#unlearnandthrive

[unlearnandthrive]

coworker handed me something with a closed hand and said “the cat dropped this”

and i just, immediately took it before asking “what is it?” because… well, i am not someone grossed out by (most) bugs or anything like that

and then i looked down and

✨FORG✨

[unlearnandthrive]

how tf does the patriarchy impact men? that's a system they benefit from. stop shoving men into spaces they dont belong. feminism isnt for them its for women and girls who are have been hurt by them

this is an old ask lol

I'll answer the last half of it before answering the first:

Feminism isn't just for women. There are subsects of feminism that are more centered on women - radical and separationist feminism comes to mind when I think about that - but feminism as a whole is about dismantling patriarchy and gender-based oppression.

That system doesn't only affect women. It was built to privilege men as a class, yes, but it also enforces rigids roles on them, such as what they're allowed to feel, how they're supposed to act, what makes them "real" men etc. Feminism challenges those expectations too.

Saying feminism "isn't for men" misunderstands what it's actually trying to do. It's not about creating a space that excludes men, it's about addressing a system that harms people in different ways depending on how they're positioned within it.

Women and girls are absolutely the primary targets of patriarchal harm, especially trough violence and systemic inequality. That focus matters. However, that doesn't mean men are outside of the conversation entirely, or that they can't benefit from dismantling the same system.

Now to answer how patriarchy impacts men:

It punishes emotional expression. Men are taught (implicitly or otherwise) that vulnerability = weakness, which contributes to isolation and higher rates of untreated mental health issues

It normalizes anger as the only acceptable emotion, which can escalate conflict and harm their relationships.

It pressures men into rigid roles (provider, dominant, stoic, etc) even when those roles don't fit them or actively hurt them.

It discourages seeking help, whether that's therpay, medical care, or even basic support from friends.

It reinforces harmful ideas about masculinity that can push men toward risky behavior or violence to "prove" themselves.

It limits how men can experience closeness. Affection between men is often stigmatized, leading to loneliness.

It contributes to higher suicide rates among men

The stigma around male victims of abuse or assault - especially when the perpetrator is a woman.

It devalues caregiving roles, making it harder for men who want to be nurturing, involved parents or partners.

None of this erases the harm patriarchy does to women. It just shows that dismantling it benefits everyone.

[unlearnandthrive]

Queer History

thank you to @queercreampuffie for asking about learning queer history in countries outside of their own, I think this is a very important thing - and def something I need to do as well - so I am going to expand on the list that I gave them in the comments of a previous post.

Please feel free to comment anything I have missed, especially if you're a non-American.

~

Websites: queerdigital.com <- Catalog of early LGBTQ online communities makinggayhistory.com <- Oral history and interviews with activists lgbtqreligiousarchives.org <- Queer and Faith intersection Global Encyclopedia of LGBTQ history <- Academic reference OutHistory.org <- LGBTQ historical research ilga.org <- Global umbrella federation for queer people unfe.org <- Educational materials about queer rights and history glbthistory.org <- LGBTQ history and education onearchives.org <- LGBTQ history and education gay45.eu <- Queer news queerarchives.org.au <- Australian Queer History nazariyaqfrg.wordpress.com <- Indian Queer Feminism globalqueerheritage.com <- Queer history across different cultures

Documentaries: The Celluloid Closet (1995) <- Queer film history (free on Tubi) Disclosure (2020) <- Trans representation in Media (Netflix) How to Survive A Plague (2012) <- Activism during the AIDs crises (free on Pluto TV and Plex) Paris is Burning (1990) <- (free on Tubi) Before Stonewall (1984)

Books: Queer Natives in Latin America: Forbidden Chapters of Colonial History by Barbara M. Arisi, Estevão Rafaek Fernandos and Fabiano S. Gontijo

Queer Asia: Decolonising and Reimagining Sexuality and Gender by J. Daniel Luther and Jennifer Ung Loh

Queer Vietname: A History of Gender Transgression, 1920-1945 by Richard Quang-Anh Tran

Queering Black Atlantic Religions: Transcorporeality in Candomblé, Santería, and Vodou by Roberto Strongman

Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg

Hijab Butch Blues: A Memoir by Lamya H.

