#weird dysphoria

[system-processing-12]

Gender of the day is void. But not like empty void. More like the vacuum of space that seems to swallow all light but that you know contains multitudes. The darkness in someone's eyes after they've given up hope and decided to keep going anyways.

[probably-max]

i used to think i wasnt trans bc i didnt have a lot of dysphoria but the second i accepted that i am trans dysphoria started popping up randomly all the time over things i didnt even know it was possible to experience dysphoria over

[ftm-radio]

fingernail dysphoria is a thing and I hate it

like pretty much every guy whose hands I've seen has nails like this

like the fingertip goes past the end of the nail?

meanwhile, even when I have my nails clipped literally as short as possible, mine look like this

and I HATE IT bc it makes me feel GIRLY

dunno what I could possibly do about it, but at least painting my nails somehow helps me not notice it lol

[transparentvisionglitters]

Me: *desperately wants to pass*

Also me: *wears clothes that accentuate my tiny arms*

[jasontoddswhitehairfluff]

So, I’m genderfluid, but there have been times when I, as an AFAB person, have gotten dysphoria for not being female enough. The first time I cut my hair super short, I looked in the mirror and almost had a breakdown because I thought I was too masculine looking to pass as a girl. Trans brains are crazy.

[lost-never-f0und]

I bought my first binder yesterday. At first I was scared because I have Mexican parents and both are not lgbt friendly. They can barely handle my sister being lesbian. My mom bought me a gift card for my birthday and I saw it as a sign, and I decided to buy it. It took forever because I was so paranoid of them finding out through the purchase or having the wrong address (it’s being shipped to my sister’s house). Even tho it’ll be winter break when I get it I’ll try it on when my parents leave for work. I’m honestly excited and still terrified. I have a hiding spot for it but my mom likes to dig around sometimes because she doesn’t know the meaning of privacy but I’m pretty sure she won’t check there.

To add on, even tho everyone at school knows me as Max it fuckin sucks hearing ‘she.’ In my AP Lang class the TA was using me as an example and kept using she and I felt uncomfortable and I wanted it to stop but obviously I sat there and said nothing. Sometimes with my outfits I feel like shit for the color sure guys can wear pink but when you tell certain people you’re a boy and you dress fem it seems stupid. I go to this trans group at school (it’s like therapy almost) and even tho I’m pretty sure they’re not but I feel like when they look at me wearing clothes like that think I’m trender.

[trans-isnt-fun]

In choir we have a separate song for the trebles/baritones and the “girl” song is all about female empowerment, which I’m all for, but it makes me feel so fucking dysphoric that I have to sing with the girls, about girl power. I hate ittt

[translike-state]

my libido randomly resurfacing after, like, a year: