I just wanted to let this out a bit, for those who struggle with themselves and wonder whether or not they're making it up. Because, as someone who's been aro/ace most of my life, the sound of it is real enough, but you know - it can be tough explaining it. Very few understand and sometimes you think you're just overreacting.
I made a post recently, telling you that my feelings and therefore my orientation have changed. Still same spectrum, but that's irrelevant here. Just understand that I went from averse/sometimes neutral (in both my romantic and sexual orientation) to neutral/positive.
It's been a little over a week, and the change was immediate.
Even around people who know me, it was hard explaining the qpr thing. While I knew my fiancè is demi (this caused no issue at all between us, btw. We communicate really well), to outsiders, it's near impossible to get the complexity of such feelings/relationships across.
There is always that underlining question in their eyes. Even if never/rarely asked, it is there. There is a wonder in their eyes, a confusion that you can't overlook. It's there to a degree that feels like expectation. It feels somewhat invasive. There are questions that decent people don't ask out loud, but they are there none the less.
Some dare to question reasonable things, but the answers still doesn't satisfy. Like my father: "Does this (your relationship) mean you're a lesbian now?" Me: "No."
My mother: (about my name change) "Are you doing this to be supportive?"
Me:"Have you considered the obvious. That I am queer?"
I don't owe anyone answers, especially not intimate ones about my gender or my sex or romantic life. And while I do overshare, this is a boundary, that due to my history with abuse, is something I refuse to cross.
This change, this emotional change - has set the answer to those unspoken questions, those suspicions to "yes". It's no longer "No, because.", "It's complicated." or "It's hard to explain." No more internal justification, no more complexity. No more: If I look like this, if they perceive me like this, am I doing something wrong? Am I acting strange? Am I somehow wrong about myself?
It's simple now.
And while to the outside, I may still be perceived as a lesbian while I'm not, it feels less wrong. It's easier for me to accept the unspoken question, because I'm meeting the ground expectation.
And that's what I mean. Allornormativity. The idea that I'm romantically/sexually inclined towards someone. I am now falling under that category. And it has made my mental state instantly easier.
I'm not writing this to advertise falling in love. That would be fucking stupid. It's not a choice.
I know when it changed for me down to the very minute. That only confirms to me that all the doubts I used to have about myself, until that very moment, were unjustified, and to be blamed on allonormativity. (And well - on expectations people have about me because of my looks and perhaps the way I interact with my loved ones.)
What I'm trying to say is: You're not making it up. It IS a thing. A very tangible thing, in fact. One you might simply already be used to.
I hope this may help someone feel a little less insecure about their orientation.
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P.S.1 : Don't try to change.
Being aro/ace has enriched my life in ways I cannot underline thick enough. And while I love love, while I am now different, I still love the road that got me to this point just as much.
P.S.2: For my BBCMerlin readers who know I like to project onto Sir Leon (my dear aro/ace immortal), I will not ever, under any circumstances, change his identity. Never! You will have to rip aro/ace Leon from my cold dead hands. He would rather not be immortal than fall in love! Just so you know.
(But I might enrichen the stories with more complex characters who are on a similar spectrum.)
Chlo ek appreciation post for @appki-adrak-wali-chai and @alhad-si-simran
I don't generally have friends and female friends, besties type ki I never had those as well. But tumblr pe now I have these two pyaari sakhis who are the best. Motivation se leke reality check sab deti hai ye dono 🥹.
Aur ek chiz ki humara sabse ek jaisa rishta nhi hota jo ki sach hai kisi se khushi ka, kisi se dukh ka to kisi se dil ka hota hai. Or dil ka rishta sabse khas hota hai usme you don't expect anything in return, you are just there for them when they need you and you automatically become happy when you see them happy. Ye dono vahi log hai jinke posts dekhke, jinki baatein sunke, jinhe khush dekhke automatically happy happy feel hone lag jata hai ✨. Vese to you both are queens validation ki zarurat nhi hai but still deri hoon. Tum dono 🫵🏻 best ho!!!
Is2g if I see one more validation post I will go feral
"Reminder that if you are disabled you are valid!" No shit, Sherlock. In other news, fire is hot.
I don't need your permission to have a positive, meaningful, and fulfilling existence. Neither do people of other minority populations.
All you're doing is calling attention to our broader depersonalization in the most annoying, least helpful way possible. You're not negating it, you're emphasizing it with your conceit that you can chip away at oppression with the power of positive thinking, and the blind assumption that we are so surrounded by terrible people that we would even go looking for validation from you, let alone need it.
When you are of a marginalized population, validity does not count for shit. Least of all the validity bestowed by an invariably inexperienced, middle-class "ally" in a positivity post on tumblr. You deigning to ~*~validate~*~ me does not build wheelchair ramps to my favorite stores. Your uwu validation does not keep the city from saving the most accessible parking spots at the grocery store for able people doing online pickup who don't even get out of their cars.
STOP. Just stop. If you want to help us, find an organization and donate. Actually learn about us and speak up for us in real life instead of bopping us on the head with your online wand as the self-appointed Validation Fairy, secure in the anonymity of the internet and the knowledge that it requires no actual risk (or effort) on your part.
hi i iust wanted to tell y'all that every. single. one. of. of you. is. v a l i d. you don't feel so? well fuck, i'm telling you that you are. you still cant do the thing you've been learning for ages? valid. you failed that one test you've been studying so hard for? also valid. you just killed a man and don't know where to hide the body? you guessed it, still valid.
Hi and welcome to my validation callout post where I scream about people who are valid and cool because I love my friends
@miss-lovelin Best internet mom, absolute sweetie
@cookie-stars Best Friendo,,, Goode art buddy, good story ideas, super amazing OC’s and super fun personality,
@cattington another good friendo!!! Has super good art and if she denies it I will THROW HANDS
@cinna-freaking-vanilla <----- ANOTHER AMAZING FRIENDO!!! Also has really good art, another absolute angel,
@pinkevilmercuryus *GRABS YOU SHAKES YOU* Funky little moon goblin! Super fun to talk to, haven’t seen her art in a while but it’s super cute
@nebulanudibranch @nontoxic-markers <--- THESE TWO ARE AMAZING. Nebi is super fun and creative and sweet and Alira,..,.I’m gae,.., we,.. we’re the gayang!!
@kepa-shanyang FUNNIE KARMA HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Super funny amazing person.,,. Super helpful and supportive!!!!
@jsab-fujii ANOTHER FUNNY AMAZING PERSON!!! If ey don’t accept validation.... (GETS YOU)
@hexaforce678 ABSOLUTE SWEETIE ANGEL. ADORABLE. Super creative and fun to talk to,,
@triumphantfandomchaos GOOD FREN. VALID FREN. I love talking to themb,,.., God of angst and fluff,.,
@trans-axeolotl ADORABLE BABY CLOWN BOY. *PATS LEO ON THE HEAD* THIS LITTLE GUY CAN FIT SO MUCH BABEY INTO IT.
@nippsticks ALSO ADORABLE. AMAZING ARTSTYLE, CUTE ARTSTYLE, ALSO A GENUINE, ACTUAL B A B E Y
ok that’s all i got for now these people are super cool and they’re all really fun to talk to and hang out with ily all you guys,,,, Sorry for the tagging I’m just filled with so much serotonin rn and needed to let it out
