Please consider: venus vampire trap Stan gives a fright to that one cat-curse witch, and turns into venus vampire trap Nikola.
To everyone else it's just like a muppet cat turns out to be the Monty Python rabbit (if you don't know about Monty Python rabbit, you should look that scene up, it's a classic! but imagine Salem from Sabrina in its place instead).
To Stan it's "For some reason I've become a cat, but odd muggers still try to bite me 😔". Ford is still in denial about his vampire cat trying to write and saying SOS in Morse. Emma-May is barely holding herself from descending into full-on mad biologist on Nikola. Fiddleford is going slowly mad trying to build the catranslator that constantly gets destroyed in the gang everyday chaos and vampire attacks. Bill has no idea where that cat even came from and why it's not Ford's twin, but at this point it's too late to ask. Stan thinks it's a little irresponsible to feed so much ice cream to your not that big cat but who's he to say no to some delicious treat!
Lol. Cat Venus Vampire Stan, Fords pet cat vampire he's feeding vamps too and vents to about Bill the teenage vampire overlord who's obsessed with him.
(I am aware of the rabbit, its a classic truly).
Stan's living a nightmare cat life where he's a cat but still smell super delicious to vampires so he keeps getting grabbed by weirdo's too into biting. Luckily they also still don't like it when he bites them, so he's managed to get through his new cat life in one piece (hmm. I imagine drinking blood is very much a version of stealing, meaning the curse is never gonna fade away on its own here). No one's picking up Stan's communication attempts as Stan calling for help, instead seeing it as advanced intelligence due to his vampiric state. The only reason he hasn't been dissected by a too eager Emma-May is because he exclusively eats vampires and thats a super useful kind of cat to have around. Ford has to keep rescuing him from her lab when she nabs him to run a million non fatal tests. No one knows why 'Nikola' likes Ford so much, but too many people keep saying its because he knows Bill likes him. Maybe 'Nikola' was Bill's attempt at a guard? So that other vampires can't get too cozy? Maybe 'Nikola' can sense Bill's favor? Ford hates all these theories because Nikola is his little vampire hunting buddy, and Stan hates them for the obvious reasons of 'hey! Bill's that guy who bit me! And I'm not a guard anything! Vampires aren't real!'
Bill has no idea about this weird cat thats eating all his men, but he also heard the rumors through being a creep and he can't let on that he's just as confused as everyone else. His teen pride can't handle the hit of the mystery vampire eating cat.
Him and Ford have a weird meet up at a obsucure library where they're both looking into mythology to see if vampire eating cats have ever been a thing that existed, and Bill tries one (1) flirt then screams when Stan pounces on his face. Ford doesn't help him but he does need to pull Stan off and run when the librarians start chasing them for being loud.
Is it still a one-shot if I've split it up between 2 chapters? Eh, I think so.
This one-shot was inspired by and is intended as a continuation of the excellent post/fic by @esjayess. Go read that first if you haven't! And also read this adorable Vampire Bat Stan by @dark-lord-of-awesomeness too!
Anyway, here's the summary of the one-shot (AKA the first couple paragraphs):
An almost-full moon shone down from a cloudless sky, washing the world around Ford’s house in moonlight, stark and snow-bright. It had snowed heavily all day, leaving a fresh, thick layer on the ground. The snow clouds had been a dark, ominous blanket that’d blocked out most of the light, only to burn off like fog as night fell. As if day and night had switched roles.
There’d been murmurings it was the work of a vampire controlling the weather even before their newest headache had introduced himself and gave them an ultimatum.
“Send the vampire hunter out alone or we will slaughter everyone in your pathetic hovel!”
Being the oldest son of the noble high-class vampire family had its benefits, as well as its scars. Anselm knew that. The biggest scar of all was “to be always perfect”. Always presenting his family in the best possible way.
“The longer and prettier hair you have, then more presentable you look” was one of rules they had in their family. As an aristocratic family from 18th century it had its reasons. As well as wearing fancy clothes and having great manners.
Yet...Anselm didn't want to be perfect. All he ever wanted was to be like others. Play outside, don ' t care if his trousers got dirty from mud... He was just a little boy, so why he had to act like an adult?
That night was however his biggest mistake. His mistake of “being un-perfect”. It wasn't a big of a deal. All Anselm did was cutting off his perfectly styled ponytail. He had seen so many boys in village without long hair, short hair making them cold in a hot summer, so why he couldn ' t have it too?
Feeling a cold wind on his nape was an incredibly alien yet great feeling, but it lasted only till his father found out...
His father...well, simply put, was furious with him, calling him names and showing Anselm a proper lesson about dishonoring their family till the brave boy broke down. Only then his father left him alone, showing him that being “unperfect” can have its consequences...
A/N: So… The vampire oneshot for my story BIT is in the works, but ever time i tried to wrote for it stuff for this came out instead. So this will be posted forst to get it out of my system. I also really like it and there’s too much if it to turn back now! I hope you like it! For updates on this or information on BIT just leave a comment and I’ll get back to you!
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Dipper Pines, what a pleasant surprise,” Bill cooed, “and… Ford isn’t with you… is he?”
“N-no… He… he thought I could do this on my own-”
“Oh?” Bill raises a brow, “Well, that’s not what I heard.”
Dipper takes a step back, and hears the door’s lock click shut behind him.”Because from what I heard, Old Sixer didn’t want you anywhere near me and if you even attempted to meet with me he’d drop your little apprenticeship.”
“You-you… Please, Don’t tell Ford, I-he’s always hovering over me and treating me like a kid. If you want me out of your hair I’ll just leave and we can pretend this never-”
“No I never said anything about that, Pines… No, no I don’t think I’ll tell Ford. On one condition./ I won’t tell your Uncle what you’ve been up to.” Dipper visibly relaxes, his expression awash with relief. “Now, I want you to keep quiet. I don’t want a struggle, but tonight was one of my designated feedings and since you seem to have incapacitated your… Grunkle…I don’t suppose he’ll be politely waking up to satisfy my thirst and I can’t enter a building without permission… so, my dear, you’re going to have to appease me, or our deal that keeps me from draining anyone in your miserable speck of a town or going out to hunt will be null and void.”
“You’re lucky yours smells intoxicating even a mile away, Dipper, (as I knew it would?). I’ve anticipated this, but I never expected you to actually come up here, seek me out, come unprotected and utterly defenseless to my own front door. You must be a dream/ you’re a dream, but also… very stupid.”
“Y-you what?” Dipper can’t break away from Bill’s stare and Bill taking advantage of his paralysis/ shock, draws closer, pulling down the waist coat/ over coat he wears to his elbows, and pushing aside the stiff collar at the other’s throat. “And the entire time, he thought he was/ could keep you from me… It’s almost funny how dumb that is. Wouldn’t you agree in spite of everything?” He doesn’t wait for an answer, nor does he expect one. His fangs elongate as he dips his head lower, breathing down the brunette’s neck as he nuzzles him/ grips his arms/ his cheek and tips his head to expose more pale, porcelain flesh. “It was only a matter of time… So I waited, relinquished every opportunity to cause havoc so your uncle wouldn’t try to off me, and at first, he allowed me to see you, but then he went to hiding you away and pretended I didn’t exist. Not to you. Well, look where we are now. I almost gave up on you, thought I would have to steal you away myself, and well, you know the rest… it worked almost seamlessly.” goosebumps raise on Dipper’s arms as he tries to get a good look at the other, where his head is turned, he doesn’t dare move. But maybe there was a chance he could get out of this one?
“Why the hell- Why me?”
