#whitaker angst

[whitakers-sockdrawer]

I Watched You Fall For Someone Else(Whitaker x EDnurse!Reader)

(brought to you by a dream I had last night and obviously had to write it out as soon as possible, I am no writer so my apologies in advance)

So to set the scene, it's PTMC annual gala. A fun night for the doctors, nurses, and other employees to let loose and have fun while also networking. Santos naturally dragged you along because she refused to be alone at the event while Whitaker's new girlfriend is all over him. She's nice enough, in the same fake way the popular girl always is in high school. She's a pediatric nurse and no one in the ED can stand her, not even Dr. King. She has quite the reputation at PTMC and is known for dating men from the different departments in the hospital. Her most recent victim before Dennis, was Dr. Nick Barker from radiology. Dennis is too sweet for her, too kind. Too willing to give anyone a second chance even if it's obvious to everyone else that they don't deserve one. And unfortunately, you have been head over heels for Whitaker since he first stepped foot into the pitt as a MS4.

"Im being serious girl. Either you tell him how you feel before the night ends or I will." Trinity says to you with that signature look on her face, nursing a vodka cran from the open bar.

"Trin, come on. You know I can't she's here with him." You respond to her, looking across the gala hall to where Dennis was with his girlfriend.

"You need to get it off your chest so you can stop moping around. It's a real mood killer watching you pine over huckleberry." You roll your eyes at Trinity. Before you can say anything else, she's whisked away by Garcia to take shots at the bar.

Sighing, you adjust the fabric of your dress smoothing out the non-existent wrinkles. You weren't planning to wear such a skin tight dress, but Trinity insisted because it made your boobs look 'spectactular' in her words.

Now standing alone, you decide to head outside for a breather. Watching Dennis with his hand around her waist twisted something deep in your stomach, making you nauseous. The slightly cool air felt refreshing against your sweaty skin. You stand there for a few minutes in silence, debating just leaving the gala without saying anything to any body.

In the midst of your silence, you hear slow but calculated footsteps behind you. "Hey - needed a break too?" It was him, of course it was. Out of everyone at this damn gala and it's him.

"Uh yeah, I guess. I don't know, Trinity is getting drunk with Garcia at the bar so." You glance at him, wrapping your arms around your self.

He nods, "Yeah that checks out. I-uh you look nice tonight." You can see the slight tinge of pink on his cheeks. You give him a slight smile, "Thanks Huckleberry. So do you, this get up is quite the switch up from your usual." That earns you a chuckle with his cute little shy smile he has when he's flustered. It makes your heart twist in a way you hate.

You stand there in comfortable silence for a few mintues. Just enjoying each other's company and the quiet. All of the sudden, Trinity's words from earlier repeat themselves in your head. You take a deep breath before turning to look at Dennis.

"Listen, I have to tell you something and the only reason I'm telling you is because Trin threatened to tell you if I didn't." Your heart is going a million miles per second at this rate and your hands are so clammy you keep wiping them on the sides of your dress.

Dennis gives you a confused look, "Okay? What is it?" Your ears are ringing at this point and you've never felt more nauseous in your life. Your face is probably as red as the tie Dennis wearing to match his date.

"God- I-uh okay. I don- even know how to say it. " You've never even been this nervous when doing a patient's IV for the first time. Dennis places a comforting hand on your shoulder, which is bare by the way from the thin spaghetti straps of the dress. "It's okay, you can tell me anything you know that." He reassures in that comforting tone he uses with patients.

You look at him in the eyes, the shade of blue that has slowly become your favorite. "What? Are you that one that took my new Drs badge?" Dennis jokes, obviously trying to make you feel better.

That gets a nervous smile out of you as you shake your head. "Uh no no it's not that." Closing your eyes for a minute and taking a deep breath, holding it in before letting it out. You turn your gaze to your shoes, " Um - I-uh am kind of in love with you? And I have been since the first day I met you. And I know this is absolutely terrible timing because now you're dating that nurse from ortho, but Trin insisting that I tell you because I've been driving her crazy." You ramble on for what feels like an hour before you finally find the courage to look at his face. He's stunned, the same look on his face when he had to watch a clamshell thoracotomy for the first time as a med student.

"Dennyyyy, Park the shark is paying for a round of shots for everyoneee." You hear her before you see her with her sickeningly sweet voice. Feeling all the blood drain from your voice, Dennis snaps out of his trance removing his hand from your shoulder. "What's going on here?" She says in a snarky tone, flirtatiously wrapping her hand around Dennis' arm.

Dennis looks back and forth between the two of you, "uh- nothing! We were just talking about a case from yesterday. I'll-uh see you back in there (y/n)." He says while scratching the back of his neck and letting his girlfriend guide him back inside. But not before turning over his shoulder to have one last glance at you before going through the doors.

You're stunned, frozen in time feet stuck in place. You can still feel the ghost of his hand on your shoulder. It had to have been at least 10 minutes before Trinity stumbles out the door in search of you. "bitch! I've been looking for you! You missed watching Abbot do the cupid shuffle." She laughs, but stopped immediately after seeing your face.

"Woah woah what happened sunshine?? Why do you look like you just saw Myrna naked?" She places a comforting arm around your shoulders, a concerned look on her face. You can't even get any words out as you feel the tears start to well in your eyes. Your lips start to quiver as you shake your head slightly.

"Oh no, you told him didn't you?" you nod your hand at her question. "Okay come on, lets get out of here. I got a tub of peanut butter cup ice cream at home with our names on it." You let Trinity lead you away to start the short walk back to her apartment.

