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our two souls therefore, which are one,

though I must go, endure not yet

a breach, but an expansion,

like gold to airy thinness beat.

- "A Valediction: Forbidden Mourning", John Donne

#mcyt #technoblade #ancientrosetta #originalpostanro #i miss him #and what he represented about my childhood #which is selfish #and parasocial #but the sad is real #so i'll humor myself this time

Last year, my good friend delivered her baby at 26 weeks on Dec 2nd. They were in the NICU for four months. A few days before thanksgiving this year her husband, also a very good friend, was admitted to the icu with complications from covid. He passed on Saturday, dec 4th. They bought a house together this summer. Idk what else to say.

#I hadn’t seen them since before the pandemic #and I feel so guilty about that #which is selfish #I can’t even begin to understand that he’s gone #after all they went through this past year

#ugh #im having a weird day #talked to my ex for the first time since The Breakup #it was weird #but also nice #and idk how I feel #but she's definitely better of without me #she seems happier as well??#which is great!!#but #not #because I feel bad and stuff #which is selfish #idkkk #i want to throw myself into a new relationship #which is not a good idea #ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #ok rant over

rare aesthetic: your dad is present and active and loving yet somehow your mom still hates his guts

#I wish I could ask her why #And I get anxious as fuck even though the problem isn't about me #Which is selfish #But!

I’m about to cry because I had a rough day (in large part, probably, due to forgetting my medication this morning - it just gets worse every time I forget) and I’m tired and I don’t want to spend the next two days by myself while annie’s at work

#which is selfish #esp bc we BOTH need them to have this job #and THEY'RE the one working twelve-hour shifts on weekends #but I'm scared of being alone that long #I don't have friends here yet #and even if I did I'm anxious about trying to get anywhere by myself #I don't even have my mom now #GOD I'm pathetic #babble and blather #medication

They had Zeros in the break room today!

#such a weird candy #like a knock off white chocolate Snickers #I miss my dad sometimes #which is selfish #cuz he had a hard time.#all my stories are sad

#like online i ouuld just run away #if something got to hard i could just shut down and run away and not deal with it and itsn o longer my problem #which is selfish #but now i cant do that #and i still feel selfish #beucas ei feel like im constantly thinking about myself #like ANY little thought of my well being #goddamn #personal

Now I'm just sad and thinking about things. And I need to take a nap before the live scream or I'll die half way thru.

#jytalks #im just thinking about monty again #and just that whole thing jn general #and how ill never feel closure #which is selfish #but i cant help it sometimes

#which is selfish

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