This is my first fanfiction, which I ever post somewhere online. I am sorry for grammar mistakes, English is not my native language.
Warnings: blood, major character death, mental problems. 18+
I felt empty. Like a sea shell. I felt nothing. I didn't hear people voices around me. I didn't even heard my voice inside my head. I felt like my soul left my body, my emotions was nothing. Just a body, sitting in my chair, drinking whiskey straight from the bottle and endless cig buns near me.
„I know , that she is still there. I feel it. This can't be the end. No.“
It is been 4 months since that horrible incident happened. When I lost her forever.
Another sip from bottle and dead stare to the wall. I try to notice books in bookshelf, my whole collection, kept by all this year.
Another cig is in my mouth, burning my throat slowly. And then I feel how slowly a tear rolls on my face. Single tear. I don't even remember when I cried, if I ever did. I haven't cried on Spencer's funeral, when Alex died. Never. But now I feel the emotions filling up and taking the top of my mind. Another tear rolls down my cheek and falls on my work desk.
I softly touch the top of the desk. How many memories it reminds me, all with her.
And then strong smash hits it. I'm feeling no pain. I‘m just feeling my eyes starting to glow and headache comes within.
I remember all the times when she insisted to come here, when I used to work with big projects for our better future, distracting me, sometimes just sitting nearby and humming songs in her own language. I loved it so much. But now I will never have a chance to hear that lovely voice of her. She used to sing about her hometown.
Another sip from bottle goes to burn my throat. We missed so much opportunities together. We planned our future. And now everything goes into darkness.
Another bottle that I‘ve finished and I don't even feel drunk. Not even slightly. Stupid fast metabolism and this fucking virus inside me.
I slowly get up from chair to look at the window. It‘s evening. I don't even remember how many days I‘ve been in state like this. I don't even know what time it is nor remember having proper sleep. Not seeing nightmares from that last mission where all my lovely world just got destroyed within single explosion.
I am so mad at her. She sacrificed herself to save me and her friends. Stupid. Fucking stupid supergirl. I had to be in her place detonating that bomb, but no. She took it instead of me. I already made so much evil in this world, she was innocent like an angel. I am blaming everyone. Blaming myself. Blaming every single live organ here.
I need fresh air. I‘m rushing out from the work room straight outside and at the same time I see how dark green car drives into my parking lot. I have noticed familiar figures. Wong and Kennedy gets out of the car. That is what I really don't need right now.
But I've noticed another figure in the car. And when this figure gets out of the car, every muscle in my body starts to shake and anger reaches its peak.
I can see how nervous Redfield gets by being near me. I am trying my best not to punch his face because it was his mission. Because of his stupid actions she is MIA, or even worse...
„Albert, you look horrible"
Great. Now they are mocking me.
„If you drove all this way just to see me like shit, then you successfully did it. Congratulations. Now get the fuck out of here. And you even took this piece of shit here as well.
I am pointing at Chris, who just stands in silent, holding papers in his hands. I see Ada. She sighs and comes closer to me.
„Please, Albert. For her sake. Calm down. We came to talk"
I hear her shaking voice. Leon just stands in silent. I see that he is nervous as well. Of course.
I exhale a deep breath out of my body and I'm letting all trio into my house. When they are inside I go straight to the kitchen bar. Opening cabinets and taking another whiskey bottle and glass.
Ada, Chris and Leon sits on sofa waiting for me. When I join them, they looks at me with quite surprised faces but perfectly understands the situation. So without hesitation I pour that brown liquid into my glass and finish it with one big sip.
Chris places documents on the desk in front of me. I see BSAA and DSO logos on them. Signed by Chris and Ingrid.
My empty head can't understand all this situation about what's going on but I take documents and start to read them. Then Chris clears his throat.
„Since you've been in grieving situation, we didn't want to include you into this search. We had been visiting explosion site once again with UBCS Team. And after countless laboratory tests we weren't able to find any of her DNA in the explosion site. We are confused and our hands are tied in this case. I am sorry Wesker.“
And then I'm starting to feel useless. Four months? How much have I missed while being a drunk idiot in my place, grieving for her soul.
„We tried to contact you multiple times but your assistant always said the same that you are not available.“
„It doesn't change the fact, that I still want to kill you with my bare hands, Redfield. Now if you said everything what you wanted – you may the fuck out of my sight"
I can't take this anymore. I stand up and run away from them to the outside. I run, I can't see where I am running. I see darkness but I just don't care. I just run, run and run.
Untill I reach forest lake. I used to come here when I wanted to be alone.
I sit on the same big rock and just close my eyes. And I see her. Her long brown hair, long beautiful legs, blue eyes. Her smile. Her damn beautiful smile.
I smile myself as an idiot in the darkness. Suddenly I hear her singing voice near me. That angelic voice.
I open my eyes and I still hear it.
And then I realise, that I am insane.