“Hmm? Why not you? Intelligent, clever… inquisitive and loyal to your family… and have you seen yourself? You’re a work of art. Perfect.” Dipper flinches back as he sees him draw closer and kiss his neck, Bill frowns/ scowls, brow furrowing in confusion or displeasure, it’s uncertain.
“I- Ford will know I was here, please, just let me leave! I can promise I won’t come back-”
Bill’s grip tightens on him reflexively when he hears this, only adding to the brunette’s desperation. Why had he been so… stupid, as Bill had so eloquently put it. “What do I have to do to get out of here?”
Bill seems to consider this for a moment, before responding with a short, “nothing.”
“I require nothing to release you unto your Uncle, whether or not you’ll have to do so at night will depend entirely on whether or not we see eye to eye.”
“O-on what?”
“I want you, here. Weekly, no exceptions. I will train you to surpass your mentor and I will drink from you as I please. Is it a deal?”
Dipper numbly nods/ shakes his head in assent.
“Good. I will be taking some now though, Ford’s always so… tasteless and anyway, you’ve intruded my estate without my permission. Such breach in social etiquette/ taunting cannot go unpunished. Not unless you’ll allow me entry into yours/ your own dwelling?” “No? Can’t blame me for trying.”
“You said… you were expecting me?” Dipper tried to stall again.
“Kid, I gleaned the information from Ford’s own mind. You’re cute, frustrated face was enough to tell me just what you were planning, what you were capable of. Just not the when. I found myself infatuated you could say, keeping an eye on you as I have everyone else in this town, but if I have my way, you’ll be more than just a meal…..”
“So much more …I have so much in store for you-” Dipper misses the last part, overwhelming pain coursing through his veins as the hand that firmly gripped his wrist is replaced with biting teeth, sharp and piercing. It feels like he’s on fire before he regains his senses and all he can feel is the vampire’s caress and a weird, almost pleasurable sense as the other drinks his fill from the crimson rivers that bleed from the veins in his wrist. He tried to convince himself it wasn’t as bad as it actually was before Bill pulled away and he slumped, head dizzy and the room spinning like a top and fuzzy.
Bill licks his lips, his tongue roving over them and every individual tooth cherishing each drop he stole from the other. It took so much self- restraint not to just bleed the man dry then and there. So cute and weak, feeble and completely at his mercy. That is to say he managed, barely. He’d been better than he’d dreamt. Holding the man upright, he pulls away just enough to whisper in his ear, words that send a shiver up the brunette’s spine. “You’re mine, Dipper Pines… I’ll let you go back home tonight, but first thing tomorrow night, if you aren’t here, then I will seek you out and there will be nowhere to run from me. I will come for you myself.”
“I thought you said w-weekly…”
“I know what I said/ I know my own words, Pines. I want you here tomorrow regardless. oh, don’t look so glum! Besides, we both know you’re too curious a thing to disappear on me. Too responsible and level headed to pretend this is a dream. Not when there are others on the line.”
“Y-You wouldn’t-”
“Hurt anyone? No, of course not, so long as you do as directed.”
“I-I…” Dipper’s head swam as he tried to argue, but his words got stuck in his throat at the smug look in those golden eyes.
“Good Night, Dipper Pines. And remember, not a word of this to old Fordsy.” Bill places a finger to the boy’s lips after straightening his collar, he politely directs him to the door and re-enforces his efforts to dismiss the young man. Contrary to what he’d led the naive brunette to believe, Bill tries to picture just how Ford will take it when he figures this little tryst out, because if he had anything to say about it, he would find out. But even he would be helpless to prevent it.
The random thoughts are returning. Vampire bill gets brought Stanley again for the exact same reason. Except now he smells delicious! And he has levrege against Ford now that he's certain he cares.
Too bad Ford is on a war path.
Whew. Back at my laptop, which means I can write this :)
Stan scrambled to keep up with the hands holding him up on either side, the sack over his head making it hard to see what he was doing and their unfairly fast speed and strength another reminder on how Stan's vampiric nature sucked (in a not funny, actual terrible way.)
