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Remind Me To Forget
Author: @unproductivepeanut
Rating: T
Status: WIP
Word Count: 203,613
Summary: Blaine's moved on from Sadie Hawkins. He's fine; it was years ago.But it seems that the past isn't done with Blaine.
Tropes/Genre: angst, blangst, AU, PTSD, hurt/comfort, romance
Lynne’s review: I’m really enjoying this story - it’s obviously blangsty af, but their love is amazing.
Read at: AO3
clearascountryair replied to your post “that fic research feel when you start going on actual university...”
I FEEL THIS SO HARD. It's so frustrating, especially when I'm writing period pieces. My Victorian AU is temporarily on hold because some train things don't quite work with the plot and it's STRESSING ME OUT
Hey, I’ve been looking up train things too! Schedules and stuff, where stations are, etc. Not Victorian things, thank goodness, because I think that would kill me so I definitely appreciate your pain. I’m currently bothered because my fic requires at least one train ride but it would be easier to just...drive the distance in the car...because getting on the train requires driving about 8 miles in the opposite direction I need to go just to get on said train. But I think I can come up with a good excuse for it. I think.
agent-85 replied to your post “that fic research feel when you start going on actual university...”
I feel this.
GOTTA HAVE THOSE ACCURATE DETAILS.
unproductivepeanut replied to your post “that fic research feel when you start going on actual university...”
I went on Google Maps to find places for characters in mine, and then also looked up the names of doctors, vets, etc in the area...
Oh I have been on Rightmove looking up flats once I got my median salaries locked down and figured out how much they could swing a month on rent. Then I got on Google Maps to find a suitable public place for a Major Plot Event to happen because I’m going to have to refer to the area by name, and I’m going to be back on Google Maps soon because I’ll need to reference landmarks around the city. Fortunately for me, I love looking at real estate and maps. :D :D
(Currently mired down in how UK academic staff ranking works)
How are you surviving your PhD? I'm living off coffee and stress, I think.
hahaha oh man
OK, thing one is that I am ridiculously stubborn. Thing two is that I actually have excellent academic advisors who care about me as a human being and not just as a Producer of Research. Thing three, the Dutch PhD system treats you as more like an independent researcher and less like a student, and while that does involve some degree of giving you enough rope to hang yourself, it meant I didn’t have to put up with bullshit classes I didn’t care about, for example.
And honestly, it’s completely possible that I would be a happier and mentally healthier person if I’d quit in my second year when my first local supervisor left and I started having to deal with the Awful Boss I have complained about prolifically......but see thing one.
But okay with the massive caveat that I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, some things I have learned in the last 5 years...
1. If you think something is up with your brain, get that sorted as best you can. I spent probably two years being way more miserable and less productive than I could have been because I didn’t want to deal with getting antidepressants in Mali. Getting better antidepressants, once I was back in the first world, made things even better, and getting ADHD meds likewise. I’m not sure if you’re from the US? but for me a big barrier was “if I get a diagnosis and prescriptions that will fuck me over for insurance forever” which is less of a thing with the ACA (so long as it keeps existing) but still a thing. I still think it’s worth it to do the thing and talk to the damn doctors and deal with the bullshit, but yeah, I recognize that it’s definitely a lot of bullshit.
2. Figure out some way to organize your shit. 2a. Get a citation manager thing (I use Mendeley, I’ve heard good things about Papers, Zotero is open source, EndNote is The Standard I guess but expensive) and use it. Try to tag things in some way that lets you find “that one paper I read about the thing” two years from now when you’re writing. Maybe make a couple notes as you go along. You’re not going to remember what you read now when you’re writing your thesis, so try to give future-you as many clues as possible.2b. Not sure what field you’re in, but if you have data, keep it organized somehow that will still make sense later. I was not very good at this and keep having to go through 4 excel spreadsheets like “okay which one is the actual soils data?” and it’s very irritating. It’s tempting to throw this out the window when you’re on a deadline. That’s why my shit is a mess. But learn from my mistakes: if at all possible, take time to do the thing right, because even if you don’t think you’ll have to go back to it, you probably will. Especially if it’s terribly organized.2c. You might have things on paper? I tried not to because of moving a lot, but what I did need to carry around I kept in one of those accordion file things with different tabs. Basically don’t be like my dad and create a desk that has its own stratigraphy which archeologists could use to date coffee cup rings. Although, it works for him, so idk.
