#useless fluff

[tarantulas4davey]

bouncin’ off the walls (floatin’ on air)

slow dancing and sweet nothings.

aka. i write nothing but useless fluff based on country love songs when i’m bored so have Whatever This Is. it’s not good but i love it so 🤷

read on ao3

[scribbleb-red]

Unsolicited Duck Pics - a morning andreil AU

AU in which Neil's number gets shared by a disgruntled Raven fan on a hookup app. He keeps being asked to send dick pics. 

 He deletes them all until one mistypes and asks for a "duck pic". 

Neil responds with a duck emoji 🦆

The stranger isn’t amused but Neil finds himself hilarious.

And of course, Neil is a troll by nature so obviously he starts sending ducks to Andrew. 

Andrew frowns and replies: wtf. 

Neil types: unsolicited duck pics or it didnt hapn 

Andrew: that's not how this works 

Neil: 🦆🦆🦆

Andrew: 🦆🔪🍽️

Neil: u wanna eat my duck

Andrew: ... 

Andrew: always 

Neil: c u next wknd? 

Andrew: 🦆🦆🦆

And that is the story of how Andrew and Neil started sending each other ducks in order to get the other hot and bothered. The end.

[kaylabcrazy]

Team voltron returns to earth headcannons

-they invite coran and allura because ofc they do. The alteans are family.

-lances mom instanty falls in love with allura and adopts her right away.

-mama mcclain calls allura meja and it confuses the fuck out of allura bc she doesnt know what it means, but its said so nicely and with a tone she hasnt heard since she broke her fathers memory thingy so she doesnt ask about it

-after mama mcclain gets over the fact that her son is home from fighting an intergalactic war she imediately calls all of her freinds and gushes over her new child. Who she describes as ‘beautiful and strong, just like i was at that age’.

-mr. Holt and coran had started a friendship after team voltron had found him and matt in space. So when they get back sam immediately starts trying to teach the alien how to use earth tech.

-pidge joins in after she walks in on them in her familys computer room.

-matt films the hilarity that insues.

-‘what do you mean you cant send thought commands? You have to type EVERYTHING?!

-hunks moms take keith under their wings after hunk goes out to keiths shack and drags him to meet them.

-they call him their little gay protoge.

-lance and pidge teach coran how to use the internet.

-coran teaches allura.

-a few weeks later shiro has to explain pornhub to a distressed allura.

-lance teaches allura how to hide her facial markings with concealer so she can go outside without attracting so much attention.

-he takes her out to the beach to try the food and mingle.

-his childhood friends immediately freak out because not only did lance finally come home, but he came back with a super hot girlfriend.

-lance awkwardly tries to explain that allura wasnt his girlfriend. Allura helps him out by stepping in to say that she wasnt his lover but his commanding officer.

-this confuses tf out of the earthlings who have no idea where lance had been. But allura leaves it at that and drags lance away to go try the icecream he had told her about.

-keith finally gets his hoverbike tuned back up and insists on teaching the aliens how to drive just incase of an emergency.

-coran takes to it immediately, claiming that the controls were similar to the vehicles driven in illegal races back on altea.

-allura, being the princess, had never been allowed to drive at the races coran had drug her to when he was meant to be babysitting her. So it took her a bit longer to learn.

-'why wont this thing do what i tell it to? Ive had my hands on the control modules for ten minutes and ive done every command i could think of but it wont move?!’

-'uuh princess? You cant just think at it. Its not the castle…’

-lance finally manages to wrangle keith away from hunks moms so he can introduce him to his own family.

-mama mcclain immediately starts mother henning him because 'mijo! He is so pale and thin! I have tortillas and frijos in the kitchen. Come! I make papas con pollos!’

-after an hour keith tries desparately to get away but there is no escape from the determined hispanic mother.

[greatghuleh]

i don't know what if dorian & bull had an anniversary?

Dorian places a small package in the Bull's lap.  It's wrapped neatly in a soft white fabric with a simple pink string knotted at the top keeping it together.  

The Bull sets his waterskin down.  "What's this?"

The mage is obviously a little nervous about his gift.  His stance tense and hands held behind his back to keep his distance despite the soft smile on his lips.  He leans down and places a quick kiss to the Bull's cheek. 

"I remembered you enjoying those chocolates at the Winter Palace."

The Bull's eye goes large as he looks down at the box.  "You didn't."

Dorian's smile threatens to widen as he watches the Bull's excited response. His shoulders loosen and he quirks his head to the side.  "Would I tease your insatiable sweet tooth?  Open it and see."

The Bull touches his gift, his fingers gentle against the delicate wrappings.  He's almost hesitant to open it even for the treats held inside.  "What's it for?"

This sends a flush to Dorian's cheeks as he clears his throat and looks at his feet.  "Must there be a reason?"  The Bull looks up at him and it prompts Dorian to clear his throat again.  "Fine.  The custom may not mean anything to you, being a Qunari, but in Tevinter we... we commemorate anniversaries with gifts."

"Anniversary of what?"

"Of us," Dorian says quietly.  He sits down next to the Bull to keep himself from shifting from foot to foot.   "A year.  It's been a year since we met.  Since the first time we laid eyes on each other."

"And I called you the worst."

"Also pretty.  Don't forget that part."  

The Bull chuckles and nudges Dorian with his shoulder.  "Never."  Their tones are light but the Bull doesn't miss the meaning behind Dorian's gift and words. He frowns momentarily.  "I didn't know -- I didn't get you anything."