What use was luring vampires if they weren't going to bite him? And why even lure vampires in the first place! He needed to figure out if he could do anything else fast because the moment more than one jumped him he was useless.
He cursed as he was jerked to a stop and shoved to his knees, the silence making him tense. They'd shoved a gag in his mouth shortly after nabbing him off the side of the street, making his fangs useless and ruining his natural ability to talk himself out of trouble or annoy his captors into making mistakes. A pair of footsteps clacked against stone, coming closer from, and a high pitched annoying voice grated his ears and made him groan.
Bill.
"Well well well," He said, getting closer still, "If it isn't Pines. Funny how we keep running into each other like this, isn't it?"
Stan shuddered as Bill's hand ran up his chest, then blinked in the light when it snatched the sack off his head.
They were in the middle of some kind of fancy living room. A large blazing fireplace roared across from him, with two plush couches on either side and a bar full of red bottles to the left. To the right was a window, hidden from sight by two thick black curtains. Giant tapestries lined the walls, each one bearing Bill's triangle symbol, eye staring down at him. A giant piano was sitting to the side, and various small tables and dressers had lit candles.
There were also rose petals on the ground.
Bill was standing right in front of him, smile frozen and sack still in his hand. The vampiric lord looked the same as ever, wearing a yellow brick patterned vest with tails over a yellow dress shirt and black pants. Long black gloves covered each hand, made to let his black claws poke through the end, while his black heels added an extra two inches to his height. A black bow tie was tied snuggly around his neck, while a black top hat sat on top of his yellow hair. It laid flat and covered half his face, so that only one of his yellow eyes was visible.
Visible, and staring at Stan with rage in a small teenage face. At least Stan had that going for him, being stuck at almost thirty forever (or until Ford cured him), being stuck at sixteen for eternity probably didn't help Bills wild behavior.
"You." he seethed, crumpling the sack and throwing it aside, "Why is it always you. I had a whole thing set up here, and you're RUINING IT!"
Stan raised an eyebrow as Bill yelled and threw himself onto the closest couch, grabbed a pillow, then started screaming into it, kicking his legs all the while. He looked up at the vampire's holding his arms to see two stone cold faces, like watching an immortal sixteen year old throw a tantrum was an everyday occurrence.
Maybe it was for them.
"Whatever!" Bill yelled, sitting up and throwing the pillow across the room, "I can use this! Fordsy didn't get to find you're ruined husk last time, but I know you've been hanging off him, and my eyes have told me all about how clingy he's been with you. He, ugh, cares."
Bill jumped to his feet, then started pacing around the room, rubbing his chin. Stan shuffled in place, then winced when the guards tightened their grips. Being in the middle of whatever was going on between Bill and Ford really was the worst. He should make Ford pay him back for this.
"Not a present this time," Bill muttered, "I'll use you as bait. Get him to come to me, I'll show him I have you, then rip your head off in front of him. That way he can see how strong and powerful I am, how much better he'd be with me, and you'll be dead. Actually dead, instead of whatevers... whatevers..."
Bill sniffed the air, then turned to face Stan, eye focusing on him in a way he didn't like.
"...going on with you." Bill approached him, steps slow and deliberate. Stan tensed as he got closer, then shuddered when Bill traced his chin. A moment later the gag was ripped out, and Stan sputtered when Bill clutched his face and tilted it back and forth.
"Can you stop? This whole things already terrible," Stan mumbled through his squished cheeks. Bill ignored him, prying his jaw open and looking inside his mouth, then letting go to pry one of Stan's eyes so he could look at it, the other hand holding the back of his head so he couldn't jerk away.
"Huh. Interesting." Bill said, letting go to grab Stan's head again, "What's going on with you, you couldn't even turn right? So pathetic and low quality I couldn't even turn you into a proper vampire? I can smell how dead you are, but besides that..."