3. Back up your shit.
No really. Back. Up. Your. Shit. I spilled water on my laptop in the last semester of my MSc program, and the thing that saved my life was that I had fairly regular Time Machine backups of my entire hard drive, and everything really important was on Dropbox. Which is absolutely worth the $100/year I spend on it. Both for backing shit up, and because it lets you restore old versions of things. (plus I could use it to double-check a file from my phone in a village with no power and 50 km from a paved road. Because the cell network in Africa is fucking impressive)
4. Do something with your body that isn’t “sitting at your desk” or “fieldwork” or “bending over test tubes doing fiddly shit with tweezers” (aka why I Can Not Even with labwork). Go for a walk. Do some yoga. Jump up and down and scream. Whatever. I suck at this, but it honestly makes me feel better, which annoys me because it means I have to keep dragging my ass out of bed to do the thing.
5. Do less. Trust me, I know this is super hard. You want to Do Your Best and be impressive, and your advisors want you to live up to your potential or whatever, and there’s always that one guy/girl who takes 17 classes and never sleeps and is the winner of the Most Stressed contest and makes you feel like a slacker. Well, you’re probably going to feel like a slacker regardless, so you might as well actually, y’know, slack off a little bit. Take fewer classes. Take breaks. Get some sleep. Eat a vegetable. This is worth fighting for. Both fighting your own brain and also anyone who gives you shit for it. Yes, including your advisors.
6. Find allies and use them. For me this meant talking to my academic advisors about my asshole local supervisor, after which my major professor came down a day early for a site visit and threw his weight around trying to get people to treat me less like shit. It kind of worked. And it definitely helped to know that someone was on my side. A friend of mine had to switch advisors because she just could not get along with hers. It’s hard, but it’s possible. Find someone on your thesis committee or whatever who has your back, and lean on them. Find other students who aren’t playing dumb one-upsmanship games of who has it worse and support each other however you can. And/or make some friends who you don’t work with, I hear that’s possible. “Hey, you wanna go get lunch?” can be a lifesaver. Was for me sometimes.
7. This is your real life. “Real life” is not some mystical thing that starts when you get a “real job” someday. It’s all real life. Don’t just white-knuckle through in hopes you’ll finish before you lose your grip because you want to get past this to the real life part. You’re living your real life. It’s all real life.
8. Honestly, at this point I’m kind of at “it takes as long as it takes,” because I’ve found that pushing myself too hard just backfires in all kinds of ways. So idk if that’s actual good advice, but it’s turning out to be the only way I can get through this last stretch.
9. What you’re doing is fucking hard. Let it be fucking hard, by which I mean don’t tell yourself it shouldn’t be that bad or you shouldn’t be stressed or that you’re just complaining and probably it’s not even that hard you’re just whiney. It’s hard. So make other things easier where you can. I survived 2016 largely on frozen pizza and fish sticks and cafeteria food. Not ideal, but you do what you’ve gotta do.
10. One day at a time. And when that’s too much, one breath at a time. Inhale. Exhale.
Bonus:
Breathe in strength, breathe out bullshit.
I want my friends to know that I’m thinking about them, even when we don’t speak for months because of our busy lives and schedules that don’t fit. I want them to know that even taking care of a baby and working full time, I still scroll facebook and tumblr and like their posts, even when I don’t hit the button for it. I do still see you. I do still think of you. I do still care about you. You are not forgotten or replaced or unwanted. And I’m here if you need to shoot me a text or a facebook message or a phone call. Whatever it is - even if you forget this when you’re feeling down - I’m still here for you.
@unproductivepeanut What's a shooter size? @prettyinsoulpunk Always happy to remind you of these things. :)
I just want you to know that your comment made my day, which was needed after the amount of work that just fell in my lap ;)
!! I'm glad I could help make your day a bit better! That chapter was so so good! And the story in general honestly, it has stayed with me 🖤🖤
Hope work eases up a bit! Take a break when you can!
I'll reply on AO3 when my computer stops freaking out, but I wanted to let you know that 1. I'm sorry I made you cry (mostly) and 2. Your comments always make my day. I'm glad we can bond over how awful Phum's parents are, though. Sending you all the virtual hugs!
Oh hi! You do not have to be sorry about making me cry with your beautiful writing do not worry. And I'm so so happy you like my comments 🥺 it's the least I can do when I have the honor of reading your story 🫡
We all should bond about the murderous rage Phum's parents inspire, you are right!
🫂 sending you a big hug right back!! Thank you!!! 🖤🖤
unproductivepeanut replied to your post: i need a movie or a new show to watch. i’m not in...
There’s always Leverage :)
I’ve never watched this before. I’ve never even thought about watching it. Thanks!
