UnlearnAndThrive

For the parts of us that survived by shrinking.

[unlearnandthrive]

The disproportionate hostility directed at baristas and similar service workers often reflects a mix of classism, ageism, and biases against industries heavily staffed by women and queer people.

I understand it’s annoying when you work a physically intensive job to see someone who you think isn’t working as hard to complain - but I have noticed how disproportionate this reaction is towards people who work service industry jobs over white collar jobs.

Like hmm… are you actually mad the barista is complaining, or are you mad the barista exists as a person at all?

I dunno.

Reflect on it.

[unlearnandthrive]

I’m collecting enough diagnosis to make alphabet soup and you cannot stop me

[donniehaspronouns]

this might piss some people off but I don’t think some of you actually ever tried to unlearn your hatefulness. you just came out as queer and decided your new targets really truly deserve it this time.

[unlearnandthrive]

The Grocery Store

Divider credit

I started this with a whole discussion with a friend about food and how you can use it to explain attraction / sexuality in simple terms and then ofc I had to share it here. Originally it started with just talking about broccoli as a whole and then I just kept adding onto it.

Originally Strawberry and Broccoli (now Cucumber) did not have anything outside of Broccoli = same sex attraction, Strawberry = opposite sex attraction, but as things do they gained gender presentation overtime. I blame this on the tweet that started this discussion, which ultimately got Cucumber assigned to man.

The grocery store represents society / humanity as a whole. Everyone exists within the store, but not everyone belongs to the same category, aisle, or presentation.

Food = people / gender / identities

Different sections of the store represent social categorization systems.

Strawberries = Women / Feminity

Strawberries represent women or attraction to women / femininity. But strawberries are not one singular experience:

Plain strawberries

Strawberries with sugar

Strawberry cake

Strawberry shampoo

Strawberry perfume

Strawberry tea

Strawberry ice cream

This represents:

Feminine presentation

Aesthetics

Expression

Personality

Relational dynamics

Social role

Emotional flavor

Someone can love strawberries generally while still preferring certain "presentations" of strawberries.

Cucumbers = Men / Masculinity

Originally in my sleep deprived fueled rant to a friend I used broccoli but I replaced that with cucumber due to them having more versatility and contextual expressions.

Cucumbers can be:

Plain

In salads

Cucumber water

Pickles

Cucumber sandwiches

Facials / Skincare

Shampoo

Sushi

This represents:

Masculine presentation

Aesthetics

Expression

Personality

Relational dynamics

Social role

Emotional flavor

Important note: Tajin works on cucumber. Not on broccoli. This is a foundational law of the metaphor universe brought on by my real world prefrences that adjusted this metaphor.

Cookies = Nonbinary People

Cookies are not strawberries or cucumbers.

But they are still food. Still in the grocery store. Still fully part of society / humanity.

Cookies represent identities outside the strict cucumber / strawberry binary.

Some cookies:

Contain strawberries

Contain cucumbers

Contain neither

Change recipes entirely

This represents nonbinary people having varying relationships to:

Femininity

Masculinity

Womanhood

Manhood

Androgyny

Neutrality

Cookies are not "failed strawberries" or "failed cucumber." They are their own category.

Tomatoes = Genderfluid People

Tomatoes are contextual and fluid.

They:

Shift categories depending on framework

Appear in many sections of the store

Transform forms

Remain "tomato" despite changing presentation

Examples:

Produce aisle tomato

Pasta sauce

Ketchup

Salsa

Soup

Sun-dried tomatoes

This represents:

Shifting gender expression

Contextual presentation

Fluid relationships to categorization itself

Tomatoes aren't confused. The categorization system is just context-dependent.

Sexual Orientation

Orientation is represented by which foods someone is naturally drawn toward.

Attraction vs Experience

You do NOT need to consume a food to known whether you're drawn toward it.

A lesbian does not need to date men to know she's not attracted to men. A straight woman does not need to date women to know she's not attracted to women.

Experience:

Confirms

Complicates

Refines

Contextualizes

But does not create orientation from nothing.

Preferences Within Attraction

Someone may like strawberries generally, but specifically prefer:

Strawberry cake

Strawberry shampoo

Ripe Strawberries

Strawberries with sugar

One strawberry at a time

This represents:

Presentation preferences

Aesthetics

Relationship dynamics

Monogamy / Polyamory

Emotional compatibility

Personality types

Likewise with cucumbers in different forms.

