Relationships are mirrors.
Image accessed on 9/23/22 via https://www.shutterstock.com/search/mirror-reflection
Over the years, and through many IG posts, therapy sessions, late night talks with friends and family, I would hear the phrase “relationships or rather people reflect back to you what you need to see”. It took me a VERY LONG time to understand this omniscient phrase. You know how people will say phrases like “You’ll understand when you get older”- I find that to be frustrating because it is something you can’t really comprehend until you actually experience AND explore that insight when you arrive at that moment in your life.
Many times over, in previous relationships, phrases such as “people can only meet you as far as they have met themselves” confused me. Intellectually I understood the meaning. Feeling the depth of it I did not understand until recently. I bought Vanessa Bennett and John Kims’ book “It’s not me, it’s you” to listen to via Audible. It blew my mind. Up until now, I have been working on myself through therapy and practicing within the relationships I had in my life whether that be family, friends, work, or strangers. Hearing Vanessa and John discuss their relationship, their subconscious behavioral patterns, their personal internal work helped me realize and understand how the relationships I were in had similar dynamics. It didn’t have to be toxic for the patterns to show up, the patterns existed regardless. And because they existed, Vanessa and John argue that it can be “rich soil for growth”, “creating new love experiences and patterns”- that is if both people decide to do so.
Looking back now- I can see the many ways my previous relationships reflected to me my own emotional unavailability at the time. How I pushed even my own family and friends away by certain behaviors. I am fortunate that my friends and family, for those that chose to stick around or may not completely realize it at the time, decided to be a part of my life. As I mentioned in my previous post, accountability and apologies are the hardest things to do. Apologizing for me was really hard- I truly thought that if I apologized, it meant I was wrong. Apologizing means that you are willing to put the other persons’ experience of the situation above your own- it did not mean that I was wrong or am a bad person. If you find yourself in a similar predicament, keep this in your mind. Stretch beyond the resistance. Be curious as to why you feel this way. My inquisitive nature, can be a double edged sword at times, has helped me tremendously in other areas specifically in the areas of personal growth and work.
Today, I report that I am at peace. I feel at peace. I wouldn’t say it’s because I arrived to a destination. Rather I say it because I am taking the actionable steps to demonstrate to my inner child that I am willing to take care of her, love her, hear her and meet her needs. In return, I request that she learn to grow, stretch within herself to become a more realized adult. These are not easy feats or tasks- it requires daily work. Some days I falter, other days I’m knocking it out of the park. I am at peace knowing I am doing the best I can each day. I hope you acknowledge to yourself that you are doing the best you can each day regardless of what that looks like. I trust you will grow and evolve in your own journey. I have faith that you will arrive where you need to be at the right time.
