y'all, I had the most *bonkers* Veep dream last night. I dreamed that Selina and Jonah HOOKED UP (I can barely type it, it's so deranged) and that Amy and Dan discovered it and had to somehow conceal it from the public. this (obviously) led to Amy and Dan getting drunk in a dive bar together. I think they were already hooking up on the sly in the dream - the vibes were very much "let's get drunk and then go home and make out."
Anyway, my subconscious is clearly losing it (and/or is trying to get me to write Veep fic again).
errr so this is pretty shit but I promised a post so uhhh I’m sorry I promise it’ll get better just let me het into writing veep style I’d love to take requests 🙏🏽
pls don’t cringe too hard have fun I love you dan pls kiss me dan
Word Count: 1.452k
“Oh, fuck off,” you repeat for what you feel like is the thousandth time. Working for the VEEP is obviously a dream come true- you’d worked your entire life for this, and you’re damn good at your job too.
But of course, a man has to fuck it up for you.
Some jerk has come up from some senator’s office to talk with Selina, and unfortunately for you, he’s snagged right onto you on his way there.
“You kiss the VEEP with that mouth?” he asks, depositing himself on your desk, fuck-ass grin plastered on his face. You suck on your teeth, trying not to lose your shit. You make a weak attempt at ignoring the interloper, instead waving at Ed after he smiles at you shuffles into Selina’s office. “What’s Mr. Dry Spaghetti doing in there before me?”
“Madame Vice President has her priorities,” you reply simply, starting on some paperwork.
Instead of fucking off to wait his turn, like you’d hoped he would, his ass stays firmly on top of the pretty wood of your desk. A shame, you think, the wood is being desecrated.
“More time for the two of us, then?”
“I’d prefer not to.” You don’t look up from your work.
“Oh, come on.”
“I have work to do.” You abruptly stand from your desk chair, crossing the room to pretend like you’re doing something. Mike thankfully gives you a brief respite from what’s about to turn into a living hell, asking you about the difference between matcha and green tea. “What’d Selina ask for?”
“She asked for green tea, but I can’t tell if she means like the ones in the Arizona cans or like tea that’s green, which would be matcha, wouldn’t it?”
“Well, matcha isn’t tea,” you say back, a smile finally gracing your face. “So I’m assuming she meant green tea.”
“Do I just say that? I want some green tea?”
“That’s typically how you order things from places, yes. Where’s Gary? Isn’t this his job?”
“Probably having an anxious breakdown in a bathroom,” Mike mutters.
“Sounds more like you.”
“Where’s Dan?” he asks, changing the subject. “He’s supposed to have a statement for me…” He trails off, walking away from you and the conversation.
To your disappointment, your happiness is short lived. You feel a hand ghost on the small of your back, and it seems that Senate boy hasn’t gotten the hint.
“Do you need any help? I can make quick work of whatever it is you’re doing.”
“No, I’m fine,” you say harshly.
He takes you by the hip this time, turning you to face him. “How about we go out, then? Brunch? Lunch? Anything.” Your face flushes, your lips begin to form a scowl. Before you can yell at him, cuss him out, anything, Ed shuffles his way back out of Selina’s office and beelines it to you. He awkwardly pushes himself in between you and Senate boy, swatting his hand off of you.
Ed shoos the Senate boy into Selina’s office, giving you a pat on the shoulder on his way out. You murmur your thanks and goodbyes before wandering back to your desk to work in peace.
You manage to get a bit of work done, but your focus begins to waver as you hear Selina’s voice rising. Mike rushes back in, doing that goofy run of his, and pushes one of Selina’s office doors open. He barely gets to speak before he’s interrupted.
“Ma’am, I have that green tea you wa-”
“If you don’t have the fucking draft by tomorrow, ma’am, you’re in a WHOLE new black hole of shit-”
“You really think you can talk to me like that? I’ll have you know-”
Mike backs away from the doors, letting them click shut. He places the cup on your desk. “Your problem now. Where the fuck is Dan?”
Senate boy follows Mike closely out the door, practically screaming obscenities, and the ink on one of your documents suddenly becomes the most interesting thing you’ve ever seen. “And don’t think I’ll forget how the Vice President treated me as a honored guest,” he shouts, voice tripping in venom. “And for the record, I never wanted to go out with and ugly fucking bitch like you, anyway.” You blink, barely registering the words spat in your direction. “Fuck off, Eagan, so I can come for your job so shit can actually get done here.”
