Its not even society anymore.
(Well, at least I don't think it is.)
It's me.
I am my own worst enemy.
I look in the mirror and dislike what i see. I wanna change things. I know that this is a somewhat natural feeling that most people feel on occasion, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.
I just want to be naturally pretty. I want to wake up, with no make-up, shake my hair a little, and be ready to go.
I can handle the make up bit. It does make me a little sad that I wouldn't even dare to go out without some foundation or eyebrow pencil, but i can accept it because i do enjoy putting on make up. Though, I do fear the day when my other half sees me bare faced, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
For now though, the main problem is that after fiddling and manipulating, i still do not look good. I don't look good at the beginning of my 'beauty' regime, and I don't look good at the end of it either. So whats the point?
I guess i shouldn't say that 'I don't look good' because i suppose looking good is subjective. I can say though, that i don't feel good. I don't even want to do that positive affirmation stuff because i feel like i'm lying. I have an image that i want to portray and i can't seem to portray it. It's not even like the image is super unrealistic, so i'm not quite understanding why I can't seem to reach it.
I just want to hide in my home.
I don't care that the weather's nice. I want to cancel all my plans and stay home.
Better yet, it would be great if i was invisible. That way i could get shit done and not worry about being seen.