Stan tried to wiggle away as Bill leaned forward, one hand holding him by the air and holding his head in place while ha came forwards to sniff at Stan's neck.
Creep.
"Stop being creepy." Stan said, glaring at his hair and skin tingling as the Vampire continued to sniff at him. His tiny teenager neck was out of reach, and with his head grabbed he couldn't lean forwards to chomp it. Then something wet touched him, and he screeched, "Did you just lick me!"
"Hmm." Bill leaned back and licked his lips, confirming the licking without even having to say anything, "What is that? I've eaten millions, humans and not, and you don't taste like anything I've had before."
"Well-" Stan started to say, before Bill grabbed his head, jerked it to the side, and bit into his neck. Right away Stan tried to lunge forwards to snap Bills, but the vampire used his other hand to twist Stan's away, holding him in place while Bill started draining him. Stan growled and bit at the air, trying to get one of his fingers, to move, something.
Anything to stop the feeling of the blood leaving his body and the heat creeping up his spine.
It was worse than the last time Bill ate him. Last time he was still alive, still human (if one that had way too much vampire blood in his system). When Bill drained him last time, he'd been too panicked to feel the vampire feed, and everything had gotten cold and fuzzy before he'd passed out.
Not now. Not this time. This time he wasn't alive, didn't need his blood to stay awake and aware. Could feel himself getting drained and knew what it meant. Instead of getting colder, he started heating up, breaking into a sweat as his body desperately tried to lure a meal.
At some point the vampires on either side of him had let go, and the only thing supporting him was Bill's hands on his head as the vampire shoved Stan to the ground so he could drink from a more comfortable angle. Stan whined and shoved at him, trying to break free of the grip on his head as his teeth came out and he started panting. Unfortunately he hadn't hit the critical point where he tapped into the strength and speed of a regular vampire, so Bill just pressed down hard and sunk his teeth in deeper.
He was so hungry now, melting from the inside.
Bill let go before draining Stan completely, licking his lips and staring down at Stan. One of his hands let go to trace Stan's face, and Stan blinked heavily at him, eyes trained on Bill's neck.
"Look at those!" Bill said, leaning in close to look at Stan's eyes, still shoving Stan's head down so he couldn't bite him, "Now that's new! A whole new vampire huh? Messed yourself up so bad you taste delicious to others! Hah! Talk about the worlds biggest screw up over here!"
Stan wheezed, panting and uncomfortable from the grab and the lava churning his stomach. Bill was right on top of him, right there and the only vampire Stan couldn't overpower in a one-on-one. It didn't stop him from trying, straining to shove Bill off and reverse their positions.
"Aww, is someone hungry?" Bill cooed, "Did I take a little too much? Should have thought about that before making yourself taste so good! Man, its been ages since I've had something new to eat around here! I'd drain you dry if I didn't need you to get Sixer."
Bill rolled off of him, using a glove to wipe Stan's blood off his face. Stan rolled over too, eyes locked onto Bill's exposed neck and fire dancing across his skin.
"We'll have to scratch the head popping part of the plan," Bill said, turning to look at him in amusement when Stan shoved himself to his feet and lunged, "At least until I figure out how to make more of you."
Bill sidestepped Stan, then grabbed him by the back of the neck and threw him at one of the vampires that had dragged Stan there. They were standing a few feet away, and Stan didn't hesitate.
He grabbed their head and jerked it to the side, then latched onto their neck and started drinking. The effect was immediate, a cooling balm that spread into his stomach. It felt different from usual, his own lack of blood making his skin even hotter and itchy. Unlike Bill, Stan didn't let go until his meal was dead and dry, letting them drop in a crumbling heap.
"Look at that!" Stan turned to see Bill, clapping his hands and standing on the other vampire, holding them in place so they couldn't get away, "So speedy! Try to take this one slower, really appreciate the flavor!"