Podcasts: Queer World Podcast Queer as Fact History is Gay Closeted History: LGBTQ+ Stories of the past Making Gay History Podcast

Tips for Your Own Research

Start with a clear focus Region, time period, social, legal, media history, intersectional etc.

Use Primary and Secondary sources Primary: Original documents from the time period Secondary: Analyses by historians or scholars

Local and Global Archives Universities, libraries, LGBTQ community organizations, ILGA, QueerPasts

Academic and Digital Resources JSTOR, Project MUSE, ProQuest, Wikipedia can even be a great starting point just make sure you crosscheck.

Communities and Scholars Contact Local LGBTQ Organizations and follow scholars or activists from your area.

Mix Formats Books, Podcasts, Archives, Documentaries etc.

Research Start broad, then narrow down. Be patient, our history is often hidden. Share findings with others. I even suggest keeping track of your sources - Zotero, Notion, Google Docs etc.

[unlearnandthrive]

Feminism isn’t always bra burnings, protests, or something to be turned into a headline, sometimes it’s in the everyday choices we make.

There are many things we’re able to do today due to feminist in the past - such as get an education, have a job, have our own bank accounts etc.

What is something you do that feels like participating in feminism today? It can be something small or it can be big, I just want to know what my fellow women are doing.

Bonus points if it’s feminism within queer spaces (:

[unlearnandthrive]

Reminder -

✨ if you tie womanhood to the ability to reproduce, you exclude thousands of cisgender women from womanhood

✨ if you tie manhood to the ability to reproduce, you exclude thousands of cisgender men from manhood

Unlearning this matters.

Because when gender is reduced to biology, fertility, or usefulness, the circle always gets smaller - and more people get pushed out.

[unlearnandthrive]

How do I stop comparing myself to others?

(divider credit: 1 2) Hi friend :) First off, thank you for being the first person to send me an ask, and such an important one too!

This is something that everyone struggles with at some point, even the people we compare ourselves to, so I do think it is important to try and figure out a way that we can redirect these thoughts!

I do want to say - not all comparing is always a bad thing, sometimes comparing can be something we do to encourage ourselves to be better, but I do think we need to figure out the difference between what is and isn't effective for ourselves and our psyche, which will be different for everyone. Due to that, I'm mostly going to be focusing on ways we can redirect negative thoughts and whatever resonates with your soul you can take, and everything else you can leave!

I'll be breaking this down into categories as well :)

Appearance

This is one of the biggest areas where comparison sneaks in, and from a young age too. Our brains are wired to notice differences and patterns, but social media and culture can magnify those differences until they feel like flaws. Of course, this existed long before Instagram, TikTok, or Tumblr - beauty standards have always shifted across time - but social media has made the cycle faster, harder to escape, and changing so quickly it can give you whiplash.

So lets remember a few things: - What you see online is usually curated, edited, and filtered. You're comparing your everyday self to someones else's best moment. - Someone else being attractive doesn't mean you aren't. It isn't a competition, it's coexistence. A flower is beautiful, and so its a summer storm, and so is a mountain range. These are all different from each other. - Instead of solely focusing on appearance, remind yourself of what your body does for you every day: Breathing, carrying you, laughing, creating, resting, being your constant. - Beauty standards have changed every decade - and that time is getting shorter - this just goes to show that they're not the truth, they're trends. Your body is not a trend. Your face is not a trend.

