#whew!!!!

[himbochub]

another cpap pic from the other day bc i was feeling plump 🐽🐽🐽

[whentherewerebicycles]

.

ok just want to write through a parenting thing real quick. my beautiful child is in a phase where he's doing a lot of hair grabbing, face clawing, and random pushing, and i would say the two people who bear the brunt of this are 1) mommy and 2) my bff's toddler who is his bff. the last time it happened while they were playing my bff and i agreed to set aide some time to discuss how to handle this phase (where one of them is kinda being the aggressor, even if it's totally developmentally normal toddler behavior, and the other one is often needing to be rescued). and for some reason ever since we said we'd talk about it later i'd been feeling this awful feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach for reasons i could not articulate, like i actually felt like i might cry if i thought about it too much. anyway we discussed it on the drive home from choir tonight and came up with some good things to try (teaching replacement behaviors, separating them in different rooms for a lil reset, etc). but also at one point i just had this huge upswell of feelings and was like but i just don't want you to not love him. i just really don't want you guys to not love him anymore!! and my bff was like ?? why would we ever stop loving him?? and idk i think like. i am a pretty emotionally healthy person these days but under stress i still rediscover how deeply that assumption is baked into my worldview. like oh of course you can do things that make the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally stop loving you. and you might not even know what those things are so you have to be pretty careful all the time about everything you do/are. but also when you inevitably do do the thing that makes them withdraw their love from you it will come not from a place of cruelty but from a place of wanting to help you understand that you are unacceptable. and this is necessary, this is actually kind, because if we don't tell you then the world will tell you and that will be a crueler way to hear it, so we are helping you learn how you can be and how you must never, ever be. idk man it's just crazy how you can be really loved as a kid and ALSO the people who love you can really powerfully instill in you this bone-deep understanding that love can be withdrawn from you at any time. to help you learn important lessons about what the rules are for being a person. and then love will be restored of course but you will always be so tense just waiting for it to be withdrawn again. you will never really learn how to relax in relationships with other people. or idk maybe framing it as the withdrawal of love isn't quite right because i think that this type of shaming often comes from a place of love, in its own fucked up way! so not the withdrawal of love but the withdrawal of affection. someone withdrawing from you physically and emotionally. turning away from you. no longer seeing you in a generous light, as a person who is fundamentally good and wants to be good and to do the right thing. judging you first so that you'll correct your behavior and the world won't judge you more harshly later. anyway. i realized that i was so stressed and unhappy because on some deep unconscious level i was like, grieving the idea that these people i love so much, who love my child so much and who are essentially parenting him alongside me, were going to look at his behavior and withdraw their love from him the way -- --- -------- --- ---- ---- --. which is insane. but also like. is it insane? people do it. maybe i should go back to therapy good lord.

[recklessadventures]

Idk what it is but the start of summer has me feeling cracked open like an oyster and all the silt is rushing out. Perhaps I will find a pearl but for now I'm feeling a bit shriveled up and exposed.

[materialistses]

margaret i need you to stop girl

[asukiess]

the thought that Colt didn’t even touch Felix at all, choosing even to rather physically abuse him via the ring, rejecting Felix’s touch on his death bed

the thought that you’d end up feeling wholly unworthy

and the parallel that Felix is so physically affectionate with Kagami

[gael-garcia]

Station Eleven ep 3: Hurricane

directed by Hiro Murai cinematography by Christian Sprenger

[redeemedbytheking]

alright buckle up i went down a rabbit hole because i needed to figure this out. today’s topic: THE COAT.

so, some of you may have noticed that near the end of the movie, there’s a brief period of time where belle is inexplicably wearing a grey coat. i’ve always kind of laughed at the way it just comes in and out of existence so swiftly, but today i decided to be all charlie kelly in the mailroom about it and figure out where that coat could have come from in canon.

we start this sequence in the wagon, where belle and maurice are trapped. maurice is confused by belle’s desperation to get back to adam, because as far as he’s aware, adam is something of a heartless BEAST!

this is when belle explains that he’s actually a lot kinder than they realized. and to prove it, she shows maurice the rattle she had as a baby, that was left in PARIS. this is kind of a tangent but it’s important To Me.

anyway i think it’s so beautiful that belle had the rattle with her while she danced with adam. i may be planing to write about it. i’ll link it here whenever that happens. (hey here it is!!!!!) but let’s proceed.

the film cuts back to the mob battle at the castle, and the next time we see belle & maurice, they’ve escaped. first a shot of maurice essentially gloating to the clueless asylum guy, (as he should!),

and then the shot of belle on philippe!

AND THEN THE ICONIC SHOT OF HER HAVING REMOVED HER DRESS WHILE RIDING A HORSE

now here’s the kicker. the next time you see belle… SHE HAS THIS COAT ON.

i’ve always accepted that they just sort of put this coat on her so she could dramatically remove it here.

and have her looking like an ANGEL in the darkness for the rest of this chaotic night.

BUT WHERE DID THE COAT COME FROM? my new theory, and i think the only plausible scenario, is that when her & maurice first escaped the wagon, he asked her to go grab a coat from home because “you must be freezing in that dress!!” and belle would argue like papa there’s no TIME!! but he’d be stern about it because he’s just got her back after thinking she could have been KILLED and he’ll be DAMNED if she’s going to be COLD!!!! NOW GO GET YOUR COAT!!!! (he missed being her papa, you see🤧). so belle, good daughter that she is, groans and races to their cottage, grabs the first coat on the hooks by the door, and runs right for philippe and they gallop off.

now i know what you’re thinking — she takes the dress off ON the horse! and she’s not wearing the coat! I KNOW!! but belle is so rushed and chaotic and WORRIED about adam that she was definitely not doing things in the normal order. she was NOT taking her time with ANYTHING. so she grabbed the coat, mounted philippe, threw the coat over his neck right in front of her, then realizes she can’t FIGHT PEOPLE in this dress, so she pulls it off as they leave the village. THEN, getting closer, racing faster, feeling that cold, enchanted, snowy windchill hitting her bare arms, and inwardly rolls her eyes at her father Being Right, and she quickly puts on the coat, while still riding philippe.

then of course, gaston fills her with such a firey rage that she no longer needs the coat to be warm. thus ripping it off to go find her manz!!!!!

ALSO ALSO ALSO. don’t worry about the rose rattle. that was either very quickly left at home (i doubt it, in all her chaos), or it’s in a pocket in or under the white underdress. this time period was about LAYERSSSS and women often had secret pockets under their dresses. and knowing belle, that would’ve been a must. i also wouldn’t be surprised if, when madame de garderobe MADE the dress, belle asked for an extra pocket or two — perhaps for the purpose of having the rattle with her :”) but either way, the rattle is very safe!!! not left in the yellow dress on the ground. (although that just makes me think about maurice going to retrieve the dress and taking it back home and leaving it on her bed. and then after Everything… when she comes home, she sees it and she’s like gosh okay so this WASN’T all a crazy dream. wild.)

in conclusion there is no discontinuity and that movie is perfect <3 thank you <3

[beneathsilverstars]

head in my hands i saw the tv glow was so good