedly, he whispers, “I guess I will never stop paying for what I did when I was a kid. Never. Nothing I do will ever make it better. I’m destined to be punished for the rest of my life. And now I will lose you, the only person who has shown me kindness and given me a chance in many years. I got my hopes up, thinking you could be the-” he stops himself mid-sentence, debating his choice of words and deciding he might as well say it, since he probably will never see Kate again anyway. “I… really believed you might be the one. But now I understand that meeting you was yet another punishment from the gods. I don’t deserve love.”
Kate exhales slowly, weeping because of her own broken heart but also his. “But I really, truly believe we have a connection, Sebastian. I don’t know what it is about you, but there is something there.” A tear falls from her eye. “I respect myself too much, though, to be with someone who lies to me, and I can’t get past the Dark arts. It goes completely against my beliefs and my family’s beliefs.” She sighs in defeat. “I feel sorry for what you have been through, Sebastian, but… I can’t compromise my own moral code.” She gazes at him through puffy eyes. “If… If you were ever to change your mind about Dark magic, maybe we would have a chance...”
Accepting defeat, he murmurs, “I understand.” He moves to stand up from the bed, glancing at Kate once more. “I… I want to thank you. For giving me a chance. No one ever does that. You gave me an opportunity to find some happiness.” He pauses, choking back a sob. “It meant a great deal to me.”
Kate’s expression is full of despair. She blinks back more tears as he puts on his clothing. She knows she should look away, but she can’t bear to do so. Soon, he’ll leave, and she’ll never see him again. “Sebastian, last night was the best date I’ve had in quite some time. It’s hard to admit sometimes, but I’m so lonely. I’m really so lonely here. I wish it didn’t have to be this way. We could have been something. I believe that.”
Kate’s words are yet another harsh blow. Sebastian freezes momentarily. “I’m sorry you feel lonely like that, Kate. I promise I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He sniffles, then pulls his trousers up around his hips. “You have no idea how much I wanted us to be something more. I truly hoped that this would have been the beginning of something wonderful.” Sebastian wandlessly summons the rest of his clothing from the living room. His shirt, vest, socks, and shoes float through the doorway, hovering in the air before him.
It feels strange to have this conversation naked, so Kate awkwardly rises and scurries to the closet to find a robe. It’s quiet as they dress, both of them contemplating the utter misery of the situation and what they should say to each other.
She slowly approaches him as he buttons his vest. “Sebastian, we were supposed to meet. I don’t know why, but I feel it in my bones. If only we had met when we were younger, when life was… less complicated…”
Sebastian musters a sorrowful smile. “Maybe fate will lead our paths to cross again.” He doesn’t really believe it. Heartbreak is the only constant in his life.
Very gently, Kate takes his hands in hers and feels that sensation all over again - the electric one - when his calloused fingers brush against her soft skin. “Maybe.” She sighs, staring at their joined hands. “Sebastian… Your past does not designate all there will ever be for you in your future. And… if someday you willingly let go of the darkness, maybe I would…” she swallows painfully, “...still be here on my own. I… I could be your light, if you ever want to choose me instead. I m- mean… I am the sun princess after all.” She smiles weakly, trying to ease the tension, as she squeezes his hands, her voice breaking.
Sebastian’s eyes grow watery yet again, touched by her words and attempt at humor. “You have such a pure soul, sunshine,” he tells her softly, meeting her smile with a sad one of his own. “I want you to know that you already did me good. In just one night, you gave me a little break from the world I live in. Now I have a reason - a push to get better.”
He lets go of her hands, and Kate reaches out, attempting to take them once more. “Please don’t go, Sebastian… I… I could h-” When he looks at her in disbelief and pity, she stops herself, realizing she sounds desperate. She is embarrassing herself. Her eyes travel to the floor. “I’m sorry,” she whispers regretfully, shaking her head. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“I… I really don’t want to leave you. Not in this way…” Sebastian sighs, still standing in front of her. “I hate this so much.”
They spend a moment quietly gazing upon each other, memorizing the moment, knowing they may never see each other again.
“I wish you w- well,” she chokes out as she walks him out of the bedroom, down the hallway, and then into the living room. Soon, they hover at the front door. “I… I suppose this is goodbye.”
Sebastian’s hand rises to caress her cheek as he looks upon her one last time. “I am so sorry, Kate. I will never forget you and your kindness. My sunshine.” He leans down to kiss her forehead as a sob escapes her. “Please, take care of yourself. You deserve the entire world, love.” He knows that word makes Kate uncomfortable, but it may be his last opportunity to tell her how he feels. Then, he whispers, “Goodbye.”
Sebastian opens the door and gazes at her one final time, his eyes filled with tears of misery, shame, and regret. He steps outside and, just like that, disappears from Kate’s life.
