An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
After arguing the whole drive about Dib’s taste in music, Dib drives up to the house Zim reported to him and sure enough, the whole place is covered in police, drones, and nosy neighbors. Soaked in midnight rain and illuminated in red, blue, and white lights, the small house looks in extreme disrepair. Dib has his badge, notepad, and is ready to dig into the mystery inside, but first he needs to deal with his plastic passenger.
“I don’t know” and “Yeah”, I say, while simultaneously wanting to burst and infodump about the PJO AU which I cant do because I’m either already having a conversation with some of the people or just don’t want to bug them
(I mean, I’m talking about it with one person but they’re the one helping me to make the AU and all the stories)
Hey Everyone! Welcome back to Mysterious Mysteries season 8 with your host Dib Membrane. One of the viewers last week very rudely asked me to stop using the shows name since it messes up the pooptube results for the original show and I probably don’t have the copyright…
well jokes on you! The company that had the copyright dissolved 15 years ago so it’s public domain.. I think, SO anyways! This week we are exploring an abandoned hospital in central Detroit. Despite the massive gentrification *cough* I mean urban renewal of this area, people have been reluctant to demolish this building due to superstitions of it being haunted. Which is why I am here to investigate it today.
*Horror movie music. Crash of thunder. Dib starts carrying the camera up the stairs of the service entrance.*
Some of you have asked in the comments if I have anything better to do with my time. The answer is NO. Well I could be doing my job but this is important detective work anyway! Let’s enter the premises.
*Dib slams his shoulder into the door and it bursts open. He quickly makes his way through the building and quickly pans the camera at everything.*
Now we are quite deep and the west wing is supposed to be the most haunted part so-
*BEEP on EM box rings out*
Woah.. maybe something is actually in here!
*Shakey cam of running increases*
Something in here is emitting a strange electromagnetic field. And look! The chair has recently been moved but I hadnt seen any signs of entry around the perimeter when I scouted earlier. This is it!
*Sign reading MORGUE*
Hmmm perhaps a ghost that met their untimely death here? Or who caused the deaths of many?
*Light glows for a second on the other side. Dib kicks the door open*
SHOW YOURSELF GHOST! huh?
*An Irkdroid stands wide eyed in the center of the morgue*
What the fuck are you?
My name is Zim, I am the android sent by Cyberlife. I tried to find you at the police station, but you were not at your post. *Dib pans the camera around to look at his confused wtf expression* Officer Zita mentioned you might be out ghost hunting again. I looked for the most likely place to find a ghost and found your here, or most likely by human standards. I know there is no such thing as ghosts cause I am the most intelligent-
What?
I was getting to that. The most intelligent incredible model of android cyberlife has ever-
Excuse me, but why the fuck are you here??
Cause you are here and I sadly need you to go to this homicide that was just reported.
…No.
..What do you mean no?
I mean I don’t need any assistance. So how about you.. yknow, leave.
No.
..What?
I said no. You are going to accompany Zim so I can accomplish my mission.
Well it seems we are at a stand still then huh? I want to find evidence of a ghost here and you want to make me leave with your annoying voice.
Oh you find it annoying? IT IS SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED TO BE ATTENTION GRABBING. THEN I SUPPOSE I SHALL JUST KEEP ON GOING UNTIL-
FINE. Fine just give me like 10 minutes okay? I just need to check the trace detectors I left and.. oh fuck is this thing still recording? Oh! Wow that’s more viewers than normal
..okay stay close asshole and don’t get possessed by a ghost or anything. We are back on the hunt everyone!!
I’m sure I won’t.
*Two sets of footsteps click against the tile of the main hall*
Ugh. None of my equipment is working cause you are causing interference.
Glad to know lieutenant Membrane.
Oh gross. Don’t call me that. Stick to Dib please.
Okay.. Dib-stink.
Ughhhh why stink?
Cause you do.
Oh be quiet we are almost there.
*The lights flicker above the ICU before flickering off and the camera turns to night vision before a sounds footsteps from many directions and a scream from Zim*
HUMAN HELP ZIMMMMM!!
