Very simple declaration, that. Except for how it isn't. To explain, let me deconstruct this statement a little.
I am a wolf. I have always been a wolf. For me, my wolf theriotypes (yes, multiple, I have two) are past lives. I remember them, if only very vaguely. That noemata is part of why it took me close to 15 years to figure out I had two wolf theriotypes, not just one. I'm a Canadian timber wolf and an African golden wolf. Those are two very different environments and two very different wolves. Different species, in fact. Species, not just subspecies. Canis lupus and Canis lupaster. Specifically Canis lupus occidentalis and, I suspect, Canis lupaster anthus. I realized long ago, before I had a word for the experience, that I was a wolf. Once I found the therian community, 17 years ago now, I began to look at that more seriously.
I am part of a system. I am one of the older alters. All of us are in some way canine. Most of us are wolves, though we have a coyote and a human/wolf hybrid among our numbers. When I realized about three years ago that I was part of a system, it really shook me and my sense of my identity. I found out that we have a pair of siblings, one a wolf extranth and the other a wolf therian, who have been around for quite a long time, too. And I began to doubt myself and my wolf-ness. Was I really a wolf? Or did my subconscious just make that up as part of hiding the system from me? After all, my timber wolf matches up rather well with what the wolf extranth is and what the wolf therian identifies as. Maybe I had misinterpreted?
I have decided I don't care. I am a wolf. I have known nearly my entire life that that's what I am. I don't know why. I don't know if maybe I've misconstrued source/exo-memories from my headmates as being my own. But I've decided I don't care.
I am a wolf because I have decided that I am. Even if my exo-memories aren't really mine at all, I don't care. I do not care. I am a wolf. That's such a foundational part of my identity. Being a wolf is who I am. It's an immutable part of me. I was so excited when I came across the therian community (which was separate from the other "identify-as" communities at the time, hence my distinction), because finally, here were others like me! I was a wolf and these were people who wouldn't think I was crazy for it. Later, I would find that I'm part of the otherkin community (again, in the original, separate definition) and it would become a point of self-doubt. But at this point in my life, 17 years into my journey as part of the alterhuman community, I no longer care.
So maybe I'm a wolf because of past lives. Maybe I'm a wolf because I'm mistaking my headmates' memories as my own. Either way, I choose to accept who I am. I choose to accept my lupiness. I am a wolf because I choose to embrace that part of me, no matter how that came about. All that matters is that I am a wolf.
