Some Thoughts #2: Coping mechanisms
Well, it’s been a long while since I last posted here! My apologies!
I want to take a moment to talk about coping with anxiety using my verits. I don't want to trigger anyone, so here's a quick TW for mentioning covid-19, anxiety attacks, and unreality (for the way I tend to interact with my paras and daydreams)
Over the past couple of years, I found that my anxiety had increased from multiple sources from daily life at home, health, and social media. The pandemic and the events in 2020 did a number to my mental health. I remember having anxiety attacks at night triggered by over worrying about my family’s health. I feared getting sick or dying from covid. The election, police violence, and so on from that year made me so afraid for so long. I’m glad my family held me together. I’m grateful that I am still here.
During the summer of that year, I created Cyprus in June. I used him to help me cope with my anxiety. It was a bit of a learning experience figuring out what traits I wanted him to have. I imagined him as a comforting and nurturing figure, feminine and masculine, strong, kind, and confident—someone who is the opposite of myself. I wanted someone to be calm while I was experiencing symptoms of my anxiety.
I like imagining his deep, calm, and comforting voice guiding me through my thought spirals. It helped a lot. Unfortunately, my frustrations about how my anxiety keeps me from a peaceful mind sometimes bleed over to Cyprus, so he gets frustrated as well. It’s not a good feeling when this happens because this could trap me into a feedback loop bouncing between frustration and anxiousness. I feel held back by my anxiety, and I get tired of how it just stops me from living life.
Anxiety feeds on itself, and it’s hard to break up thought spirals when they get bad. But over time, I learned that I need to be kinder to myself and give myself time to calm down. Patience is key. So, I imagine Cyprus learning how to be kinder to me. He would sit with me and talk with me about what made me so anxious. Break up those thoughts bit by bit. It’s not perfect, but it’s a start. If I can’t be fine right now, I can at least be a little okay. Then a little better later on. Just treat each small moment of peace as a stepping stone. I will be fine eventually. I need to take my time.
I remember a thought I had about Cyprus. He is me loving myself. I think I was always hard on myself for being anxious, easily distracted, having bad thoughts, and just being me. Sometimes, I don’t like myself. That worries me. I felt like I needed another “me” to see myself differently to like me. I know I don’t have to do that, but it does help me learn to accept myself. To learn to better appreciate and respect myself. Not like being overly prideful, but just accepting that I am not a perfect person and that my flaws are just a part of my humanity.
Pyrrhus, who I created later in 2020, functions similarly to Cyprus, but they have a different personality. They’re more fun and spontaneous, exuberant, and bright! They tend to be a significant drive for my motivation and creativity. They love encouraging me to work on my projects. They also help balance Cyprus whenever my frustrations or worries bleed over to him. I feel that Pyrrhus helps keep things in balance between myself and Cyprus.
It took me a good year and a half to figure out how Pyrrhus functions to help keep me calm during my anxious moments. I eventually settled on them helping me out with my mild anxiety symptoms and lifting my mood whenever I feel down.
Also, I should mention Celadie, my newest verit. She’s from the same inspiration as Pyrrhus (I might not mention where cause I feel awkward about it, but Pyrrhus’ character design hints at it). Both she and Pyrrhus share a close bond and often hang out together. I’m still figuring out where she fits in, but I just like imagining her being around, like playing games, spending time watching videos, etc. She’s like a friend to me. Maybe, she’s the peace I’m searching for. A peace I need to learn to accept.
While I do enjoy the company of my verits, I do want to say one thing. My daydreams and verits are not replacements for proper therapy. They are only coping mechanisms to help me while also being something deeply personal beyond that. I do plan in the future to get help for my anxiety and integrate better-coping tools into my verits. I think both Cyprus and Pyrrhus will benefit from CBT therapy since I already use them to help break up my thought spirals. I also believe it will help with building confidence and trust within myself. Something I will look forward to once I get the help I need.
Sometimes when I feel down, I like talking to one of my verits to help bring myself up again. I use either use a personal private discord with Tupperbox or Antar to do. Here’s Cyprus using a grounding meditation to help me:
