Homestuck in 2025 Headcanons
Based solely on vibes
-Karkat is Balkan
-Dave makes awful male manipulator indie music (specifically this) or horrorcore dark trap (or this). No in between.
-Viriska is 100% a lesbian but she thinks women are “too easy to push around” so she findoms men on Twitter.
-Dave has a Mango Geek Bar in his hand at all times and takes his shitty Honda Civic to car meets.
-Eridan gets into nation states & micronations, treats it like a real country, becomes enraged when you call it roleplay, and inevitably gets the cops called for making bomb threats against another micronation.
-Sollux plays League of Legends, only uses skins that look like hot women, and says shit like “you wouldn’t last 5 minutes in a Call of Duty lobby.”
-Sollux holds the Dark Souls speed run record.
-Terezi was a TikTok influencer but got canceled for saying she hates poor people. Now she’s trying to sell her Adderall prescription on the dark web.
-Rose also sells Adderall but as a fun hobby.
-Dave tries to sell weed once and immediately goes to jail. He uses his mugshot as his profile picture and lies about why he was arrested anytime you ask.
-Dirk shitposts exclusively on Facebook.
-Dirk calls himself a stoner but anytime he smokes, he freaks the fuck out and goes to the hospital.
-Equius is a country redneck with stereotypical southern politeness. He mails people photos of himself fishing.
-Eridan listens to some weird ambient music no one’s ever heard of (because he made it up) and Dave keeps getting angrier and angrier about it.
-Eridan posts shit like “my body is a temple” and trad wife propaganda. His comment section is filled with women posting screenshots of him asking them to sit on his face.
-Dave keeps posting on Snapchat begging for a “toxic big booty Latina to bounce on it crazy style.” The only person who views his story is John.
