Dandelions
Kakashi Hatake X FReader
Word count: 1,845
A/N: yeah this was inspired by ruth b's song dandelions mehehe
Summary: Loving Kakashi Hatake from afar
A genius. A skilled shinobi. The renowned copy ninja. The Sixth Hokage.
But that wasn't all he was to you.
In the ruthless world of shinobis, he was your strength, he was what kept you going, he was your peace, the warmth in a cold winter night, the glow of the sun after a storm, the serene blue skies, the soothing lullabies, the man you've always loved, even if it was from afar.
But you were content. For you, it was enough.
As you lay down here, the red of your blood staining the white field of dandelion, while you are mere moment's away from death's embrace, all you can think about is him.
Will you really be able to die without regrets?
You tried to convince yourself, yes. That the life you've lived was enough. The stolen glances, the fortuitous touches, they were enough right? They had to be. You couldn't ask for more. But your heart feels otherwise.
While images of him graced your memory, you wondered if anything would have changed if you had the courage to tell him? If only you were brave enough to confess your love. But no. You were a coward who only stood by the side. And as much as you didn't want to, you were filled with regret. If only. But it's too late now, isn't it?
The first time you laid eyes on Kakashi was back at the academy. You were amazed by his skills even if he was only as young as you. From that moment on, your first crush bloomed. And as years passed by, your admiration, your adoration for him grew deeper. You weren't old enough to be sure of how you felt but you knew that that little crush you had for him blossomed into love. But you didn't make any step forward. You just watched from the sidelines. You watched how he, the cool but aloof genius, has slowly bonded with his team. You watched how he and Rin became closer. You watched how Rin was always by his side, the place you've dreamed to be in. You watched how they stared into each other's eyes. And you just stood there, with a broken heart. But a tragedy befell on Kakashi's team, he lost Obito, he lost Rin. This time, you decided to reach out. But he's already built walls. He wouldn't let you in. A few years later, the Nine Tails went on a rampage, destroying Konoha and killing thousands of villagers including your own parents. It broke you. But that night, Kakashi also lost the only living memory of his joyful days in Team 7. The Fourth Hokage gave his life to save Konoha and Kakashi lost his teacher. And you watched as the only light in Kakashi's life disappeared. You were mourning but oh how you desperately wanted to hug him, to embrace him, to tell him that he wasn't alone. That you were there, will always be there and won't go anywhere. But you couldn't. So you just stood there and watched how darkness crept into Kakashi's heart. He then joined the Anbu. Tales of the coldness of his sharingan stares before mercilessly killing the enemy reached your ears. Your heart broke for Kakashi. You didn't want him to feel alone. And so you followed his path, you joined the Anbu. You were assigned to his team and saw it within your own eyes. Kakashi's eyes were lifeless, they were empty. And he cruelly ended lives as if they meant nothing. Your heart clenched. How can you save Kakashi? You want to pull him out in the sea of despair. He was drowning. Oh how you've desperately tried to reach out for him. But the walls he built were unyielding. Still, you didn't give up. You stayed. You stayed beside him. Even if he won't look at you. But that was alright. You love him and you want to save him. So, you stayed. A few years passed, and you watched as Kakashi pulled himself out from the sea of despair. You watched as the darkness in his life slowly faded. You watched how brightness entered his life again. Like the sun peaking between the gloomy clouds after the rain hardly poured. And you were happy for him. You were happy you didn't give up. You were happy you stayed. He met and bonded with a lot of people in the Anbu like Yugao, Yamato and the others. And you were happy to see him smile again. But you didn't take any step forward. As usual, you just stayed there, and watched. The Third Hokage then offered Kakashi a job. He wants him to mentor kids from the academy but this means he had to leave the Anbu. Maybe the change of environment will do good to Kakashi, that's what you thought. And so you supported him. You wished the captain well because this time you cannot be beside him anymore. You watched him leave as you stayed behind the Anbu. You really wanted to go with him but there was no place for you beside him.
