How do I stop comparing myself to others?
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Hi friend :)
First off, thank you for being the first person to send me an ask, and such an important one too!
This is something that everyone struggles with at some point, even the people we compare ourselves to, so I do think it is important to try and figure out a way that we can redirect these thoughts!
I do want to say - not all comparing is always a bad thing, sometimes comparing can be something we do to encourage ourselves to be better, but I do think we need to figure out the difference between what is and isn't effective for ourselves and our psyche, which will be different for everyone. Due to that, I'm mostly going to be focusing on ways we can redirect negative thoughts and whatever resonates with your soul you can take, and everything else you can leave!
I'll be breaking this down into categories as well :)
This is one of the biggest areas where comparison sneaks in, and from a young age too. Our brains are wired to notice differences and patterns, but social media and culture can magnify those differences until they feel like flaws. Of course, this existed long before Instagram, TikTok, or Tumblr - beauty standards have always shifted across time - but social media has made the cycle faster, harder to escape, and changing so quickly it can give you whiplash.
So lets remember a few things:
- What you see online is usually curated, edited, and filtered. You're comparing your everyday self to someones else's best moment.
- Someone else being attractive doesn't mean you aren't. It isn't a competition, it's coexistence. A flower is beautiful, and so its a summer storm, and so is a mountain range. These are all different from each other.
- Instead of solely focusing on appearance, remind yourself of what your body does for you every day: Breathing, carrying you, laughing, creating, resting, being your constant.
- Beauty standards have changed every decade - and that time is getting shorter - this just goes to show that they're not the truth, they're trends. Your body is not a trend. Your face is not a trend.
While I do think we should redirect our thoughts away from social media, I know that this is something that'll be hard to do in this day and age. Therefore here are some body positive accounts you can follow:
@bodypositivesuggestions
@stophatingyourbody
@revolutionaryselflove-blog
@transbodypositivity
Now, those aren't super active accounts so here are other socials:
meganjaynecrabbe - Instagram
mynameisjessamyn - Instagram
thebodypositive - Instagram
stephanieyeboah - Instagram
alokvmenon - Instagram
ellahalikas - Instagram
toocurvytobestraight - Instagram
max_hovey - Instagram
jazzmynejay - Instagram
dextermayfield - Instagram
mina_gerges - Instagram
I tried to make my list as inclusive as I could, if you have anyone you'd like for me to add, on any socials, please feel free to let me know and I'll add them to the list (:
Affirmations:
- My body is mine, my beauty is mine, I am enough exactly as I am
- Every body is valid, every face is valid, I celebrate my own as much as I do others
- Trends change, beauty standards change, my value does not - I am permanent, I am enough
Comparison also shows up within school environments, though grades, awards, scholarships, or how quickly someone seems to "get" something. But here is the thing: Everyone learns different, timelines aren't universal, and it's okay to work at your own pace and not someone elses.
So lets remember a few things:
- Grades don't define intelligence or worth. Test scores and GPAs measure specific skills, and while these skills are useful they're also not always present in every day life.
- Everyone has their own path. Some people excel early and some struggle and thrive later. Some people have a mixed bag of skills and some people thrive in specific fields. All of these are valid.
- Focus on growth. Ask yourself "Am I improving compared to my past self?" rather than "Am I better than them?"
- Celebrate your small wins. Completing an assignment, showing up to class, asking questions, even just bringing your grades up by a few points, are all progress and celebrating these small wins make it easier for you to keep pushing forward.
Affirmations:
- "I am learning at my own pace. My progress is valid, no matter the timeline."
- "Grades and awards do not define my intelligence, creativity, or worth"
- Their path is theirs. My path is mine. Both are enough."
Career / Job Achievements
Promotions, salaries, and recognition are all things I see comparison in, and even something I struggle with myself when it comes to a job setting. It's a competitive market out there, and with that knowledge everyone is wanting to do their best so they feel secure in their job. That being said - it is important to remember that not everyone has the timeline, and success looks different for everyone.
So lets remember a few things:
- Careers aren't races. Just like school, some people excel early and some people excel later one.
- Someones success may come with sacrifices, privilege, or struggles that you don't know about. You don't see someones whole story, just like they don't see yours. Do your best for YOU and not them.
- Define success on your own terms. Stability, creativity, joy, impact, all matter more than arbitrary metrics.
- Small steps matter here too. Every project completed, skill learned, customer helped, or effort made is progress, even if it doesn't look like someone else's achievments.
This is a harder path when it comes to comparison, especially when you're just joining the job force. I will be making a post specifically about joining the job field for the first time in the future, though it'll also be about working food/customer service in general so I'm sure a wide range of people will find it helpful.
Affirmations:
- "My career is my own journey, and every step I take matters"
- "Success looks different for everyone"
- "I celebrate my accomplishments, big or small"
Comparison finds a way to dig it's claws into every aspect of our lives. Whether it's art, gaming, music, crafting, or sports, it's easy to feel like someone else is better, more talented, or like because you aren't at someone else's level that you should "quit". But hobbies aren't meant to be competitions, they're meant to be something that nourishes your soul.
So lets remember a few things:
- Hobbies are for YOU, not anyone else. You don't need to be hte best to enjoy what you love.
- Admire, don't envy. It's okay to be inspired by other peoples works, let that inspire learning and creativity instead of judgment or self criticism.
- Progress over perfection.
- Celebrate effort. The time, energy, and creativity you put into a hobby matters just as much as the skill, if not more so. Let your creative efforts be something you celebrate, and even if you feel like a piece can be improved, let the state it sits in front of you be something you can enjoy as well.
Affirmations:
- "I enjoy my hobbies for the joy they bring"
- "Admiration fuels me, envy does not"
- "My worth is not tied to skill or mastery"