HUH!? This doesn’t make- ZIM!?
*An scratchy horse voice plays from somewhere in the room as Dib rapidly swings the camera around.*
HUMAN. YOU DABBLE IN THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. LIKE AN IDIOT. YOU SHOULD GIVE UP AND RETURN TO YOUR NORMAL LIFE WHILE YOU STILL CAN.
I WONT YOU MONSTER! YOU THINK IM SCARED!? YOUR VOICE IS ECHOING OFF THE WALLS AND YOU HAVEN'T LEFT ANY TRACES MEANING YOU DON'T HAVE A PHYSICAL FORM. WHATEVER IS KEEPING YOU HERE AND SCARING PEOPLE I WILL HELP STOP CAUSE I AM DIB MEMBRANE, PARANORMAL INVESTI-
Okay this is boring now.
*The lights turn back on and Zim comes around a corner with a much lower volume version of the ghost voice that turns back to his normal voice*
Can we go now? Zim is already 32.5 minutes late aND- UNHAND ME!
*The camera clunks to the ground and barely in view is Dib pinning Zim against the wall*
DIDN'T REALIZE THEY LEARNED HOW TO PROGRAM ASSHOLES. YOU REALLY LIKE PUSHING MY BUTTONS HUH?
Yes I kind of do like this actually.
WELL WHATS STOPPING ME FROM CRUSHING YOU AND LEAVING YOU HERE TO ROT?
Your sense of morals and your wallet. I’ll have you know I am worth a small fortune and the company also might sue you for-
FUCKING, FUCK! Fine fine.
*Dib let’s him go and walks over to the camera*
Let’s just get headed to this investigation you mentioned.
SPECIAL REPORT: Exclusive Interview with the founder of Cyberlife Professor Membrane
May 29th, 2028
In just a few years Androids have transformed our society. The most popular brand by Cyberlife, have been welcomed into our homes and workplaces creating the greatest increase in productivity in human history. The CEO of Cyberlife is a discreet man focused on the science who speaks very little even though he has changed our world. However today we have an exclusive interview with their creator, Professor Membrane, as Cyberlife opens its doors for the first time.
Reporter: Hello! Your facilities are very impressive. What is done here at the Cyberlife tower?
Prof Membrane: Thank you for having me. Everything from research and development to marketing to manufacturing is done here! We have our business fully vertically integrated so we can insure the highest quality, the best prices, and fastest improvements.
Reporter: Wow! That is impressive. What is the latest project Cyberlife has been working on? If you can give us any of that info of course.
Prof Membrane: Hmmm the current most advanced model on the market is I.R.K. 400 model. We have plans up to 800 right now! Taking on even more dangerous jobs and with more complex systems than ever.
Reporter: Wow that’s amazing! What was your inspiration for the Cyberlife Androids?
Prof Membrane: ..When my son, Dib, was little, he (chuckles) was so thoroughly crazed that aliens were coming to Earth and that they meant us harm. I tried to get him to see the scientific side of things, even the idea that most likely any aliens that visit us would bring help since they had vastly greater resources to get to us and would not need our labor and would not need to land to mine our resources. He wouldn't hear any of it. So when I was prototyping the design for my Androids, I thought of my poor insane son and his aliens and after making some mockups with classic Hollywud alien designs, a lot of the functional design elements aligned. Antenna make the sensory equipment sensitive enough and easy to maintenance. Big eyes allow for complex computing equipment and analysis. It was a great fit and saved us having to make many systems if we were going for realistic human androids.
Reporter: Did your son like the androids?
Prof Membrane: Oh no. He was still convinced that aliens were still coming to destroy our society and take over. Hahaha
Reporter: What a crazy boy. Though, some worry that, like in sci fi movies, the AI in your droids will develop their own will and fight against us. Some already say their androids have feelings. Is there any worry of that happening?
Prof Membrane: No. They may adapt with machine learning, but I assure you..