Time went by and you heard how Kakashi was doing fine as a mentor. While walking the busy streets of Konoha on your day off, the boisterous laugh of a blonde haired boy with a flashy orange suit caught your attention, beside him was a pink haired girl and a raven haired boy who wore the insignia of the infamous Uchica clan. With them was someone you hadn't seen for a long time. He still wears his mask but you can tell that he was smiling. He was smiling gently again. And you were happy for him. You were happy that he's found a reason to smile again. You wished you could approach him. Ask him how he was and catch up, but you didn't. You realized you shouldn't intervene. So you just stood there and watched. But you were content, his smile was your saving grace.
After that, you barely see Kakashi since the assignment for the Anbus kept you busy and you know that he was also occupied. You really wished you could see him again. While on patrol, you were blessed because you saw him but he was with someone else. He was with a beautiful woman. Her dark hair flowed like satin and her hazel orbs, honey molten and sweetly staring soft appeals. Jealousy strikes your heart and you look away. Then there was a loud crash, you heard one of his students apologize for interrupting his date, you looked again and you saw it, Kakashi's lips on hers. Your heart shattered to pieces. And you left. Kakashi was bound to fall in love with someone, too bad it wasn't you.
Years passed and you heard that Yamato was being transferred and that he was to replace Kakashi, your heart filled with worry. Did something happen to Kakashi? You asked. You were told that Kakashi overexerted his sharingan and needed a break. You immediately went out your way to see him. After all these years, you never stopped loving him. Landing on the branch of the big tree outside the hospital, you saw him by the window. He was sleeping peacefully. You were happy to know he was safe. You wished you could caress him. But you couldn't. So you just stood there and watched.
Then the Fourth Shinobi War came. The Anbus were assigned to different positions. As you fought with your life, thoughts of Kakashi filled your head. He was strong. He was skilled. But you prayed he was safe. You prayed for no harm to come to him. And your prayers were heard.
The Fourth Shinobi War ended and the adversaries were vanquished. With news of the Fifth Hokage's retirement, rumors spread that Kakashi was the next in line. He really was exceptional after all. And that was when you saw him again, when the Anbus reported to the new Hokage. He emitted such an honorable aura with his cap and cape on. And your admiration for him further ignited. But your heart felt saddened, now he's become more unreachable. After you finished paying respects to the new Sixth Hokage, you were about to leave when he suddenly called you,
'It's good to see you Y/N', you turned around and smiled at him, 'Likewise, Sixth Hokage', then bowed and left.
You really wanted to stay a little longer. But you couldn't. There was no place for you by his side. That's how it has always been. Your heart broke again as you left.
It has been a month since Kakashi became the Sixth Hokage. After the Fourth Shinobi War, there have been lesser violence. And you thought your fighting days would be over. Since there were no missions or assignments to do, you took the day off. You went to the outskirts of town to unwind. In this peaceful field of dandelion you took a breath of relief. You let your guard down and didn't sense when someone came to you from behind and stabbed you.
'This is for my husband… Do you remember? That night in the Land of Sand? You slit his throat in front of me? Because I...will never forget you, I will never forget your face when my husband fought with his last breath to remove your mask', she whispered in your ears.
His husband was a traitor. You came to end him. You didn't know she was there. Was she perhaps hiding somewhere? She took the knife out, blood flowing wild from the hole it left and within seconds you felt her slit your throat. She was able to avenge her husband as you laid there breathing for your last moments.
In this field of pure white dandelions, your blood stained it red. There were many things you regretted in this life. But what you regretted the most was not being able to tell Kakashi you loved him.
Dandelion, into the wind you go. Won't you let him know?
—
'Y/N?', you heard a voice called.
You slowly fluttered your eyes open.
Ashen hair with a gentle look on his eyes.
'Am I dead?', you weakly mumbled.
'No and I won't allow that', he lovingly smiled at you.
'Kakashi?', you asked, now fully conscious. 'I thought I was dead', you said, propping yourself to sit.
'Careful Y/N, you may hurt yourself', he gently stopped you. 'You were about to, you know. You were so close. Thankfully someone saw you and immediately brought you here. I really have to thank Sakura for keeping you alive.
I can't lose you', he cooed softly, smiling at you with tears welling in his eyes.
His words filled your heart with warmth as he pulled you to his embrace.
You were given a second chance and this time, you'll make sure to have no regrets.
'Kakashi… I have always loved you.'
He gently caressed your cheeks and looked at you lovingly. 'Took you long enough', he smiled tenderly.