He shoves past Dan, who’s standing in the doorway with his jaw ticking. “Oh, eat shit,” he mutters back. “Was he talking you you?” He comes over to you, setting the statement Mike’s been running after all morning gently on your desk.
“He’s just butthurt,” you manage, face heated. While you hadn’t taken anything he’d said personally, because Senate boy looked like an ingrown toenail and had the maturity of a spring onion, he’d made a scene in front of the entire office. And your ego wasn’t small enough to not be a bit bruised. You take Selina’s forgotten green tea and quickly run it to her. Dan follows, hands stuffed In his pockets.
“That’s Dale? From Senator Warrith’s office?” he asks, watching Selina pinch the bridge of her nose, wordlessly accepting her drink and demanding you and Dan piss off from her office.
He follows you back to your desk, his eyes staying on you. “I don’t know his name,” you say exasperatedly. You tap at the documents Dan’d set on your desk moments earlier. “Mike’s been looking for these.”
He leans against your desk as you sit down. “I know. That’s why I gave them to you.” You can’t help but smile, properly filing the papers away to be put on Selina’s desk. “What, are you just going to let him talk to you like that?”
“What can I do? File a complaint?” You scoff. “There’d be more use in me sending letters to Santa.”
“I’m not going to let him talk to you like that.” He cards a hand through his hair. “You’re on the Jonad drive.”
“You’re going to bully him?” you ask, laughing.
“Of course I’m going to bully him. It always works.” He raps once on your desk with his knuckles before he straightens out. “I’m going to go visit Shrimp Dick.”
“Shrimp Dick? That’s the best you can do?”
“Shrimp Dick is the least of what’s going to happen to him. It’s factual, too.”
“Can we stop saying shrimp dick? I’m on the phone,” Sue states, expression sharp.
“Point is,” Dan continues, keeping his focus on you, “you will be avenged.”
You make a face. “What are we, twelve? This is all so juvenile, Dan.”
He shrugs. “Just making sure you know.” He adjusts his tie, taking a few steps in the direction of the exit, before turning right back to you. “You’re not ugly. Or a bitch,” he says too loudly. His face pinkens. “Just making sure you know.”
. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁
Later that day, you’re running between buildings, trying to get ready for a prep release, when you hear your name murmured in conversation.
“I don’t give a shit if he’s that goose that fucking lays golden eggs, Senator Warrith. He harassed a close colleague of mine, and I can’t even begin on his attitude towards Madame Vice President.” You can recognize Dan’s voice. You’ve been hearing it for long enough. “I mean, he walked in like he owned the place, disrespected everyone, shouted at Madame VEEP, and threatened me, so by proxy, her. I really don’t see how you can tolerate anything of the sort.”
You try to make it past them unnoticed, but the two finish their conversation as soon as you’re near. Dan peels away from the senator, falling into step beside you. The two of you stay in a comfortable silence for a bit before he speaks. “I’m sorry if anything I did made you uncomfortable.”
“What, you? You didn’t do anything wrong.” You both stop before the press room, stealing moments for yourselves. “You hit your head? I’ve never heard you apologize to anyone before.”
He smiles at you before ducking his head down to inspect his dress shoes. “Dale won’t be around anymore.”
“It wasn’t that big of a deal, Dan.”
“Naw, nobody liked him, anyway.” He brushes an imaginary speck of dust off of your shoulder. “They also found evidence of fraud. Which I might’ve pointed them in the direction of. They also all call him Shrimp Dick now.”
You reach out, pulling his blazer shut and straightening his tie. “Well, thank you for caring.” You even out his collar. “In your own little neurotic way.”
Ok sorry for the random Q, but did Dan ever run for congress in any of your Veep fics? I feel like there was one but I can’t seem to find it now or even remember what the title was unfortunately. I just remember really liking the resolution of that fic and was wanting to reread.
Dear anon,
Never apologise for asking me about my fic! Especially when it’s because you want to reread it - writers are needy creatures after all, and love nothing better than eager readers!
The one you are looking for is The Long and Winding Road. Dan runs for Congress with Amy as his campaign manager (somewhat unwillingly - but Selina was happy to ‘sell’ Amy to a man she knew had a sexual interest in her - when it comes down to it, the arrangement with Dan is not that different to the one Selina later makes with Leon, and the one she thinks Amy made with Bill).