[etherealizzie]

don't think about hucklerabbot where dennis and abbot have to watch robby succumb to the worst way to die: age.

don't think about robby who starts to forget the little things throughout the day when he finally retires. when he forgets that abbot has a shift today and that he doesn't work at the pitt anymore, that dr. adamson has been gone for a while. that he's been retired for the past couple of years.

at first, abbot was able to help. abbot tried to help robby and so did dennis. filling in the gaps, helping him out with memory games to ensure that robby was at least trying to practice.

but then robby would get frustrated. his temper got worse and he'd apologize every single time after he snapped.

dennis forgave him everytime, abbot pressed a kiss and tried to comfort robby. robby who finds himsel staring at his hands then out the window, with a certain fog in his eyes.

don't think about how abbot feels a sense of guilt, still being in good health. he's just as sharp and tries to keep himself on pace. abbot knows robby tried, jack had known michael for a long enough time that their work and personal lives were so intertwined. he knew michael like the back of his hand and god, the determination of a man like him..

and yet, jack hates to think how it all still wasn't enough.

don't think about how dennis feels that sense of caregiver's guilt where if he could, dennis would alleviate everything he could from robby's shoulders. dennis wished he could take it all away, how he would take robby's deteriorating memory, short temper, and chronic pain, just as long as his partner was safe. dennis who tries his goddamn best to give robby whatever he needs but at the cost of his own health.

.. but robby, ever the man he is, had it all planned out. what he wanted to happen when he started getting old, when he started deteriorating, when robby was unable to take care of himself.

don't think about how jack abbot and dennis whitaker have to make the joint and painful decision to respect robby's wishes. don't think about how robby looks painfully confused about being dropped off in a hollow and empty place by jack and dennis. how robby asks when they're going home soon.

don't think about dennis who has to leave the room while jack places a kiss on robby's head.

"'m sorry, mike." jack whispers and robby is confused, so goddamn lost. "we're respecting what you want.. den and i.. we'll visit, okay?" jack murmurs before dennis walks back into the room. his eyes are heavier than usual.

and don't think about when dennis and jack finally leave the assisted living center, only for both men to sit in silence in the car.

age was the slowest and most painful way to go. for everyone involved.

[comingaback]

do you think dennis ever gets crippling anxiety/panic attacks sometimes when he’s by himself. i do. same twin.

[etherealizzie]

hucklerobby angst and uhh fluffy smut, i’m supposed to be writing my paper but i finally looked up this song that i'd been seeing a lot of

cw: religious trauma & healing?? i guess?

divider creds to @uzmacchiato

when dennis let robby— his boss— under his skin for the first time, he didn't feel guilty.

dennis always had this sinking feeling in his stomach whenever he spent the night with anyone. the gnawing sense of dread in the pit of his belly, feeling the familiar shame that seeps into his bones.

but not this time— something was different. robby didn't feel cold or unsafe, whitaker didn't feel the quake in his hands when the older man led the student doctor to his bedroom.

whitaker wanted to feel guilty, wanted to feel that it was wrong. it was almost unsettling that he didn't feel that familiar shame, it happened with every other man.

but that just wasn't the case this time, not with robby.

not when robby's calloused hands grabbed the hem of whitaker's scrubs, not when his knees hit the back of robby's bed and not when whitaker felt the press of lips on his face, his neck, and everywhere the older man could feel.

robby's body on top of his right for once— dennis wanted to have this for once.

and god, did dennis let himself have something good for once. the younger man welcomed his attending's touch, pressing kisses to the man's scruffy face.

he let his own hands tug onto robby's hair, his hands dragging down the fabric of his hoodie. dennis tugs, his eyes looking up at robby expectantly. the older man didn't say anything, a smile on his face as he pulled away from dennis. robby slips his own scrubs off and dennis reaches up, planting heated kisses on robby's face.

dennis has never wanted somebody to need him this bad before— not until now. he'd never needed anything more in his life.

"dr. robby, please." dennis trails off, feeling the man on top of him lift him so gently, moving his body fully onto the bed. he didn't feel like some scared kid in nebraska, coming out to his family for the first time. he didn't feel like he was sitting in his theology lectures in undergrad where all dennis could do was push it down and pray.

but dennis was nowhere near nebraska or his university, he was in the arms of a man who brought him a sense of peace that dennis should've had a long time ago.

"touch me, touch me, please." the man breathes and robby finds his lips on whitaker's once more. when robby pulls away to get a look at dennis, he only gives him the softest smile whitaker's ever seen.

"you know just how to get to me, whitaker." robby murmurs before showing dennis how much he needws him.

for dennis, robby was soft and everything in between. no matter how bad dennis wanted to feel guilty, he couldn't.

not when robby knew how to get to him, mumbling how much he loved dennis, how pretty he was, how badly the older man needed him. not when robby was everything that dennis wanted— this is the 'more' he needed.

[etherealizzie]

dennis whitaker always felt a little funky when he moved out of his tiny ass nebraska town. when he left his family, he felt like a failure. a failure of a son and a brother. even though dennis was going to college, it felt like he was abandoning them.

dennis already didn't have any friends, he already felt.. out of place in med school. even though he was damn good at what he did, dennis felt like he didn't deserve it.

he just had this energy to him. dennis didn't understand, he didn't really know how to articulate it.

and god, did he feel like shit when he finally started his residency. dennis whitaker felt like he wasn't ever going to fucking belong anywhere. he felt awkward, he felt.. a sense of shame. dennis especially felt isolated.

he sees the looks people give him. he sees how patients look at him like he's incompetent.

it didn't help either when dennis had his patient die on him for the first time. in fact, it amplified. he felt like he was never going to amount to anything. like he was the failure he knew he would be from the beginning.

especially when he was living on the 8th floor of the hospital. whenever he found himself looking out of the window, at the lights of the city, dennis whitaker felt hollow in his chest.