Dear Ms Void,
It was my birthday a few weeks ago and as much as I just want to forget the stupid day its stuck in my brain.
I dont enjoy my bday but I hoped this one would be okay. We were away for it so almost a holiday even, I had even received a total of $300 from family for the birthday/holiday.
But im a simple person, I wanted simple creature comforts and familiarity in a foreign place so I could feel comfortable.
For breakfast, I wanted eggs Benny. We had the bacon and eggs. All that was required was to pick up some hollandaise from a local café. My partner woke me up to bacon and eggs on dry (unbuttered) toast and explained that well we're going to the café for morning tea with his family so there didn't seem much point getting me hollandaise for my bday breakfast. I held back my tears and ate the bacon and eggs because even if its not the request I made, it's still appreciated. (But also very on trend for this stupid stupid day).
Next, it was hurrying to get ready and get out of the house so we could go see his family as his grandparents wanted to see him while he was down. I sat through tea with them while they all talked excitedly about him and got their photos and food. I wasn't going to repeat breakfast just for hollandaise so I ordered a chicken burger which shot hot oil down my hand in the first bite. I sat quietly for most of the meal trying not to cry from the burns and from how much I hate this stupid fucking day and how my partners family comes together more just to see him then my family does for special occasions.
After we left, my partner said the day was mine, so what requests did I have. I said I wanted to be back before dark so we could have an actually relaxed arvo, and I wouldn't mind checking out this weird fancy puzzle store place thats kinda like a museum of oddities. On the way, I requested something familiar and comfortable, a yellow red bull, sold at every servo in qld and none in Tassie apparently. It's just one comfort though so oh well im sure there'll be other comforts in this day.
We went to the museum shop place and honestly it was actually nice, I got a cute little wood puzzle for myself, my partner got me a badge, it was fun even if it only took an hour or two to look through everything (they had a disco bathroom that torments my soul though).
Honestly, from here, I could've gone home. It was mid-arvo, and I would've loved to curl up in bed with some snacks and a good movie at this point and wait for dinner. Im still not sure how we ended up in town when we saw my partners friend and the detour began. We ended up at his friend's place until the sun was set, i ended up stuck talking to a child for hours and we only left when he realized the fish n chip shop his family wanted us to pick up tea from was about to close.
I had actually requested fish n chips for dinner, I was mad craving a seafood basket and had decided for one final time in my life I was going to have calamari before I felt way too bad about eating it. I assumed I'd get a chance to pick the location, but when they told me their fave place is the best place I stupidly trusted as I didn't know anywhere else around. I shouldve at least checked the menu.
They didn't sell seafood baskets. In fact this place only sold 2 types of fish and flake (shark) which almost his whole family ordered and almost made my cry again (I really really really fucking love sharks). They also could only grill or batter so no crumb, the calamari was $3.50 per PIECE, and their idea of seafood sides was dimsims. It was a disaster. Probably the most dull, unenlightened seafood I've ever had in a coastal town, the fish wasn't even locally sourced. But this was my 'big' birthday dinner.
I picked at my battered fish (batter makes me feel sick cause gluten) ate a few chips and mostly just tried not to cry through dinner before I finally got to go to bed and put the day behind me. Ofc by the time we got to bed my partner was so beat from the day that he was asleep within an hour and I was alone again on a miserable day/night.
I hate my birthday, I try to enjoy it but i hate it so fuckin much. The only joy I get is food because well its hard for food to disappoint me but on this day I literally didn't get to eat a single thing I wanted. I know its silly and stupid and I got to go to the museum thing at least but the whole day has lingered in my mouth like a bad taste even now a fortnight later.
I really really wanted to get myself something nice this birthday and I assumed with the $300 I would be able to- I was not able to. I've been swapping one stretcher between my two ears since my last pair went missing over 6months ago, I was super excited to order a new pair as a birthday treat. I could not afford to- why? Because holidays- particularly ones I had no leg in planning- are expensive. And my birthday money very quickly became food and fuel money to go do a bunch of stuff quite frankly I wasn't interested in doing.
So why was i even in a different state for my bday when im clearly a comforts type of person? Simple. I wasn't there for my birthday. It just so happened that the trip for my partner to see his family coincided with my bday. Nonetheless, food is available everywhere, and generally as long as I can get some comfort food I'll be happy.
Breakfast: not important enough to do comfort- still ate though
Lunch: burnt me- barely ate
Dinner: miserable- barely ate
Snacks/drinks: not available in Tassie apparently
The day just fucking sucked Ms Void and I know i sound whingey and whiny cause I still got to go to that museum place but I just hated the whole day and I get stupid sour everytime I have to swap my stretchers now cause its the one thing I wanted to get for myself with that money and instead all I can see of that $300 is a $12 wooden flower i bought and built because thats pretty much all of it that i got to spend on myself instead of a 'holiday' i wasn't even particularly thrilled to be on in the first place.
Im a simple home body with simple (generally food related) desires. I think i just hate birthdays because everybody makes out like it's supposed to be a day all for you, but it genuinely never actually is. I know what I like, i know who I am. Burnt hands, dead sharks, and babysitting duty aren't what I think of when I think of a good time but thats now all I get for my 28th bday. Thats the day now. I cant change it. I cant even afford to get myself the gift I wanted because we're still financially recovering from a 'holiday'.
I dont think im ever going to get a birthday i actually enjoy, I try to take joy in the little moments but fucked if they feel far and few between.