Monogamy / Polyamory

One at a time = Monogamy Multiple at a time = Polyamory This can be multiple different kinds at the same time, only introducing multiple in certain dynamics / settings, or any number of the different dynamics under the umbrella term of "non monogamy".

The food itself is not the relationship structure. The serving style is.

Asexuality and Aromanticism

Someone may not strawberries, cucumbers, tomatoes, or cookies.

They may:

Not consume food at all

Only consume food after an emotional connection

Consume food for bonding

Consume food only for reproduction

Enjoy food aesthetically without desire to eat it

^ Asexuality

Not have food on their plate at all

Only have food on their plate after an emotional connection

Have food on their plate for bonding

Enjoy food without desire to have it on their plate

^ Aromanticism

These can overlap in different ways depending on someones sexual and romantic identity.

This separates:

Attraction

Action

Intimacy

Desire

Motivation

Into distinct experiences.

Compulsory Heteorsexuality (Comphet)

Someone naturally drawn to strawberries may spend years trying cucumbers because:

Cucumbers are expected

Socially rewarded

Considered "normal"

Easier to explain

So they keep trying:

Different cucumber preparations

Different relationship styles

Different people

while insisting "Everyone struggles with cucumbers."

Then:

They meet strawberry lovers

Bisexual people confirm both foods can genuinely feel exciting

They realize attraction is supposed to feel natural rather an performative

And eventually "Oh. Maybe cucumbers just aren't my thing."

The Fundamental Rule

People are not obligated to force themselves to consume foods that consistently leave them:

Distressed

Disconnected

Emotionally unfulfilled

Performing attraction rather than feeling it

And if someone spends their entire life staring longingly at another aisle while writing essays about why their current food should theoretically satisfy them...

...It might be time to put the cucumber down.

Now like I said at the start of this post - this started from a tweet I saw and spiraled from there in the middle of the night while running on 0 sleep.

Am I covering everyone and everything? No. Grocery stores are complicated, after all.

Do I think its really funny how I tried to keep the food from being gendered in the start and then they ended up being gendered anyways? Yes

Did that expand into cookies and tomatoes? Yes

Do I find it really funny I assigned cucumbers to men? Yes, the irony isn't lost on me there LMAO

This is just a silly post, it can be expanded on in many ways, the grocery store is expansive.

[unlearnandthrive]

It's Okay To Be Bad At Things

Hobbies are not supposed to be perfect on day one.

I don't know when we collectively decided that if you're not immediately good at something it's not worth doing, but that mindset is the fastest way to suck all the joy out of anything.

You are supposed to be bad at the beginning. That's literally the whole point of being at the beginning.

You didn't learn to walk in a day. You don't pick up a new skill and instantly do it flawlessly.

You wobble. You mess up. You get frustrated. You try again. And somewhere, within that process, you start getting better at it without even realizing it.

People act like: "If I'm not good immediately, I need better tools" "If I struggle, it means I shouldn't be doing this." "If it's not perfect, it's not worth it."

No.

Learning is the point.

You're not supposed to pick up a hobby and already know how to do it. You're supposed to figure it out. You're supposed to make the bad versions first. You're supposed to have a phase where everything is a little off, a little messy, a little "eh, this could be better."

Because that is how you build the skill.

And money does not replace that process!! You can spend hundreds of dollars on the best equipment, the best materials, the "professional" version of whatever it is that you're doing, and if you don't know how to use it, you're still going to get beginner results. Not because you failed, not because the equipment is bad, but because you are a beginner and that is okay and that is beautiful and that is worth something.

Hobbies aren't fun because you're good at them. Hobbies aren't fun because you have the best set up. Hobbies are fun because you're learning, because you get to see yourself improve, because one day something clicks and you realize you're doing better than you were before.

If you skip the learning, you skip the whole experience.

So please - be bad at things. Make the weird, imperfect, not quite right versions. Take the time to figure it out. That's not something to be embarrassed about, that is literally the hobby.

We don't shame toddlers for being bad at walking because they're new to it. So why are we shaming ourselves for being new to something?