Dorian taps the top of the box cradled on the Bull's lap.  "Please. Open it, I want to feed you chocolates then have my way with you."

The Bull smirks and pulls the two ends of the knot with his fingers and it comes undone smoothly.  "Should have known this was a bribe."

Dorian snorts then he kisses the Bull's shoulder, watching as the Bull pulls back the fabric wrapping to reveal a gold colored box.  It twinkles and shines under the room's light.  The Bull pulls the top off and Dorian reaches in and takes one of the neatly laid out candies.  Between his thumb and forefinger he lifts it to the Bull's lips with a deliberate slowness.  

The Bull doesn't watch the journey of the chocolate but instead he watches Dorian's face.  Dorian's eyes were on the Bull's mouth as he opens it.  He could easily take the treat in one bite. He could take a few of them in one bite.  But he intentionally bites gently down half way through it, his lips slipping across Dorian's fingers as he does so.  He keeps it there near the Bull's mouth until the Bull takes the rest of it.  Dorian's fingers sliding against the Bull's tongue and lips.  

"Mmm," The Bull rumbles, grinning at Dorian as he chews the chocolate.  "I think it needs something though."

"What would that be?" Dorian asks. 

The Bull leans over to kiss Dorian, licking across Dorian's lips.  Dorian sighs against him, deepening the kiss, and tastes the chocolate on the Bull's tongue. The Bull moves the box off his lap so he doesn't squish or spill it as he turns to press closer to Dorian, pulling him into his lap instead.  

"Happy anniversary, you oaf," Dorian presses his forehead against the Bull's.

The Bull runs fingers across Dorian's cheek.  "Love you too, kadan."

[cyberphuck]

Puppetry

sabrastuff for sabra since sabra is sabra sabra sabra sabra.

sabra.

He makes my words work. No one else can.

He puts his mouth to mine, spills his words into me. He has plenty to spare. That isn't enough; what he's given me is soft and unrefined, and they stick silently in my throat. His mouth again, on my shoulder, on my belly. His hands, calloused in odd places, warm on my skin, make my back arch sharply, nearly enough. 

His weight on me, insistent, pressing my breath out of me and then letting it rush back in. He pins me and the tension that whips through me lets the beginning of a familiar sound spill from my lips. He smiles. Almost. Almost enough.

Slowly, gently, he helps me speak out all the useless ends of sounds that I won't need, all the breathy noises that are pushed out as what he's giving me crowds in, until finally I am left with only what I need to say.

He withdraws from me, exhausted from his work, looking down at me with his face framed by long dark hair. I open my mouth to show him what he's helped me make, the magic riding on my tongue.

Laughing, he kisses it away before I can speak it.

[tiberiussmirk]

This was created off a headcanon johngrimmm posted forever ago about morning kisses.

McKirk, Happy New Year~

Alpha shift was beginning; crew members were sleepily exchanging posts for beds; the Enterprise was still cruising in the sky. Leonard refused to open his eyes. There was a certain blond captain, jostling the bed, poking his side, and valiantly trying to keep him from smothering himself in the mattress but he still wouldn't open his eyes.  "Bones," an all too familiar voice whined on the other side of the pillow smashed over the back of Leonard's head, "one kiss. I need my kiss before I go be captain. C'mon, it's our thing." Nothing Jim was saying was wrong, but Leonard was too busy trying to get back to sleep to listen. The habit began their second year at the academy with an absent minded Leonard leaning over the bed for a kiss to shut up his best friend's groaning that he was leaving him the morning after their first night together. Ever since, they've never parted without a quick peck at the least. Leonard wasn't trying to demolish the habit but for the first time since becoming CMO and captain respectively they had different shifts. Bones was on Beta, Jim on Alpha. (And Leonard ensures Jim remembers whose fault it is they got separated for for pissing off the First Officer by taunting him about his love life.) That meant the ever irresponsible captain made sure to leave the doctor hot and bothered before leaving him in a room alone for the several hours before Beta. It'd been like that all week and Len wasn't getting pulled in, not today. "F'ck 'ff. M'sle'p," the CMO mumbled through the layers of linen and comfort. Maybe Jim would leave so he could actually sleep before shift one day this week. It was unflattering for him to look like a med student again simple because his boyfriend had to leave an impression when he left in the morning. Well, as close to morning as they can get in space. Abruptly the muffled griping from Kirk ceased and the hands that'd been struggling to rip the pillow from the brunet started petting Len's flanks. It was a nice feeling, but the Georgian would forever deny arching into the sensation. "Hey, look, no funny business. I just- I've never left without it before. I promise I'll restrain myself." It sounded too good to be true, but the sincerity rang clear in every word. He didn't want Jim to start his day thinking they were fighting or he'd done something wrong. Taking no precaution, Leonard finally removed the pillow, blindly reaching a hand out to yank Jim down with his hand settled firmly on the nape of his neck. "'Course, darlin'. Love you, kay? Don't get us all killed." Eyes still closed, Bones smacked a kiss on the blond's lips. He missed Jim's fond expression but could feel the small smile pressed against his own lips. "Yeah, I love you too. Don't forget to go to sickbay for Beta, baby. Chapel'll laugh her ass off at you if you're late." The simple waving off was all Bones was capable of in his basically half asleep state. He heard a chuckle and felt Jim ruffle his hair before he was gone from their room. Alpha shift was just beginning. Bodies were moving all over the shift. But the CMO laid in bed, face pressed into his lover's pillow and a content smile spread across his face. Their morning kisses might be the only way to properly start a day.