Hey guys (: I’m so sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I wanted to let you know how I was doing, but I suffered a back injury just after Thanksgiving. Walking into a store to get ibuprofen and acetaminophen was extremely painful, an event where I had to stop three times and try not to burst into angry, pained tears. I was suffering from muscle pain as well as swelling pressing on the nerve that ran down the length of my left leg, and I was in constant pain from that nerve even if nothing else hurt at the time.
I tried working on it and rubbing out the muscles, but I guess I went at it too hard, too early, and my lower back ended up looking like someone had beaten me severely. I had to wait until the bruising and swelling lessened before I could touch it again, and during that time (starting mid-December) it was so bad that I could only lie down in one specific position and hope I could sleep for more than two hours at a time. Most of the time, I couldn’t, and even after two hours of sleep, I’d wake up and get out of bed and have to yell and cry for five to ten minutes while I worked out the stiffness in my back and hip, down my leg.
I don’t know how many of you have experienced life with that kind of lack of sleep. If you have, then you know, but if you haven’t... it’s a whole different kind of tired, living without REM sleep. You’re awake, but every bit of energy, every bit of desire and WILL ceases to exist. I couldn’t sleep, so I would sit in the jet tub for six hours at a time, arms slumped over the side while the jets hit my back as much as I could stand them, Kindle propped up on a little table beside the tub so I could watch borrowed Netflix. Then I would go to my room and sit for more hours, because lying down hurt FAR MORE, and watch more Netflix. I didn’t get online, I didn’t get on my PS4, I barely talked to anyone even on the phone. I was miserable and could barely function. My dogs hovered over me like worried mothers.
I didn’t have insurance or money to go to a doctor, so I waited it out the best I could. Thankfully, when the majority of bruising finally went away, I was able to start working gently on different areas, massaging and stretching, and it took about a week and a half before I finally started being able to walk somewhat normally again. That was about two weeks ago, and I spent SO MUCH TIME sleeping once I could. OMG the BLISSFUL SLEEP. It took me about a week to start feeling semi-normal again, and start putting major energy back into finding a job. Holidays had put a damper on job hunting, but my back injury kept me off my game for the better part of January. I still have fading bruising of the main veins in my lower back, and it’s been two months. It’s like a roadmap back there, and my nerve is still compressed; about an eighth of my leg is numb the whole way down to my heel through my little and fourth toe. But I feel well, I can sleep, I can walk, and I’ll take it while I continue to work on it.
At any rate... I was eager to get back to finding a job in earnest, and was working on it with renewed vigor for about a week when I got the news that I need to move out of my current place in a month. I really wish I had good news to post. ): If I’d posted a few days ago, I would’ve. But I’ve been so busy trying to catch up on LIFE. I just can’t seem to catch a break.
I’ve been stressed as fuck, as you can imagine, but just to briefly let you know what’s happening, I’ve worked out something of a plan for the next couple of months, which will involve staying with my ex-husband. He’s moving into a small place soon afterward, once the youngest two kids leave for the military, and I probably don’t have time to get a job AND secure a place to live with my two huge dogs in that amount of time. So I’m going to be moving to Texas with a long-time good friend of mine in a few months, after his apartment lease is up and we can find a place better suited to the dogs. It should be good. But the next few months are going to be rough as hell, trying to stretch what little money I have left.
I swear one day soon I’ll have good news to tell you guys. I miss you all, and love you so much <333 I hope you’re all doing well!