[queerautism]

Fellow white people did you know there's this cool youtube hack where you go out of your way to watch videos made by Black people. And suddenly your video recommendations will have loads of cool new channels. And then you realise youtube was literally hiding videos made by Black people from you because they assumed you wouldn't be interested

[unlearnandthrive]

Reblogging this to recommend some creators I like! This is across various genres, but please just check them out!

Kat Blaque

Jade Fox

MacDoesIt

Diamond Stylz

Thee Mademoiselle

Kelly Stamps

Khadija Mbowe

May In Bloom

[weirdtranssexual]

call me crazy but i think public transportation should explicitly also be for actively drunk/high people. so they don’t, you know, drive under the influence.

[queerautism]

Fellow white people did you know there's this cool youtube hack where you go out of your way to watch videos made by Black people. And suddenly your video recommendations will have loads of cool new channels. And then you realise youtube was literally hiding videos made by Black people from you because they assumed you wouldn't be interested

[this-is-trans-joy]

I don’t know if this is an obvious take or a hot take, but I think people need to start re-framing feminism as the fight for body autonomy as opposed to whatever this second wave revival gender essentialist bullshit we have going on right now. Once you reframe it in this way, it’s easier to understand intersectionality and why cis women are not the only people who need feminism. The lack of body autonomy effects cis women, trans people, intersex people, disabled people, poc, homeless people, sex workers, etc. and your feminism needs to include and prioritise all of these groups of people (which will include men btw) because feminism is about autonomy, not about establishing a matriarchy. Body autonomy is the biggest threat to the patriarchy, both with reproductive rights, LGBTQ+ rights, and even the right to not be drafted into military services. Once body autonomy is established for everyone, the patriarchy no longer has a leg to stand on.

And body autonomy does include things that you don’t personally like either. I was prompted to write this post after a series of bad takes from progressives, but one of them was re-hashing the Sabrina Carpenter album cover drama with “I don’t think it’s conservative of me to think that the album cover is a bad look when we’ve seen images of women being abused in this way” because I do actually think you’ve failed to understand feminism by projecting your morals onto a woman who was consensually expressing her own autonomy just because she expressed it in a way that you didn’t like or that made you uncomfortable.

Body autonomy also means unhealthy choices. Body autonomy also means regret rates. Body autonomy also means freedom of sexuality. Body autonomy also means mutilation. If you believe body autonomy has limitations and exceptions, then your feminism is most likely surface level.

TERFs are some of the biggest opponents to body autonomy, and if you find yourself thinking “oh people can do whatever they want with their bodies as long as it doesn’t harm them or make others uncomfortable” then you are far more susceptible to TERF propaganda than you think.

[unlearnandthrive]

My women’s gender and sexuality teacher made this announcement today, and it caused two things to come up inside of me.

First? That fear Im sure a lot of fellow autistic people get that their personal writing is being mistaken for AI generated content, especially when you’re using things like oxford commas and em dashes within papers.

But secondly, and most importantly:

The idea that people are using AI for their school work already sucks, but especially for a humanities class like this where the whole deal is that you are using your personal knowledge and experiences to break down your biases and reflect on the way that the world either reinforces or helps to break down those biases.

I understand that not every class is going to be interesting. I understand that not every class is going to be something you’re good at, or something that you’re passionate about. I understand that sometimes it’s just a class you’re taking because… you need the credit.

I also understand that maybe because it’s something I am passionate about and interested in and it’s the single class I’ve taken that’s revitalized my interest in college and stopped me from dropping out when I was burned out.

But

Maybe we can all just… try?

“Oh but I feed AI my ideas and they make it better!”

Darling if the idea is already there… just write it poorly. Because at least it’s yours.

[unlearnandthrive]

coworker handed me something with a closed hand and said “the cat dropped this”

and i just, immediately took it before asking “what is it?” because… well, i am not someone grossed out by (most) bugs or anything like that

and then i looked down and

✨FORG✨

[unlearnandthrive]

people talk about euthanasia like it’s the worst thing that can happen to an animal. working in a shelter will change how you define "worst."

“worst” isn’t a peaceful end.

“worst” is a dog living in a constant state of stress. pacing, spinning, barking until their voice is gone. shutting down completely or escalating because nothing they do is being understood.

“worst” is untreated pain. medical issues that don’t get addressed in time, or at all. bodies breaking down while people argue over whether it’s “right” to intervene.