While I do think we should redirect our thoughts away from social media, I know that this is something that'll be hard to do in this day and age. Therefore here are some body positive accounts you can follow:

@bodypositivesuggestions @stophatingyourbody @revolutionaryselflove-blog @transbodypositivity Now, those aren't super active accounts so here are other socials: meganjaynecrabbe - Instagram mynameisjessamyn - Instagram thebodypositive - Instagram stephanieyeboah - Instagram alokvmenon - Instagram ellahalikas - Instagram toocurvytobestraight - Instagram max_hovey - Instagram jazzmynejay - Instagram dextermayfield - Instagram mina_gerges - Instagram

I tried to make my list as inclusive as I could, if you have anyone you'd like for me to add, on any socials, please feel free to let me know and I'll add them to the list (:

Affirmations: - My body is mine, my beauty is mine, I am enough exactly as I am - Every body is valid, every face is valid, I celebrate my own as much as I do others - Trends change, beauty standards change, my value does not - I am permanent, I am enough

Academic Achievements

Comparison also shows up within school environments, though grades, awards, scholarships, or how quickly someone seems to "get" something. But here is the thing: Everyone learns different, timelines aren't universal, and it's okay to work at your own pace and not someone elses.

So lets remember a few things: - Grades don't define intelligence or worth. Test scores and GPAs measure specific skills, and while these skills are useful they're also not always present in every day life. - Everyone has their own path. Some people excel early and some struggle and thrive later. Some people have a mixed bag of skills and some people thrive in specific fields. All of these are valid. - Focus on growth. Ask yourself "Am I improving compared to my past self?" rather than "Am I better than them?" - Celebrate your small wins. Completing an assignment, showing up to class, asking questions, even just bringing your grades up by a few points, are all progress and celebrating these small wins make it easier for you to keep pushing forward.

Affirmations: - "I am learning at my own pace. My progress is valid, no matter the timeline." - "Grades and awards do not define my intelligence, creativity, or worth" - Their path is theirs. My path is mine. Both are enough."

Career / Job Achievements

Promotions, salaries, and recognition are all things I see comparison in, and even something I struggle with myself when it comes to a job setting. It's a competitive market out there, and with that knowledge everyone is wanting to do their best so they feel secure in their job. That being said - it is important to remember that not everyone has the timeline, and success looks different for everyone.

So lets remember a few things: - Careers aren't races. Just like school, some people excel early and some people excel later one. - Someones success may come with sacrifices, privilege, or struggles that you don't know about. You don't see someones whole story, just like they don't see yours. Do your best for YOU and not them. - Define success on your own terms. Stability, creativity, joy, impact, all matter more than arbitrary metrics. - Small steps matter here too. Every project completed, skill learned, customer helped, or effort made is progress, even if it doesn't look like someone else's achievments.

This is a harder path when it comes to comparison, especially when you're just joining the job force. I will be making a post specifically about joining the job field for the first time in the future, though it'll also be about working food/customer service in general so I'm sure a wide range of people will find it helpful.

Affirmations: - "My career is my own journey, and every step I take matters" - "Success looks different for everyone" - "I celebrate my accomplishments, big or small"

Interests / Hobbies

Comparison finds a way to dig it's claws into every aspect of our lives. Whether it's art, gaming, music, crafting, or sports, it's easy to feel like someone else is better, more talented, or like because you aren't at someone else's level that you should "quit". But hobbies aren't meant to be competitions, they're meant to be something that nourishes your soul.

So lets remember a few things: - Hobbies are for YOU, not anyone else. You don't need to be hte best to enjoy what you love. - Admire, don't envy. It's okay to be inspired by other peoples works, let that inspire learning and creativity instead of judgment or self criticism. - Progress over perfection. - Celebrate effort. The time, energy, and creativity you put into a hobby matters just as much as the skill, if not more so. Let your creative efforts be something you celebrate, and even if you feel like a piece can be improved, let the state it sits in front of you be something you can enjoy as well.

Affirmations: - "I enjoy my hobbies for the joy they bring" - "Admiration fuels me, envy does not" - "My worth is not tied to skill or mastery"

[unlearnandthrive]

The kudzu remembers every fence, every house, every road, every tree. It just prefers them buried.

[unlearnandthrive]

you’re not less than me just because you hate me, just like I’m not less than you just because you view me as such