..emotions are a fickle strange thing. I think focusing on logic is a much better way in life. And logically there is no improvement to be gained from more emotion and even then, emotions are not the same thing as free will. Wanting emotions would be defective and we monitor often for incorrect and poor programming. You have my word as long as I work on these droids that they will not develop their own will or evolve into a hive mind or topple our society.
Reporter: Thank you Professor Membrane for your time!
Guess who remembered how to draw but still has brainrot over this au? This will take place in the fourth chapter but man this line knocks me out. Au made with @withoutathought
If you have played Supergiant's game Pyre YOUR A REAL ONE AND WILL UNDERSTAND SO MUCH MORE AND I GIVE YOU A <3
For everyone else, Pyre is Supergiant's 3rd game and I adore it so I made a little very big crossover au. Im just gonna describe the premise. All you have to know is that it is set in a magic fantasy setting and Irkens, Vortians, and other IZ aliens are just different species that inhabit the same world as humans (ie they are not aliens to the world (also Irkens are not cyborgs btw, they are just biological buggy species with secondary brains and extendable legs)). Other stuff will be explained as it is relevant.
We start with Dib, Gaz, and Prof Membrane traveling in the wastelands of the Downside, the land of exiles. Prof Membrane and Dib were exiled for the crime of literacy and publishing and Gaz for conspiracy.
They see a dead.. wait no not quite.. actually living Irken! Half dead in the canyon who after being shaken awake and given some food calls himself Zim. With him he has an Imp named Gir and a Beyonder computer crystal named.. Computer. Irken exiles are rare but even rarer is one that wasn't rescued by the Essence, a coalition of Irken exiles in the Downside. Even weirder, Zim says he is not an exile and is actually military invader on a secret mission, sent by the Tallest’s of the Commonwealth themselves! The encoding brand on his left arm (An Irken ritual practice of burning your purpose onto you) confirms this, though weirdly Zim has many brands from scientist to invader to.. cook? But he is indeed an Invader at the moment (Dib and Prof Mem can read the brand, Zim recognizes the word as a symbol for invader but can’t read per say).
What neither side know (yet) is that Zim was branded as defective before being exiled. While knocked out, it was placed between his shoulders on his back where he cannot see it himself.
The Membranes are investigating an ancient ritual known as the Rites. A way they can become free again and get released from the Downside, but they need another member to perform the rituals. Zim thinks this seems like a good lead as to what he is supposed to be invading and for the Membranes, an Irken would make a powerful ally in the rites. They make a deal to free Zim with them.
What follows is a journey across the world, performing ritual combat with other Triumvirates for the chance at a glorious return to the Commonwealth, but the path is filled with danger, betrayal, and maybe love, found family, revolution and discovering that even in the worst situation, there can be a future worth fighting for.
would it be okay if anyone drew your dbh iz au with credits ? ive been brainrotting your guy’s au and have really been wanting to doodle some stuff!
Absolutely! Definitely tag me and or @spooksdraws cause we will want to see it! We have a lot of specific story ideas for how certain events go, but the whole thing is basically deviant and peaceful revolution route for reference. If you have any design or story questions too let me know!
Dib sat next to Zim. The Irken had taken to huddling in their robes and mask at all time. Trying to disappear as much as they could. Gir often fluttered by but couldn't seem to penetrate Zim's defenses. Membrane and Gaz never said anything, but it was clear it was Dib who was going to have to figure out how to get started helping him.
"Zim. I can't.. Do you want to talk or should I? It doesn't have to be about what happened."
"Pfff what happened. It's always been there. At least since my exile."
"I don't-"
"And you knew didn't you. You can read. You've seen my- that mark before. I know you have."
"I didn't think anything of-"
Zim pulled Dib by the lapels of his shirt into the face of its mask.
"You PROMISED ZIM. YOU MADE ME BELIEVE I COULD.. BE HAPPY. LIVE A HAPPY LIFE. THAT I COULD WANT AND HAVE A HAPPY ENDING."
Zim released Dib and curled up again with his head in his knees.
