I am tired of denying that I am a lover girl. I am tired of pretending that I do not romanticize every single moment of eye-contact with a stranger I'll never see again. It is true. I am a Wattpad era adolescent stuck inside a body of an adult. I inhaled the plethora of "bad boy, good girl" novels that plagued our youth. So when that obvious red flag gives me a second of attention, I am ready to lay my heart out for him. Yeah, I'll scream "independence!" to anyone who listens, but please, I beg, someone take care of me. I am tired of never admitting how awfully, how desperately I want to be loved. And perhaps, I'll never look a man in the eye and fully trust him. Maybe my overthinking would sabotage even the remote possibility of shooting my shot. But by God, I want to take care of someone and not have to doubt that I'm doing too much. To be uncontrollably, unconditionally in love with someone. To write them letters and buy them gifts and pick flowers for them because I've always wanted to give a boy a dozen roses and watch his eyes light up in appreciation. To cook for someone and sing along with them and arm wrestle with a smile that I can't hide. To have a warm cup of tea with someone and listen to the rain and cuddle. I want to be so overwhelmed, so undeniably happy, like a teenager before they ever knew that heartbreak was a few months away. Rebellious, unfiltered, courageous love that never ends.