There is also a sequel, Taking the Long Way Round - which I am going to complete, I promise, I’ve just had a hellaciously demanding nine months between work and house-moving (twice).
Taking the Long Way Round is a kind of…gap-filler for my own fic. It’s mostly stuff that - in my own opinion - didn’t really fit into the first story, as it would have thrown off the pacing too much - but it goes into Dan’s Congressional campaign in some detail.
Started watching Veep for the first time, now I'm already planning a Selina Meyer vs. President Loki story. Due to the amount of times the word 'fuck' will need to be used this will definitely not be a G rated FanFic. This one will not be up for a while, still got 2 others to finish, but it's percolating.
I need fic writers to step the FUCK UP for Veep after tonight. I’m gonna need a Dan and Amy ending STAT. And while you’re at it, give Gary a real fucking ending. I didn’t watch seven seasons for this!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(a gif of me talking to friends about that finale)
If you're up to it and comfortable writing about something along these lines, Dan/Amy (Veep) + discussing her past with eating disorders.
It wasn’t so much the subject matter had posed an issue (I’m totally comfortable with the grittier stuff), but rather my tendency to swerve, diverge and write something different than what I first intended. So, it’s got Dan and it’s got Amy, and it’s more along the lines of “Dan likes to make sure she’s eating without showing his concern”, so… Hopefully this works for you? I really just started writing and this is what happened - turns out I missed their banter more than anything.
“Jesus, you’re still doing it. Aren’t you?”
“Doing what?”
Dan’s brows raise, “You know what.” He gives her a pointed look, “You know what I’m talking about.”
“No, I actually have no idea.” Amy blinks, lashes seemingly longer than they are, and she folds her arms over her chest, “Because if you’re not spewing bullshit then you’re usually talking about getting your dick wet, Dan, so unless it’s directly related to the election - an election we’re losing by a huge fucking margin, by the way - then I probably don’t either know, or care.”
Dan only scowls, half an eye roll and half a smirk, “Let’s say it’s related then.” He takes two steps closer to her then, practically cornering her in beside her desk, cluttered with papers and old paper coffee cups, the space where her chair should be vacant. “You know, if you drop dead while we’re touring Alaska then we’re definitely gonna lose this shit-show of a election. And Selina will never let you live it down.” He jests, brown eyes darkening to the same blackness of his brows.
“Why would I drop dead, Dan?” Amy huffs, and her arms only tighten around her frame. She doesn’t avoid his eye, but she isn’t exactly seeking him out either. “What, are you planning on poisoning me? Slipping a few too many roofies in my drink after hours?”
“Why would I roofie you, Ames? I can get you on your back whenever I want.” He shrugs, “I just don’t want to.”
“Shame. I was looking forward to robbing you blind come morning. You know, like all your usual teenybopper hookers.” Amy says, and she pushes a hand against his bicep to move him away from her. Only, Dan’s taller, and he’s stronger, and he barely moves an inch - the fucker!
The man remains still, and if anything, he inches closer the move she pushes, presses, “Going somewhere, blondie?”
“Get out of my fucking way.” Her shoulders rise, and she gnaws at the insides of her cheeks with her teeth, lips pursed, “Dan, seriously.”
And then he asks, “Are you gonna eat something?”
“What?” Amy squints, and her lips part, all plump and dry. And he can tell that, a second later, she’s finally sussed him out. “Is that what you fuck you’re doing? Being my dietitian?” She snorts, and she stops pushing him away.
“Do I look like a fucking fat people coach to you?” He scoffs, and she’s tempted to smile - with and eye roll, of course - but she refrains. Dan licks his lips, and she’s not ignorant to the way his expression changes, shit-eating grin almost falling from his face completely. “I’m not a fucking idiot.”
“Well, you had me fooled.” Amy tells him, and the hand that once flew to his arm presses against his chest, fingertips only. She takes a deep breath, and Dan’s pretty sure she’s mocking him because she says, all calm and cold, “I’ll have an apple for dinner.” And then she flutters her lashes, looking up at him all daydream-like, and he’s totally gonna wrangle her, “Will that shut you the fuck up, doc?”
Dan sighs, but his lips still curl up at the corners, drawing thin and forming that usual loathsome sneer, “It’s a start.”
