Meet the Professors - Part Three: Urguy and Mendelssohn
Finally, Slytherins, The Parselmouth is proud to present to you the third and final installment of our Meet the Professors series! This time we’re looking at our last two Professors, Urguy and Mendelssohn. PROFESSOR URGUY URHGA GHARUGH AHGAR GHARUGH HGHAIR! These are the trivial sounds that one hears every time they cross the Hogwarts grounds, the new howl in the night that has ickle firsties shaking in their boots at the prospect of taking Care of Magical Creatures. Urguy. One name. Whether it's his first name or his last name, we can't exactly guess. We can't exactly be sure he can say it, because the man can barely string together an English sentence. There isn't even a record that he attended Hogwarts at all that this reporter can find. The only thing we know for certain, my fellow snakes and snakettes, is that Urguy is really, really good with animals. Despite the putrid stink of rotting Hippogriff flesh emanating off the creature that Weasley deemed fit to educate us, Professor Urguy has this inexplicable talent of making full flocks of Diricawls follow him. There's even been a rumor that he domesticated a Nundu, and learned how to communicate with dragons. Which must have been quite the feat, considering he can barely communicate with his own students. Urguy likes nonhumans. Urguy likes mud. But most of all, Urguy likes Urguy. He is the happiest clam of a caveman that the naked eye has ever seen, and if your olfactories can take it, you'll probably like him too. Plus, he's got a banging tree house in the Forest. 5 Galleons to the person who breaks into it first. PROFESSOR MENDELSSOHN Are plants really her best friends? Considering she teaches Herbology, anyone may hazard that guess. What really is the enigma behind Professor Mendelssohn? Maybe it’s the fact that ever since she started teaching Herbology, everyone and I mean everyone has started paying attention to a class that usually contains deadly plants that can strangle you when not handled properly. However, there is one thing we all agree on: she makes Herbology fun. Why? Because Professor Mendelssohn is cool. Just look at her. She dresses better than most of the other Professors at Hogwarts. She actually doesn’t look like an old lady and really, she isn't bad on the eyes. I would rather take lessons from a former professional Quidditch player than anyone else at this school. I also know that as a Slytherin she can probably use that beater's bat to hit anyone in the head when they aren't paying attention. That's reason enough to want to do well in her class. She is definitely the better looking of our new Herbology duo. Just how does she achieve those flawless curls? She probably uses the tears of the first years to get that glossy shine. Just appreciate that as Slytherins we have a fabulous Professor like her and, oh yeah, don't be late to her class. She'll let the devil's snare eat you. ————————– Well, that concludes The Parselmouth's three-piece on the wonderful Slytherin Professors! Please be aware that repeating any of the information contained within this article is entirely at your own risk - we doubt you'd want to be caught out plotting to invade Urguy's tree house, after all... written by Henry Chamberlain and Phaedra Wayland