“worst” is being returned over and over again. different home, same confusion. new people, new rules, same outcome.

“worst” is fear becoming your baseline. flinching at hands. not knowing what’s expected of you. having to escalate just to get space.

people like to believe euthanasia is something cold and careless. that it’s done by people who don’t care enough to try.

that’s not the reality i live in.

the reality is holding an animal still and gently. making sure they’re not alone. talking to them, even if they don’t understand the words. making sure the last thing they feel isn’t fear.

the reality is making a decision when there aren’t good options. when space is limited, resources are limited, and time is limited.

you cannot save every animal. you can only decide how much suffering you’re willing to let happen in the name of “trying.”

there are fates worse than euthanasia. and pretending otherwise doesn’t protect animals—it just makes those fates more common.

the goal isn’t to save every animal. the goal is to reduce suffering.

sometimes those are the same thing. sometimes they aren’t.

[unlearnandthrive]

i don’t believe in god i believe in controlled introductions and leash pressure

[unlearnandthrive]

how tf does the patriarchy impact men? that's a system they benefit from. stop shoving men into spaces they dont belong. feminism isnt for them its for women and girls who are have been hurt by them

this is an old ask lol

I'll answer the last half of it before answering the first:

Feminism isn't just for women. There are subsects of feminism that are more centered on women - radical and separationist feminism comes to mind when I think about that - but feminism as a whole is about dismantling patriarchy and gender-based oppression.

That system doesn't only affect women. It was built to privilege men as a class, yes, but it also enforces rigids roles on them, such as what they're allowed to feel, how they're supposed to act, what makes them "real" men etc. Feminism challenges those expectations too.

Saying feminism "isn't for men" misunderstands what it's actually trying to do. It's not about creating a space that excludes men, it's about addressing a system that harms people in different ways depending on how they're positioned within it.

Women and girls are absolutely the primary targets of patriarchal harm, especially trough violence and systemic inequality. That focus matters. However, that doesn't mean men are outside of the conversation entirely, or that they can't benefit from dismantling the same system.

Now to answer how patriarchy impacts men:

It punishes emotional expression. Men are taught (implicitly or otherwise) that vulnerability = weakness, which contributes to isolation and higher rates of untreated mental health issues

It normalizes anger as the only acceptable emotion, which can escalate conflict and harm their relationships.

It pressures men into rigid roles (provider, dominant, stoic, etc) even when those roles don't fit them or actively hurt them.

It discourages seeking help, whether that's therpay, medical care, or even basic support from friends.

It reinforces harmful ideas about masculinity that can push men toward risky behavior or violence to "prove" themselves.

It limits how men can experience closeness. Affection between men is often stigmatized, leading to loneliness.

It contributes to higher suicide rates among men

The stigma around male victims of abuse or assault - especially when the perpetrator is a woman.

It devalues caregiving roles, making it harder for men who want to be nurturing, involved parents or partners.

None of this erases the harm patriarchy does to women. It just shows that dismantling it benefits everyone.

[unlearnandthrive]

this is wrong

largest spoon I’ve ever seen in my life 

[unlearnandthrive]

For my people w/ body hair

esp underarm hair

I don’t shave. I find it ultimately useless, and figure if we weren’t meant to have it, not every single person would have it.

However that being said -

Sometimes! It is not enough for you to just hit your underarms with some body wash, and just call it a day.

Especially if you’re a depressed goblin like myself and the only energy you had was to put some deodorant on and move on with your day for two weeks straight.

When youre finally in that shower - take some shampoo and wash the hair on your pits like you would the hair on your head. You gotta get the buildup off before you add more on, so the deodorant can do its job better and so that the hair can do its job better, because yes it does have a job as well.

You don’t even have to get more shampoo out, just use what’s still on your hands after shampooing your head, and give your armpits a quick scrub with it. Like actually get in there, between the hairs, sometimes i’ll even just grab little sections and rub it. You can even use a washcloth if thats better, just rub your soapy hands on the washcloth first then your underarms.

This helps to break up any buildup of the deodorant a lot better than your body wash will, but also it helps to break down the oils that stick to the hair better than your body wash will.

This doesn’t have to be every shower, just when you notice some buildup or smells sticking around.

[unlearnandthrive]

just gonna turn this blog into a personal one bc

fuck it it’s tumblr who gives a shit