#wistful?

[zakalwe-the-ninth]

Playing around with my Sam Vimes backstory fic, and my current headcanon is that Vimes' mother used to call him Sammy, and so when he finds out they're using that name for the coppers that trained under him and went to other cities, it briefly knocks him sideways.

Because he's not heard that name since she died, and maybe it had always been said with a hint of worry about her boy, who she loved but who she knew was a bit too fond of the drink and friendly with the gutters. But now he's a knight and a duke and he has a family he adores, and he's making a difference not just to people in the city but across the Disc.

And the name is a reminder that she's not here to see what he's become; she'll never get to experience the relief of knowing that she didn't need to worry quite so much anymore.

[elementnumber33]

"A time where I feel like that again- where my notes fill the whole book / so well referred-to that the pages grow smudged and worn. / I hope to create for myself a new Marble Notebook Time."

[allthefandomsbby]

That love feels so long ago, my life has happened in such vast quantities since then that you feel like a part of the foundations I have built myself on.

[dwapscenter]

My relationship with christmas at some point I don't know it changed from "oh yeah, shit christmas is coming up" to "alright, christmas music in november."

Something about that I think stems from my experience in the pandemic. I realized time was losing track and that mixed with the negativity, the... incidents going on at the time. I just needed a spike and the genericized version of christmas. The corporate secular "money" christmas just kinda was what I needed to push me a little further and It's still kinda needed. Even though it bodes that another year is coming I just need that time.

I feel like this works for me, even as the old positives of christmas as a kid diminish, especially as I eventually MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE after finding A JOB THAT WILL ACTUALLY PAY ENOUGH TO JUSTIFY THAT.

I'd love to take the time and actually do a full assed decoration of my space to meet the season, but for now, I've got my christmas music internet radio stations and I've got this dollar store christmas tree decoration covered in excess from the person or machine who hotglued the decorations to it.

[yahos-remade]

bro 😢

[technologyisadeadbird]

dont know what the adjective for 19 will be

[kingsmanne]

spending the evening in a weird mixture of melancholia and nostalgia for something you've never lived or seen, or are you just yearning for your aesthetic: a novel by me

[dnotive]

I wish there had been better bisexual representation when I was just a bit younger.

Throughout all of my highschool and college years, there was a very explicit reinforcement that bisexual people didn't really exist... that they were just these people who were denying their homosexuality or something, and probably the only reason I didn't ever really admit it to myself was because I was terrified that somehow admitting I was bi was like, some kind of step down a slippery slope, with "gay" at the finish line. It was never that I saw anything wrong with being gay, or the concept of one being gay, but when you're really young, and the rules of the adult world are slowly unfolding themselves toward you, you end up naively clinging to the rules that you're given, and in my mind, going down that path meant somehow compromising on being attracted to girls, which sounds really stupid now, but it was something I didn't want to do.

I dunno, I was also really terrified of "being bi" simply because I didn't find any of the gay men I knew particularly attractive, and I was actually really worried that if I "opened the floodgates," I might elicit unwanted sexual advances from them... which also seems like a really stupid fucking thing to worry about in retrospect. I also really liked, and still really like girls, and when your paradigm for sexual attraction is gay/straight with no middle ground, you tend to needlessly fret (am I actually gay, how do I know if I'm straight?) about dumb shit.

I dunno, I'm much more at peace with everything now, as compared to where I was when I was, say, 19, or 20, but damn I wish I'd had a better archetype for this stuff back then - It kind of sucks being a late bloomer, but I guess better late than never? If I'd had some visible role-models who could've exemplified what healthy bisexuality looked like, maybe I wouldn't have been such a stick-in-the-mud during my college years.

That's why it makes me happy that most of you guys understand how and why representation matters.