"Lord Cipher!" The vampire pleaded, trying to crawl to freedom, "Lord Cipher, please!"
"Not now," Bill said, kicking them towards Stan and stepping away as Stan pounced, "Can't you see I'm feeding my newest juice box?"
Stan ignored him, focusing on the taste flooding his mouth as he clamped down on the screaming vampire. His skin felt less tingly, the coolness sluggishly spreading to his limbs as he drank them dry.
"Now," Bill said, kneeling right in front of him when he let go, "I'm sure you could still eat, but I don't have the time to scrounge up more meals. Not with IQ on the way! So you just rest tight for a while until he gets here, sound good?"
"No," is what Stan wanted to say. Before he could Bill grabbed the sides of his head, lifted it up, then slammed it into the ground.
Ford snarled as he tore through another vampire, silver sword slashing through their arm before he looped off their head and plunged a stake through their heart.
It had been foolishness on his part to let Stan go hunting without back up. Stan had proved that he could handle himself fine against most threats, but he still had human limits. He couldn't handle more than one or two vampires at a time.
And now Stan was paying the price for Ford mistakes. Again. They were lucky Fiddleford had put a tracker in Stan's jacket in a fit of paranoia, back when they didn't know that Stan only drank the blood of the undead. They managed to follow the signal to an abandoned mansion on the outskirts of town.
Bill hadn't been expecting him this soon, that he was sure of. None of the dramatics he'd set up were in place, and the vampires lurking inside had been off guard. Ford led the way towards the basement, where the signal to Stan's tracker was coming from, making sure to silence everyone they came across.
This was a rescue mission first, an extermination second. They couldn't let Bill escape with his brother again.
Ford found the stairs to the lower levels, then used the rail to slide down and ram into a vampire heading up. He staked them in the chest, then pushed himself up and kept going down.
The basement lacked the finery upstairs, gray hallways and heavy doors splitting off in two directions. Ford looked at the tracker information, then ran to the left, eyes scanning for-
-Blood.
A trail of it, starting halfway down the hall and going further down before turning and disapearing under one of the doors. Ford picked up speed, cursing at the locked door as he banged against it.
He didn't have time for this.
Bringing up his foot he kicked down the door, then scanned the room he found himself in. It looked like some kind of storage, metal shelves empty, and in the middle was-
"Stanley!"
Ford rushed to his brothers crumpled from, gently flipping him over. Stan let out a low whine, but didn't respond otherwise. His front and face were covered in blood, and Ford shoved the rage growing in his heart as he wiped away his neck and saw the teeth marks, slowly healing.
There was only one vampire who would dare to touch something connected to Ford, and Bill had made his stance on Stan quite clear.
"Stanley," Ford whispered, then grimaced at the wound on his head. It had cracked part of his skull, but thankfully Stan's status as a member of the undead meant it couldn't kill him a second time. They'd need to find food for him once they left, but he'd be alright, if dazed for a day or two.
Ford dragged him to his feet, then threw one of Stan's arms over his shoulder. He'd drag him out of here, try to feed him anyone else they came across, and maybe, if he was lucky, put Bill in the ground.
So, in the canon, Anselms father was a bad person - having too big expectations from his first-born son. Being different therefore meant for Anselm to suffer... a lot. Even though he survived his fathers cruelty for decades (as for vampires its like a few years), he has never recovered from the pain his father gave him. So it was no wonder that during the funeral, Anselm felt a big relief as much as a pain, looking at his fathers grave.
In Take a bite AU, Anselm always has been a perfect parent material, but unfortunately, there is not really a way he and Dipper can have kids...at least not in biological way. So, Ive decided to create an alternative universe for TaB where it is possible, and Anselm with Dipper are proud parents of two kids: A blonde girl with Dippers hazel eyes and her younger brunette brother with one eye golden and other hazel one.
And Anselm is the sweetest and the best dad they could ever wish for. UwU
